Confession: I've been trading busyness for community and it has to stop

I remember May in all its glory. Dragging on and on with its to-do list. The pile up of birthday parties and Memorial Day and longing for Summer. I had envisioned Summer to be the best time ever. We were going to be lounging pool-side all day only to come home to a clean house (because we hadn't been there all day) and a husband eager to grill op something delicious. Ahhh.. It was such a nice fantasy. 

 Meanwhile, June hit in full swing and I was so happy! But somewhere around the end of June I realized I was not enjoying it like I thought. It was a lot of lugging things around, dealing with bored, whiny kids and trying to not overspend on all the activities I felt I was supposed to be doing. 

What the heck?! When did it get this way? When did I begin to believe that the only way to spend time with people is by doing a bunch of stuff? 

Rewind to my early adult years (18-23), I was building some pretty deep relationships. Most of what we did was hang out at one of our houses, grabbed some cheap food and stayed up all night talking about whatever. For the most part, I've stayed in touch with those friends and we all cheer each other on from afar. Still, deep down, I think I'm afraid of that kind of closeness again. It's a raw feeling to allow others to know you that deeply. 

But why then, am I running around trying to be busy? Is it so people will think I'm interesting? Is it so I can be around people but not have to really get to know them? My guess: Some of both. 

So much of the conversations I hear are about what everyone did for the weekend, what awesome stuff their kids are into, what trips they're taking and all the amazing things I need to experience to be part of the club. It can feel heavy at times to think so much expectation is not only on you, but also your kids! I mean, whoa! My 5 year old doesn't need to be training for the Olympics for me to love him. 

Are you like me? Are you caught up in this cycle of thinking you're too much for others to handle, not enough for people to actually like, and totally fine on your own? Well, I've been wrong. And you might be too. We need those deep relationships, we are totally lovable and perhaps you need a good friend to help you manage all your crazy. I bet if you look, you'll find a few like-minded people you actually enjoy spending time with. 

So here's the challenge: invite someone over. Invite them for dinner. Invite them to hang out. Don't make it a big fuss. Don't over-complicate it with a fancy menu or try and tie in some other activity. Just hang out. 

Because we might not be the only ones. There might be a busy gal out there who thinks her rush is the only way to be social. Perhaps she believes she has to do all the things to be deemed worthy of joy. Maybe she's scared like I am that if people get too close, they will exploit her weaknesses. Let's show her that's not us. 

Fast-forward 20 years. When I do, I see my parents. I see them enjoying just hanging out with their friends. Yes! They get to travel and enjoy the freedom of empty-nesting, but what I see most is that the friendships they build are treasures. I'm hoping it doesn't take me another 20 years to learn that. 

I expect you've already got a friend in mind. Someone you want to know better but "life" seems to always be in the way. Tell "life" to move over, because fullness is about to move in. This stage of life poses enough challenges, so let's stop putting so much pressure on ourselves. Let's allow fellowship to flourish. 

How my favorite movie helped me see Proverbs 31 differently

I've got to say, as a girl who grew up in church, there might be no other passage of scripture I was taught more than Proverbs 31. During seasons of insecurity and wavering faith, it's something I've come back to, reminding me of the type of woman I want to be. It's something God has used in so many ways in my life. However, about a year ago, I had this realization:

The target audience here was a son!

I immediately began to question everything because as a mother of two boys, I am highly aware that there may never be a girl I deem "good enough" for my sons. Could it be that this is a biblical Monster-In-Law? How did I not see it sooner? But don't worry. I haven't ruled it out completely, since it is God's word. After all, it holds validity in my life.

Which brings me to my most favorite movie ever: Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

I'll give you the breakdown, in case your not a classic musical nerd like I am.

The oldest of seven brothers (backwoodsmen) decides to go into town to find a wife. He meets a lovely woman named Milly at a local diner. He likes her spunk and hard working attitude and quickly convinces her to marry him. It's not until they get home that she realizes that there are 7 single men living here, and they need a lot of help with the upkeep of the place. She gets upset, naturally. She thought this was going to be her happily ever after. Instead she feels cheated, like he chose her as a maid, not a wife.

There's this line, though, that is not overly romantic, but I find it sweet.
Adam (the eldest brother) tells Milly that he knew he needed someone to "work alongside him."
Boy! isn't that marriage for you? Not all romance and deep conversations. Sometimes we both just get to work knowing the other is right there with us, doing the same.

I think this is what the King Lemuel's mother understood.
The first 9 verses are focused on the behavior and duties of a king. Then she continues into describing a Wife of Noble Character.

This was a mother explaining to her son that he was going to need good support in the life he was given. That drinking and sleeping around were not going to get the job done. That he needed to see the beauty of a woman with self-discipline, strength and independence.

I am saddened that for a lot of my life, I looked at this as a checklist of all the things I should do to be a good christian, a good wife and a good woman in general. I have allowed it to be something that makes me feel indebted rather than empowered. I look at this woman and think "wow! she does a lot on her own and for others." It makes me realize that maybe what my husband needs is not to be needed. Perhaps he needs me to be more of a team player.

First, I am convicted that this portion of the word is not exclusively written for women. God's word is for all of us. My sons could gain a lot of wisdom and avoid a lot of hurt by knowing these truths.

Secondly, I am reminded that there are ways I can evolve as a wife. It's not enough to think "he already chose me." Our lives change so frequently, that I have to be willing to grow toward Christ, or this thing called marriage could one day elude me.

It is always important to return to the word of God. Always. That said, some of the things listed here might not be relevant to your life specifically (like All. The. Sashes). Or sewing in general. I don't know! But I think what we should look at here is her heart. She stays productive (not just busy). She is generous. She makes good choices. She blesses her husband and children.

So maybe I look at this a guideline for things I want to get better at, not a to-do list for love. Most of all, I hope to see it as a possibility for my life, not something that brings shame in the areas I presently lack. Let's also remember that for every high standard God has, there's an even higher measure of grace.

Proverbs 31 is a picture of high functioning marriage. One that sets an example for a whole Kingdom! Again. Not necessarily an exact fit, but let's just call it "community" because that makes a little more sense in my life.

 May we all see the truth: that what we do, we do alongside the ones we love.

Have a Wonderful, Wonderful day, y'all!

How you can Let Love Live in a lost time

Has it ever bothered you that in 1 Peter 5:8 the devil is compared to a lion, but in Revelation 5:5 Jesus is called the Lion of Judah? I mean, I kinda wanted to Lion thing to be sacred. Exclusively Jesus. It wasn't until recently that I realized what 1 Peter really says:

 Be alert and of sober mind.

 Your enemy the devil prowls around 

like a roaring lion 

looking for someone to devour.

This is the truth. The enemy knows better than to be overtly evil. He knows that even newborn Christians will sniff that stuff out. So, instead he disguises himself to look and sound a lot like what we believe is good. This is the place where many of us slip through the cracks. The ones who get "devoured" are the ones who know enough of the Bible to see what's mostly true, but don't have enough of the truth in their hearts to reject what is counterfeit. 

Let me give you a quick example. We all here the yogis of the world say "Namaste." And whether or not you even do yoga, you've maybe given this greeting jokingly or otherwise. But do you really know what Namaste means? 

In Hinduism is literally means "I bow to the divine in you."
Now, do you feel like that's a big deal? Maybe. Maybe not. But just in saying that, I've confessed with my own mouth an open door to something I don't even know.

Without God's spirit giving me discernment, I would probably do lots of that kind of thing blindly. It's not to say that there's not grace, because GRACE IS EVERYTHING. But, sometimes His grace is a strong aversion to something, even if you don't know why. 

Now, can I tell you where I see many of us being devoured?

Love. 

The world has gone to great lengths to confuse love. Love has been muddied with similar things like sex, equality and attention. While those things are not inherently bad, they are not the definition of love. 

1 Corinthians 13 is a great place to start when defining love. Most of us are familiar with it, in fact, I memorized this passage as a teenager and much of is has stuck. I needed a reminder, though because there are some good bits in there that I sometimes overlook. 

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, 

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I want to focus our attention on versed 6 and 7. It does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. Whoa! What does that look like? I mean everything we see and hear right now is all about acceptance. "I respect your choices." But that is not love. God is love, and God's definition here says we don't get to laugh off situations that are putting our loved ones in danger. 

We rejoice in the truth! We don't have to be afraid of it. It doesn't mean our delivery of that truth is boastful (see vs 4). We can speak kindly, but we have to be honest and we have to be confident in that. Why? because in verse 7, we are told that love protects. It trusts. It hopes. How is agreeing with sin protective? How is it hopeful? It's not. In fact, it does the opposite. It says that our friends are a lost cause and it's not worth the effort to be honest with them. 

We, as the church, have an obligation to define love for this world. I know that sounds like a tall order, but we are the only ones who even know what love really looks like. If God is Love and God is in us, then really we just need to lose the fluff this world has taught us and walk in who we really are. 

Lastly, I want to look at perseverance. That is something you only need in times that are tough. We have to understand that love is not the airbrushed relationships we see on Netflix. It's sticky and emotional, and I don't only mean romantic relationships. Friendships and family dynamics are just as complicated. But God's love perseveres. We don't quit or back down just because someone pulls away from truth. We lovingly keep trying. We keep speaking life and truth over them. We rejoice in their every little victory and we trust their apologies. 

Believe me when I say that I am not a master of this at all. But I know I can be and you can be, too. 

We have got to do this, because the broken world out there needs to know love. 

They've tried to redefine it or create their own version of it, but now it's time for us to introduce them to it. 

Let love live-

Lindsay 

His love for you has not run out

There's a passage in the bible that tells this story of a rich man who approached Jesus, asking him how to get into heaven. After verifying that he had not broken the law, Jesus gave him an ultimatum: Sell everything you have, give it to the poor and follow me. The man walked away from that opportunity because he couldn't part with the treasure he had stored up for himself.
Now, a lot of people look at this story and think that God is sort of harsh. You obey or don't. He doesn't have time to sit around and wait for you to decide. Today I want to walk this out a bit. See, I think that He can be that way, but it's not His character to be impatient. At His core, God is a planner.

Throughout Christ's ministry, we see situations like this where He had a short encounter with someone, gave them a simple choice and the two went separate ways. Our assumption is, in most of these cases that people took their new-found freedom, told others about it and lived happily ever after. We know for a fact that this guy did.

But what about the ones who took a little longer to come around? who are those people?
Let's take a look at Matthew 9:

9 As Jesus was going on down the road, he saw a tax collector, Matthew,[c]sitting at a tax collection booth. “Come and be my disciple,” Jesus said to him, and Matthew jumped up and went along with him.

10 Later, as Jesus and his disciples were eating dinner at Matthew’s house,[d]there were many notorious swindlers there as guests!

11 The Pharisees were indignant. “Why does your teacher associate with men like that?”

12 “Because people who are well don’t need a doctor! It’s the sick people who do!” was Jesus’ reply. 13 Then he added, “Now go away and learn the meaning of this verse of Scripture,

‘It isn’t your sacrifices and your gifts I want—I want you to be merciful.’[e]

For I have come to urge sinners, not the self-righteous, back to God.”

Do you think it's any coincidence that earlier that day, Matthew was considered a tax collector and now there's a bunch of thugs hanging out at his house? I don't. 

I think Matthew was looking for a way out of his current situation, and when Jesus gave him that chance, he jumped at it. A lot of times people jump into things, knowing it's a good deal, but don't always count the cost first. Maybe Matthew didn't realize that following Jesus would change everything about his life. Perhaps Jesus planned it that way.

Jesus is not an elitist. He didn't think He was too good to break bread with these guys, and he didn't want Matthew to think that either. In fact, if you look at the lives of the people Jesus associated most closely with, you'll see they were just people. They had fears and doubts. With each stop on their journey with Jesus, He showed them something new. 

That is exactly what he wants to do with us. He wants us to walk with Him on this journey and to learn things along the way. When the rich man gave up his opportunity, it wasn't because following Jesus was too hard. It was because he wanted to know he could obtain salvation on his own. 

That's not how God works. We don't have to be perfect. We don't have to change everything the second we accept Him. The only thing we have to do is trust Him. He will take care of the changing-us part. When we're scared, he might nudge us a little more. When we're resistant because we're uncertain, He might give that assignment to someone else more willing, but that doesn't mean he's given up on us. When we realize that we cannot do it alone and we accept Him fully, rest assured, He is happy to dine at your table, regardless of what else is there.

Jesus is not intimidated by sin. Look the end of verse 13- "I have come to urge sinners, not the self-righteous, back to God." He can't do a whole lot with a stubborn, unteachable, self-made person, not because He doesn't want to, but because he respects the free will he gave us. But sinners? Sinners in desperate need of Jesus are always welcome.

Wherever you are on your journey, I hope you know that Jesus loves you. He wants so badly to walk with you through the hard stuff you're going through. You can be a Matthew. You can say yes now, and let the rest work itself out over time. Just let him in. The only thing he needs to work in your life is an open door.

Dining at the mercy seat,
Lindarella 

How To Have Healthy Friendships

Friendship is a tricky thing. As a young woman who has lived in three different cities since I was 17, I've built relationships and watched many of them crumble. The friendships that have stood the test of time are the ones built on a good, healthy foundation.

Jealousy is maybe the biggest indicator that the friendship is not healthy. Yes, there are the friends who are jealous of your time and want you all to themselves, but what I'm talking about are the friends who envy what you have.

With all the bashing on social media going on, sometimes people feel like they can't say anything good or anything bad, ever, because it might hurt someone's feelings. That's extreme and unfair.

Complaining and bragging are not the same thing as feeling and appreciating things. 

If you don't feel like you can honestly talk about what is going in your life, the friendship's foundation is not good. For example, after giving birth to my daughter 9 weeks ago, I began to lose weight really quickly. Between breastfeeding and chasing around two other children, I'm burning a lot of calories. I was really excited and shared this with one of my dearest friends. I knew that she was having a harder time losing her baby weight, but she celebrated with me. And I look for ways to support her in her goals, too.  It's give and take.

The wrong reaction would have been her turning it back to herself, like "Oh you're so lucky. I wish I could do that. I hope I can.. I want.. I.. I... I.." That would have made me feel guilty for that little success. You should never feel guilty for good things happening in your life. You should feel thankful and humble. 

It also would have been wrong of me to list all the things I was doing to lose the weight. That would have made her feel bad. I want my friends to know I accept them and love the regardless of their imperfections.

If you've got relationships that you don't feel work this way, should you cut them out of your life? Not necessarily. Friendships are built on patterns, and you have the power to change the pattern.

Here's how:
Be the first to empathize. Feel what the other person is feeling, good or bad.
.
It can't be that simple can it? Yes, actually it can. We can thank our mental wiring for that. We all want to feel related to, in fact there are neurons in our brains called Mirror Neurons that cause us to copy the actions of others. (Now you know why you pick up weird accents around certain people.)

If you give this an honest chance and it still seems like the other person is not reciprocating the effort, that tells you something. Probably that the other person does not really desire to relate to you. In that case, slowly cutting back the friendship is probably not going to hurt any feelings in the end.

The fact is, this is a skill we all need to work on, because this is the way Christ responds to us. He became flesh to be able to experience our humanity and to overcome it.

Take a look at this parable:

The Parable of the Lost Coin

8 “Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins[a] and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? 9 And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ 10 In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Luke 15:8-10

She confidently called her friends to rejoice with her, regardless of what they may have lost. For all we know, finances were a struggle for some of those friends. But they celebrated with her.

Let's be the friends that our friends can call. Let's be those that rejoice with others, even in the midst of our struggles. Let's be friends. 

Lindarella

Let's Talk About Sex. Or Not.

Reading the Bible as a teenager, I began to feel like it was a big list of don'ts; and for me, being raised in church I was pretty happy to comply with them. But something starts to happen when everyone sees God's word that way. We all start to feel a little bit afraid of everything. We ask questions like "is it a sin to _______?" (smoke weed, eat meat, drink alcohol, etc.) When really the questions we should be asking are "God, is my heart tuned into yours?" "Am I doing this for the right reasons?" "who's approval am I seeking?"

The big problem with Christians feeling fearful is that we react in one of two ways:
1) We treat everything like a sin and rob ourselves and others of our God-given freedom, or
2) We start treating our Christian walks like a game, always trying to find a loop-hole to get a step ahead.

Do you want to know where I think this trips us up the most?
Sexuality.

From Genesis- Revelation the word talks about sex, and mostly what we should abstain from.
That tends to send us spiraling into fear because there are so many things that aren't specifically addressed. We're afraid of it. Our teachers are afraid of it. We don't feel like we have answers, so we handle it in one of the two ways described above.

That leads us to rooms and conversations I can say I wish had never happened. As a teenager, serving at a Christian summer camp, I, along with about six other girls were sat down and told that the way we were dressing was causing the boys to have to masturbate. My initial thoughts were something like, "isn't that their problem?" But it never seems to be. I've sat through numerous teachings, big and small, that carefully explained why men are so sexually vulnerable. They're apparently visual (aren't we all?) And while some science kinda backs that, I don't see where the Bible does. Men and women are both sexually vulnerable. It's just for different reasons.

• men view sex as something they can conquer,
• women view sex as a form of love, attention or affection. 

 But according to the general christian population, the solution is for women to wear more clothing and for all of us to get married ASAP.

Okay, now if you all will bare (ha ha.. get it) with me for moment, let it be known: I care deeply about my brothers in Christ. So much so that when I get dressed in the morning, I ask myself if what I'm wearing is going to be a distraction to the men around me. If it's even borderline, I am willing to change. But who decided that
1) Men are not strong enough to fight temptation, and therefore must be handled with kids gloves,
2) Women should be held accountable for a man's sin and
3) women's struggles are less important and don't need to be addressed.
 Does a woman's provocative clothing express a deep desire for attention? Yes. But we're not dealing with heart issues here, are we? We're merely spraying perfume on caskets.

 Correction could be such a powerful tool in the body if it were not being used to soothe the fears of our leaders. The sad truth is that I'm not sure many of us even know what victory over sexual temptation looks like anymore. It's no wonder we're all afraid of it. But fear does not overcome. Faith overcomes. What if we were to radically change the way we see the Bible? What if every time we read a command or a strong suggestion against certain sexual acts, we didn't tremble with fear? What if every time we read about something God wants us to stay away from, we see that God is saying, "it is possible." ?  Read Romans 1:18-24. In verse 24 it says that God gave them over to their sinful desires and sexual impurity. But this is after refusal to glorify the God that they knew and instead choosing to think like the world and worship idols! It would take a lot for most of us to get to the point where God does not supply the strength we need through our temptations.

Let's look more specifically at what verse 20 says-

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

We are without excuse. We may not want to believe that, but that's the truth. We know God's power and His goodness. We can see evidence of it everywhere. We say that we know Him. So why are we putting Him in a box? Does His ability to deliver stop at sexual temptation? Does our free will not apply here? Are we just waiting for temptation to grab hold and drag us through the mud with neither ourselves nor God able to stop it? NO!

I'm not coming to you as a bitter woman proclaiming that life has been unfair to me. I am coming to you as a mother. I would be doing my sons a huge injustice to continue these lies that they have to be victims of physical urges for the rest of their lives. That the only solution is marriage, and at that, their wives are only there to help them sexually. I would be failing my daughter if I didn't tell her that the choices she makes with with her body need to be made between her and God, not out of guilt or fear. It would be a mistake to assume that my sons will be the only ones faced with sexual temptations or that my daughter will crave attention more than my sons will.

Is there anyone willing to stand with me on this? I want my children to know the truth. I want that for your family, too.

Lindarella

Have a Healthier Facebook Life

A couple of months ago I decided to take a break from Facebook. Most people do this from time to time to either refocus their lives a bit or get a breather from all the drama. I think my choice was a little of both.

So as I was living my life disconnected, I noticed a few things: 

1. I felt a little happier with my life, overall. 

2. I missed the time-filler aspect, but I didn't really miss it. 

3. I found myself making more personal connections. 

My biggest struggle in life has always been comparison. From the time I made my first friend as a kid, I think I've always thought a lot about how I measure up. Facebook can be a pitfall in that way. We see everyone's relationships, vacations and fun stuff they do with friends and family and suddenly we realize we're spectators. There are those who are out there playing the game of life, and we're the ones reading about it. Not a great feeling. Especially when you think about the fact that most of our day-to-day contact with the outside world is with people that we haven't ever shared a meal with or even seen in years. Not healthy. 

We cannot swap Facebook for fellowship. I know it's hard to put yourself out there, and "liking" a post can be easier than even saying "hello" to someone.  But we have to do it. We were created for relationships. So here are a couple ideas I have to make Facebook a little better for all of us. 

1. Hide- Hide people who complain a lot and people who brag a lot. Keep a list of who you've hidden and maybe go by their page every so often just to say "hi." 

2. Make it more personal- I'm tired of all the shares and the memes. I want to know how your day was! If I'm more likely to take interest in a real status update, chances are most other people feel the same. 

3. Be a Friend- Send messages, write on boards, comment. "Likes" are passive and non-committal. If this is a filler for personal interaction, then INTERACT! 

4. Get around real people- Create an event and invite people you haven't seen in a while. And when you are out with friends and family, don't feel the need to upload 15 pictures of it. You're making others feel left out, and that's not nice. 

5. Take invites seriously- (This is the thing I'm worst at.) Don't assume that someone just invited every person on their friends list. I would never do that. I think about who I want around my kids or in certain settings. If you've been invited to something, be as courteous as you would be with a mailed invitation. 

6. Play nice- Keep your own comments and posts friendly and respectful. I don't play by the "no politics, no religion" rules. There are things I believe in and sometimes I do want to make a statement about that, but it should all be done with courtesy. Don't jump into comment battles, don't call people out and don't put people down (not even the President.) Negativity could just get you hidden. 

I'm working on these, and I hope you'll try it too. Let's take Facebook back and make it fun again! 

Lindsay 

Gloves Off- The Marital Argument

This morning I was pretty angry. I think it was about 70% sleepiness and about 25% annoyed with the coffee maker. It wasn't working and all I really wanted to do was make some coffee for Allen and I to start our day. And then the mudslinging began- "are you sure you ground the coffee right?" "do you think I'm an idiot?! of course I did." and some how all of his "helpful" little suggestions just seemed to spiral me into a state of fury. FURY! really? it's coffee. Not a big deal, maybe not all my fault and certainly not worth ruining our day over. So as I sat, sulking at the table with the light off, drinking my coffee made with a french press, he started to laugh it off. And as he walked out the door and said, "love you" I replied, still with a little attitude in my voice and my arms crossed, "love you too."
But if we're going to have disagreements I'm glad it's this kind. I'm glad it's the stupid cup of coffee fight and not a question of loyalty fight. I'm happy. A day where maybe your biggest problem is coffee seems like a pretty privileged life to me. But you know- it's how we handle those little ones that determine what some of the other fights are about. I mean if he would've kept up or if I would have decided not to help him get out the door on time, we'd have a pretty ugly night ahead of us.
In the midst of an argument, ladies, take a step back, take a deep breath and trust God. Do good regardless of what you think will teach the lesson. But most of all, do not start being irrational. The whole "I can't even do this one thing! why would he still love me if I can't...blah blah blah" It's not becoming. You're getting into your own head and ruining your own day and it's just not worth that. Don't give the enemy the satisfaction of having a day off from you.
The ugly truth is that fights happen. But the beauty of it is that it works out our insecurities. In the midst of it, God shows His grace for us and gives us some helpful hints along the way to do less and less damage each time. THANK GOD! Because if it were up to me and my rebellion, I would have tried to prove my point right out the door.
I'm going to try and swallow my pride and focus on fighting the things that try to divide us, not the person I multiply with. (math humor.. eh? eh?) But really, I'm refocusing my energy- not on flesh and blood but on the darkness that constantly tries to creep in.

Fight the good fight 
Lindarella

Remain

God's word has this really magical way of tying up every loose end of my little life into the truth that is and will always be His love for me. I saw that shine through today stronger than I have in a long time.

So sit back, I've got a story to tell:

Sometime about five years ago, I had a very vivid dream and I believe to this day that even though I didn't fully understand it then, God's voice was the narrator.
In the dream I was in a large van on my way to a picnic at the bottom of a mountain. I was heading there with some people I considered to be spiritual role-models at the time. I knew that my husband didn't really care to go, but I had the feeling that this was something I didn't want to miss, and so I went. I'm not sure if we actually hiked that mountain, but I think we did.
On our way back, we saw my husband on the side of the road. He was struggling to climb a significantly smaller hill than the mountain I had just been to. So I got out and tried to help him, but he fell. Now, under natural circumstances, this wouldn't have been a big deal because of the size of the hill, but in the dream he started to die! I, feeling helpless, looked at him hoping for some sort of instruction about what he needed me to do, but sadly I watched him wither away.

I have always felt that God was telling me not to go chasing after the hype of Christianity; But know that my battles were going to be fought alongside my spouse, even if they seemed insignificant at the time.

It's easy when you're young and passionate about serving, to feel like the "God thing" could be your claim to fame. Let it be known, He is the one we make famous through our gifts and our serving.

The truth is that I've got a lot of little hills in my life that I need to conquer. And fortunately, God gave me a very strong man to stand beside me, help me up and give me some cold, hard facts when needed. That's the guy I need by my side on those little hills, when I feel like it's not even worth the bother. When I think that somehow I can go around it instead of over it and just worry about the mountains.

So hear me in this- I'm an ENFP. Spirituality is more real to me than my next meal. I don't even have to think about some things that might seem a little bizarre, because it just feels natural to BE spiritual. In fact sometimes I have to really guard myself from false teachings because I'm quick to trust without question. I'd say that my hubby is pretty opposite of me in this way. He knows God, believes God, his hope is in God. He wants to hear God's voice and he wants to make God centered choices. But MAN he has a hard time showing it. I want to jump into ministry head first and he is like "don't spend too much time at church." And so, sometimes I go on the defensive, feeling like our priorities are not in line. I'm pretty sure I said something like "I want to smack you in the head with a Bible right now.." just a few days ago. Yeah.. I did. That was effective. Not.

But today, as I dove into the last week of bible study reading for the class I'm currently taking, God smacked me over the head with His word.

John 15 Talks about God's way of shaping our hearts to be more like His. Cutting off all that does not bear fruit and pruning all the things that do, so they can be MORE effective.

That's hard to hear. Even the good stuff is going to take a painful process before it can really start producing.

But over and over again as I read, I just kept hearing those 3 little words:

Remain in Me

I have to stop trying to make everyone around me fit into my mold of "being spiritual." I don't want to stop. I want to keep pushing it because I'm happy here. But that's not what God is speaking. He is saying love each other. If anything ever had the power to get through to people, it's love. And I do not say that as a means of manipulating people, (because it can do that too, but it will backfire because it's not genuine.) But remain in Him. Remain in Him. Remain in Him. Remain in Him.  

Lindsay

13 FREE Wifey Gestures

It's February! Not only the month in which we celebrate Valentines Day, but also the month of my favorite man's birthday. So it should come as no surprise that I always want to do a little extra to make him feel loved this time of year. But, for those of us who share all our finances, it can be really tricky to surprise your spouse. So here's some little ideas. There's 13, so you could do one a day until Valentine's Day, if you so choose.

1. Write a steamy note. Literally. When the mirror fogs from the shower, write a little something with your finger. It's a nice little surprise when he gets out of the shower the next day.
2. Make him his favorite dinner. Just because. We all know the way to a man's heart, but only you know what meal gets to his!
3. Put the phone/ computer/ tablet down and just listen! Be present in the conversation.
4. Encourage. Remind him that you appreciate the things he does. Tell him how able you know he is.
5. Stop. Nagging. We all do it, but let's let them off the hook a bit, okay?
6.  Send a sweet note with his lunch. He may not find it for a week, but he'll still love it.
7. Give him a break. Think about planning your Valentine's Date this year.
8. Plan on breakfast. Get up and start off the day with some good family time, pancakes and coffee.
9. Do something he likes. Instead of shopping, think fishing/ hiking/ football. Whatever he likes. No complaints.
10. Tell him a secret. Let your wall down a little, it's part of intimately sharing everything.

11. Give a mini shoulder massage. 

12. Give him some quiet. Take the kiddos out for a bit, he could probably use it just as much as you. 

13. Pray for him. Don't pray that he changes, pray that he listens for God. Then sit back and trust them both. You may be surprised how good life is when you stop worrying. 

Happy February! 

Lindsay

New Year, New Focus

I'm not one for resolutions. If you want to change something in your life, there's no need to wait for a certain day or date to do it. I do, however, believe in seasons. And boy am I ready for a new season. Life is pretty good right now, not much to complain about. It's just.. that stirring feeling. Change.
It's sounds so good, doesn't it?
So since I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I have very little ability to change my circumstances, I'm going to change my focus in 2014. Instead of making it through each day, wondering when the glorious day will be that we have our own space again? Or when the boys will be more self sufficient so I can spend time on things like writing or baking? I'm going to focus this year around organization.
I work best under pressure. I have been kind of wingin' the whole mom thing. I'd like to change that. I'd like to feel more confident that I can have productive days and not have to skip out on the things I need for my own sanity's sake.
First things first. As a homemaker, even in someone else's home, I want to change the dynamic a bit. More positive attitudes, more lightheartedness. So I sat down and thought up some House Rules.

Print House Rules

BTW this looks really great on Kraft paper. It would also work well on yellow.  

My kids can't read yet. These are totally for the grown-ups around here! My hubby is so on board with these, and truthfully, in the week or so I've had them up, I see a change in the way we speak to one another. 

We're setting an example of people who can admit when they're wrong and not worry so much about the little things, and that has made for a great start to our year. 

This is my first ever time sharing a printable, so if it's glitchy- I'm still learning. Please comment below if you have trouble with it. I would much rather fix it than have my work copied. Please give credit where it is due here :) HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

lindsay

What to Wear to a Wedding, and Why it Actually Matters

At 17, I was so excited to plan my own wedding. I had thought about all the things that I wanted it to be. Magical would be the best description. Even though some of the details of my special day didn't turn out to be all I had imagined (surprise! planning a wedding in 3 months does not usually match a Disney fairytale kind of wedding), it was magical. Most of what I remember from that day is the smile plastered on my face, not because I had to smile but because I was genuinely happy.
The thing I hadn't thought about in all my planning, though, was how people would show up.

Apparently it's a good thing we didn't spring for a big fancy ballroom because the minute the guests arrived, it would have snapped me back into the reality that a lot of people just don't care.

Those pictures last forever. For at least the first three years of our marriage, people would ask to look at them whenever they visited. So yes, Auntie in the ridiculously low-cut dress, all my friends and family have seen that more than once.

I have been to a fair share of weddings since throwing my own, and I must admit, I'm the guest inspecting everyone's attire. I know that's not what the day is about, but during the 45 minute photo session, what am I to do but look at the strange(rs) around me. Can you believe that, at my mother-in-law's wedding, the FEMALE officiant had the nerve to show up in a cream colored dress!

Take a look at this list from what not to wear. I have literally seen every one of these, except maybe bell bottoms, at a wedding.

This kind of hits spot-on what I find appropriate, except I think some women can pull off a nice outfit with dressy pants as long as that makes sense for the venue, season and the couple. I still prefer dresses.

There are so many useful tips out there, if you just take a moment to look into it. The fact is, what you wear says so much about you. If you show up looking flashy or overtly sexy, people see you as desperately seeking attention. You're taking away from the bride's day and that's just rude.

If you show up too casual, it comes off as though you don't really care to be there and you weren't expecting it to be a special occasion. Any wedding, regardless of the venue, is special. It's important to the couple. For you to be invited, it should be a special day for you as well. Don't bother showing up if you don't feel that way about it.

I hope that this can give you a little perspective before attending your next wedding. It's not about trying to impress, it's about being respectful to the time and effort put into the planning and showing your support to the bride and groom.

Lindsay

Honestly Sincere

Coming into the summer, almost everyone has atleast one wedding to attend. For me it's my best friend! It's been so much fun talking to her through the last few months and seeing her transform from a confused single young lady, to a trying-to-figure-it-out Bride-to-be. It reminds me of when Allen and I were just starting out. All the ridiculous fights and conversations, all the anticipation for whatever the future would hold. And it has reminded me of how much I truly love my husband! The things nobody sees in him that I do, the silliness, the little habits that sometimes drive me nuts. He is honestly the piece of me that was missing for 17 years.

If you're married, you may also know that there are those days you just want to rip your spouses head off! We think, "why don't you do what I say!" and all we want is to be in total control. When that plans fails and the frustration sets in, all we see are the things we dislike. We feel powerless to change it, so we start doubting if this was really what we wanted. It was. It still is. Because it may be worth someone pushing your buttons for me to grow as a person.

Paul's letters to the churches have been hitting me full force for the last week or so. Everytime I feel like I'm struggling with my attitude or don't know how to correct my thoughts in certain areas, I open up to Romans or Ephesians or II Corinthians and BAM! shooting straight to my heart, I get a fresh perspective. So I consulted him on: how to feel love for someone who just isn't getting what you want from them at the moment.

 Sometimes you wait patiently for the still, small voice. Other times you get an obnoxious wake-up call while you're still warm and cozy in your folly.

Romans 12:9-13
 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, love what is good. 

I'm not saying my husband is evil. But this makes the point that you cannot love  someone while focusing on their flaws. Love the things you love about that person, because perception is reality.
Recently our pastor did a series on relationships and he made this point: It is not fair to judge others by their actions and yourself by your intentions. What would happen if we turned that around? If we thought about the effect our actions have on others? If we gave everyone the benefit of the doubt that they weren't really trying to be offensive? I feel like we would all live our lives a little less wounded and a lot more loving.

This is a challenge to myself to look at the positives and to appreciated the beautifully flawed in every person. Even in myself. Because to long for perfection in humanity is to be left empty-handed.
-Lindsay

Wedding Excitement and a Pretty Dress!

I love weddings.

Just wanted to get that out there. I could sit and watch "say yes to the dress" everyday. I get so excited every time someone invites me to a wedding. Well.. One of my dearest friends on the planet is getting married in May and I am bursting at the seams. I've been pinning ideas for her on Pinterest and planning our way to Phoenix for the last two months.

Weddings make me so happy because they take me back to my wedding day. I would venture to say that not much was perfect or what, I, as a little girl imagined my wedding day to be. The building was ugly and the room adorned with flags from many different countries around the room sort of set off my soft pink and lilies thing. My dress was perfect. Our cake was great. All the things we had control over were nice. But the thing I remember most from that day is the smile plastered on my face! I literally could not stop smiling. Once the nerves were gone and I saw the grooms face from the end of the aisle, I could have been in a dingy back alley and wouldn't have cared.

We can spend a lot of time trying to master the "big day." We can spend even more money trying to make and mold it into our childhood fantasy. The thing is, I just wanted to be married. I was ready to start my life with my husband. I knew that one day wasn't worth waiting another 365. And I do not regret that choice. Weddings are about the marriage. And in some ways I think the way that day turns out resembles the relationship's ups and downs. Like how we are always happy together, but sometimes the things outside our control throw us off a little. Maybe it's not always glamorous, but we can see past that because our love is more than picture perfect moments. Our crazy families overcomplicate things a little, but when the two of us stand together, nothing else matters. And God is at the center of it. He was then, and I know he always will be.

On Thursday we stood and renewed our Vows. Our church gave every married couple the opportunity to do so this past week. I was so happy I cried as I got to look into his eyes and tell him all over again that I am so much happier with him than I would have been trying to live without him. He was and is my choice for the rest of my life. The stability he brings to my scattered and flip-floppy approach to life have made everyday a little more worth while. I am so in love.

And so, naturally, when my friend told me the color she had chosen for her bridal party, I immediately found THE dress! Because anyone's wedding is worth dressing up for. After all, I'm celebrating her having that moment and in some ways reliving mine. A girl's gotta look good. So check out this dress. I haven't ordered it yet, but I will soon, with her "okay."

Coral Dress

ugh. I wish the website would let me post the pic, but it's cute. I'm obsesssssssed!

hope you all have a lovely day,
lindarella

Write Your Own Love Story-

Us girls love watching romantic movies and listening to songs that make us melt. In fact, I look forward to time by myself so I can lose myself in some sappy movie. Hollywood gets it- women want to feel loved and embraced, and if we don't feel it at home, we'll pay a high price for it. Men like to think they're the only ones with imaginations big enough to put themselves inside a scenario that's not real, but we can travel there as fast as you can say "Ryan Gosling."

So you can be the girl that waits and waits and waits.... and waits for that kind of romantic guy to come along. You can fall for the guy that says all the right things and end up disappointed when the chivalry dies. Or you can get real. Real guys don't always remember to be romantic, usually because they're too busy fixing your car.

I'm not suggesting that single girls need to settle for less than love. What I'm trying to say is write your own love story. Life doesn't have to mirror the drama or the perfection of what we see all the time. It's totally ok the be happy with someone who's not perfect.

It's ok to be happy with someone who's not perfect.

It's OK to be happy with someone who's not perfect.

And it definitely ok to be more that a pretty girl being pursued. I think sometimes we assume that being beautiful should be enough to earn the type of love we want. Sometimes we even think that's why we don't have the type of relationship we wish we did. That we're not pretty enough to be adored. Wrong.

Everything in life is give and take. When a man looks for a wife, he usually is looking for someone to help him in his journey. Someone who cares for him. You cannot show someone you care for them by just thinking about them, it takes action. If you want your man to bend a little and think about doing really crazy romantic things for you, do something for him. Work along side him, make him breakfast.. Something!

Lately I've realized that being a woman doesn't make me weak or incapable. I'm pretty strong, I'm pretty tough, I'm pretty smart and.. well.. I'm pretty.
I am loved- and it's the kind I wouldn't want to ever live without.

And so we will live beautifully flawed and happily ever after-
Lindarella