How To Have Healthy Friendships

Friendship is a tricky thing. As a young woman who has lived in three different cities since I was 17, I've built relationships and watched many of them crumble. The friendships that have stood the test of time are the ones built on a good, healthy foundation.

Jealousy is maybe the biggest indicator that the friendship is not healthy. Yes, there are the friends who are jealous of your time and want you all to themselves, but what I'm talking about are the friends who envy what you have.

With all the bashing on social media going on, sometimes people feel like they can't say anything good or anything bad, ever, because it might hurt someone's feelings. That's extreme and unfair.

Complaining and bragging are not the same thing as feeling and appreciating things. 

If you don't feel like you can honestly talk about what is going in your life, the friendship's foundation is not good. For example, after giving birth to my daughter 9 weeks ago, I began to lose weight really quickly. Between breastfeeding and chasing around two other children, I'm burning a lot of calories. I was really excited and shared this with one of my dearest friends. I knew that she was having a harder time losing her baby weight, but she celebrated with me. And I look for ways to support her in her goals, too.  It's give and take.

The wrong reaction would have been her turning it back to herself, like "Oh you're so lucky. I wish I could do that. I hope I can.. I want.. I.. I... I.." That would have made me feel guilty for that little success. You should never feel guilty for good things happening in your life. You should feel thankful and humble. 

It also would have been wrong of me to list all the things I was doing to lose the weight. That would have made her feel bad. I want my friends to know I accept them and love the regardless of their imperfections.

If you've got relationships that you don't feel work this way, should you cut them out of your life? Not necessarily. Friendships are built on patterns, and you have the power to change the pattern.

Here's how:
Be the first to empathize. Feel what the other person is feeling, good or bad.
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It can't be that simple can it? Yes, actually it can. We can thank our mental wiring for that. We all want to feel related to, in fact there are neurons in our brains called Mirror Neurons that cause us to copy the actions of others. (Now you know why you pick up weird accents around certain people.)

If you give this an honest chance and it still seems like the other person is not reciprocating the effort, that tells you something. Probably that the other person does not really desire to relate to you. In that case, slowly cutting back the friendship is probably not going to hurt any feelings in the end.

The fact is, this is a skill we all need to work on, because this is the way Christ responds to us. He became flesh to be able to experience our humanity and to overcome it.

Take a look at this parable:

The Parable of the Lost Coin

8 “Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins[a] and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? 9 And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ 10 In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Luke 15:8-10

She confidently called her friends to rejoice with her, regardless of what they may have lost. For all we know, finances were a struggle for some of those friends. But they celebrated with her.

Let's be the friends that our friends can call. Let's be those that rejoice with others, even in the midst of our struggles. Let's be friends. 

Lindarella

Teaching Moments: Alphabet Hop-Scotch

My oldest is all about fun. All the time. This has posed some problems with trying to prepared him for Kindergarten. There have been tears, frustration, even yelling at one point. I thought that if I made teaching a priority, he would care to learn. And he does. He learns the names of all the Rescue Bots and Chima characters. He just doesn't want to sit and learn his letters! So we're done sitting. Yesterday I got a great idea for a little game we could play to help with letter recognition.

Alphabet Hop-Scotch 

Here's what you need:

Paper

markers or crayons

Masking Tape

Alphabet Flashcards (mine are from Dollar Tree!) 

Our roll of paper is from Ikea, but you could use sheets of paper, write the letters on them and place them close together. 

There are variations of this game, but since I'm really working on letter recognition, here's how to play: 

Shuffle the deck of alphabet cards, then have the first participant draw the top one. 

Tell the child the name of the letter, then let them find it on the "Letter Map." 

The object is to get to the letter without stepping on any others. 

For more of a challenge they can start from the other end of the Letter Map. Also, if they step on another letter, they have to say its name OR go back. You can gauge what will keep them most engaged in the activity.

  My 5 year old liked the challenge of starting from the opposite end from the letter, but my 3 year old just liked that he was getting them right. The point is to keep it fun. 

Variations: 

Name the letter. Encourage the child to remember the names of each letter. Really focus on recognizing its shape and talk about its sound. 

Play like real hop-scotch. Roll a lego onto the Letter Map, As they hop to it, ask them to name each letter the hop on. 

Build Words. Dollar Tree also has sight word flashcards. Use these (or make up your own list) And Have the child hop on the letters in that word. Think simple like "CAT" for instance. The first two letters are close together, but getting to that T would be a fun challenge. 

Can you think of other variations of this game? What sort of fun activities do you do to teach? 

(post in  comments)

Happy Teaching-

Lindarella

I Made It: Crib Skirt

I previously talked about my lack of inspiration for my daughter's nursery, but things are starting to come together. She's only 7 weeks old, after all. One of the biggest roadblocks for me in that room is the overwhelming amount of white.

We fell in love with this white crib from Ikea, and when my parents said they were making a trip, we could not pass it up. Not for $100. Naturally, we bought this matching white dresser from Walmart.com. (note: the color of the crib is slightly creamier, but they still coordinate surprisingly well for being bought separately.) I digress.

The point of this post is to show off my homemade crib skirt. I still consider myself a beginner as far as sewing goes, so it's not perfect. Still, I made it!

Here's the finished product! I wish I had made it a little shorter, but I'm the type the errs on the side of caution. I've been known to jump in too quick and totally ruin things, and, thankfully, I've learned to not do that.

I'm not doing a full on tutorial here, because there are plenty of those around pinterest. At the end of the day, sewing involves some creativity, so let your freak flag fly (and say that 5x fast!)

All that said, here's what I did.

1. Find a fabric you love. It doesn't have to be heavy, just go with your gut (and your budget.) Remember to get something for the base. I used some felt a friend gave me. I really liked working with it and I like the fact that it's sturdy.

2. Measure. I should have done this first. I bought 3 yards and that was plenty, but you should really go in with a number in mind.

3. Cut. My fabric was printed in such a way that I had to join two pieces for the front. It worked out well though. I just cut 4 strips across that were 15" long.
I also cut the felt the same size as the crib. You really don't need/ want excess here.

4. Prep pieces. This entails hemming the bottom of each piece as well as the sides (all but the two you are joining.) And then joining those two front pieces. Leave the corners open, this will make putting it on much easier.

I really love this picture. 

5.Pin and Gather. Using safety pins (with little ones around I figured this was the best route) I began by pinning the ends of the fabric to the edges of the felt. Then I pinned the center of the fabric to the center of the center of the felt. Note: if you joined two pieces that don't flow together, tuck the seam into the center fold. This will hide the spot where the pattern clashes.
After pinning the center, I just worked my way through trying to leave enough room for ruffles throughout without making it look too uniform. I added a fold about every 2-3".

After I pinned it all, it took a little bit of tweaking to get it just right.

I also folded half one way and half the other, because I have a deep need for symmetry in my life.

By the way, you only need 3 sides. I should have said that earlier, but it seemed obvious.

I draped this over the back of my couch and sat comfortably pinning.

6. Sew it together. I don't think I need to elaborate here, but here's a picture!

Don't run over you pins. Take them out, while there's still time!

7. Put it on the crib! The moment of satisfaction- when you've made something that works like it should!

So pretty! I'm excited for the day we convert this to a toddler bed and ruffles can be free!

Thanks for stopping by-
Lindarella