Why my kids can act like the little sinners they are

A few weeks ago, upon arriving at the rehearsal for our Christmas Eve service, my two boys began fighting. Back and forth, they punched and kicked each other down the center aisle of the auditorium of our church. I immediately felt the embarrassment rush to my face as I thought, "oh no, not at church!" But I didn't dare utter such words. Why not? Because I don't want my kids to think that way.

You see, every time I hear a testimony that begins with "I grew up in church.." I know the outline of the rest of the story. If you've lived it, you do, too. It usually is a prodigal-like story of thinking they thought they had their life all figured out and then eventually hit the realization that they too were sinners in need of saving.

This is cycle I hope to break with my children. We will take them to church and teach them about Jesus. We will have lots of discussions about the bible. We will find ways to relate God's word back to things they are dealing with in life. We will pray, worship and learn together. But I refuse to put Holy requirements on my unsaved children. It is my prayer that they make the decision to accept salvation sooner rather than later in life; and the moment they do, our relationship will become one of discipleship. But until then, everything is treated as outreach.

I am by no means the perfect parent. I have regrets from earlier today, for crying out loud! But this is one thing I have resolved to stick to. They will know Jesus loves them as sinners in their worst moment, not only at their best. They will know that His love is not contingent on folding their hands and closing their eyes during prayer, never saying bad words and always listening to their parents. I can't allow them to see God like that, because that's not who He is to me. He's loving and tenderhearted toward me, correcting me with peace and patience. I have to allow them to know God that way, and the best way I can do it is to model that, apologize when I blow it and let their own path take shape.

As a lifetime church girl, it feels a little like a social gamble, but it does not feel like a spiritual one at all. As hard as it is to face the world with church kids who don't act like "good christian kids," it would tear me apart to see them playing an unnecessary role only to find out years later that they missed the point. My goal is not perfection on the outside but repentance on the inside. Anything less is setting them up for a lifetime of undervaluing grace.

Confession: I've been trading busyness for community and it has to stop

I remember May in all its glory. Dragging on and on with its to-do list. The pile up of birthday parties and Memorial Day and longing for Summer. I had envisioned Summer to be the best time ever. We were going to be lounging pool-side all day only to come home to a clean house (because we hadn't been there all day) and a husband eager to grill op something delicious. Ahhh.. It was such a nice fantasy. 

 Meanwhile, June hit in full swing and I was so happy! But somewhere around the end of June I realized I was not enjoying it like I thought. It was a lot of lugging things around, dealing with bored, whiny kids and trying to not overspend on all the activities I felt I was supposed to be doing. 

What the heck?! When did it get this way? When did I begin to believe that the only way to spend time with people is by doing a bunch of stuff? 

Rewind to my early adult years (18-23), I was building some pretty deep relationships. Most of what we did was hang out at one of our houses, grabbed some cheap food and stayed up all night talking about whatever. For the most part, I've stayed in touch with those friends and we all cheer each other on from afar. Still, deep down, I think I'm afraid of that kind of closeness again. It's a raw feeling to allow others to know you that deeply. 

But why then, am I running around trying to be busy? Is it so people will think I'm interesting? Is it so I can be around people but not have to really get to know them? My guess: Some of both. 

So much of the conversations I hear are about what everyone did for the weekend, what awesome stuff their kids are into, what trips they're taking and all the amazing things I need to experience to be part of the club. It can feel heavy at times to think so much expectation is not only on you, but also your kids! I mean, whoa! My 5 year old doesn't need to be training for the Olympics for me to love him. 

Are you like me? Are you caught up in this cycle of thinking you're too much for others to handle, not enough for people to actually like, and totally fine on your own? Well, I've been wrong. And you might be too. We need those deep relationships, we are totally lovable and perhaps you need a good friend to help you manage all your crazy. I bet if you look, you'll find a few like-minded people you actually enjoy spending time with. 

So here's the challenge: invite someone over. Invite them for dinner. Invite them to hang out. Don't make it a big fuss. Don't over-complicate it with a fancy menu or try and tie in some other activity. Just hang out. 

Because we might not be the only ones. There might be a busy gal out there who thinks her rush is the only way to be social. Perhaps she believes she has to do all the things to be deemed worthy of joy. Maybe she's scared like I am that if people get too close, they will exploit her weaknesses. Let's show her that's not us. 

Fast-forward 20 years. When I do, I see my parents. I see them enjoying just hanging out with their friends. Yes! They get to travel and enjoy the freedom of empty-nesting, but what I see most is that the friendships they build are treasures. I'm hoping it doesn't take me another 20 years to learn that. 

I expect you've already got a friend in mind. Someone you want to know better but "life" seems to always be in the way. Tell "life" to move over, because fullness is about to move in. This stage of life poses enough challenges, so let's stop putting so much pressure on ourselves. Let's allow fellowship to flourish. 

Not-too-sweet no bake cookies

my oldest will be starting kindergarten next week! So aside from fighting back sobs on the daily, I've got two things on my mind:

1) sending him plenty of nutritional food, and

2) not breaking the budget

With summer heat in full swing, I'll take any opportunity to avoid using the oven. No bakes are a major no-brainier. Also, we almost always have all the necessary ingredients on hand. So without further ado-

THE RECIPE

these will be gone by tomorrow, btw. 

Stir over medium heat-

1/4 cup (4 tbsp) butter 

1/2 cup sugar- could maybe even get away with less!

1/4 cup milk 

4 tbsp cocoa powder

1/2 cup peanut butter

3 cups oatmeal 

Optional-

 tsp vanilla

1/2 tsp cinnamon

This should make about 2 dozen generous tablespoon sized cookies.

Drop these onto sheets of wax paper and then gently press them down with the back of a spoon. Let stand at room temperature for about 30 min or, for faster results, chill in the fridge. 

My boys LOVE these, and they really don't have any idea that these are packed with protein and fiber. They do keep their shape best if kept somewhat cool, so if you are thinking about lunch boxes like I am, remember to throw in an ice pack or other cool foods to help. 

Teaching Moments: Alphabet Hop-Scotch

My oldest is all about fun. All the time. This has posed some problems with trying to prepared him for Kindergarten. There have been tears, frustration, even yelling at one point. I thought that if I made teaching a priority, he would care to learn. And he does. He learns the names of all the Rescue Bots and Chima characters. He just doesn't want to sit and learn his letters! So we're done sitting. Yesterday I got a great idea for a little game we could play to help with letter recognition.

Alphabet Hop-Scotch 

Here's what you need:

Paper

markers or crayons

Masking Tape

Alphabet Flashcards (mine are from Dollar Tree!) 

Our roll of paper is from Ikea, but you could use sheets of paper, write the letters on them and place them close together. 

There are variations of this game, but since I'm really working on letter recognition, here's how to play: 

Shuffle the deck of alphabet cards, then have the first participant draw the top one. 

Tell the child the name of the letter, then let them find it on the "Letter Map." 

The object is to get to the letter without stepping on any others. 

For more of a challenge they can start from the other end of the Letter Map. Also, if they step on another letter, they have to say its name OR go back. You can gauge what will keep them most engaged in the activity.

  My 5 year old liked the challenge of starting from the opposite end from the letter, but my 3 year old just liked that he was getting them right. The point is to keep it fun. 

Variations: 

Name the letter. Encourage the child to remember the names of each letter. Really focus on recognizing its shape and talk about its sound. 

Play like real hop-scotch. Roll a lego onto the Letter Map, As they hop to it, ask them to name each letter the hop on. 

Build Words. Dollar Tree also has sight word flashcards. Use these (or make up your own list) And Have the child hop on the letters in that word. Think simple like "CAT" for instance. The first two letters are close together, but getting to that T would be a fun challenge. 

Can you think of other variations of this game? What sort of fun activities do you do to teach? 

(post in  comments)

Happy Teaching-

Lindarella

The Ever-Illusive Clean House

There are just some things I have to avoid on Pinterest. If you're addicted like the rest of us, you know what I mean. There are those places in our lives that we want to obtain so painfully that, when given an unlimited amount of pictures of the perfection we crave, it can get obsessive, and fast.
One of those, for me, is the home decor stuff. I love a pretty house. I could scroll for hours looking at furniture, paint schemes and textiles. But that's not my life.
My life is, in no particular order:
Socks on the floor
Sheets that need washed. Again.
Rugs that need vacuuming. Again.
Chile splatters on the stove
Legos I maneuver around, to my dismay, unsuccessfully
Water on the floor
Dishes in the sink
"is this clean or dirty?"
"I don't know, I haven't seen it today."
and the list goes on.

If you have children (or a husband) you know what I'm talking about.
The first few months of life with a baby were rough on me. I was, like all new moms, trying to figure out how to a) keep the baby alive, and b) somehow continue to function as an adult. I had imagined that since I was no longer working I would be able to stay on top of things and that parents with messy houses were just playing the victim.
What a wild imagination I once had!

So after trying to stay on top of things and then failing to do so and then being upset at myself for failing, I kinda broke down. I told my husband, "when the house is messy, I just feel so stressed and anxious and I don't even know where to start!" (Fact: my reaction to feeling overwhelmed is to shut down.)

And then I had one of those moments when I knew God gave me this great man for a reason. Lots of them, actually.

He said, "your peace should not come from a clean house." 

I immediately knew he was right. My peace should come from God and knowing that I've done all I could for His glory each day. Now, I still fail at that too. His mercy is so deep.

Realizing that there will be decades of my life that don't revolve around diapers and toys, and that I can enjoy a really clean house then has revolutionized my days. It doesn't mean that I'm okay letting things pile up around me, but at the end of a chaotic day, I can feel like I've done enough. And that is good enough for me.

Happy Chaos,
Lindarella

Five Things You Outgrow With Your Third Child

Let's face it, we live a world designed for a family of four. As we near the birth of our third child, I've been noticing things that will no longer work for our family and here are a few of them.

1. Dish Set- Those awesome 16 piece sets are great, but not for five people. Luckily all three of our kiddos can eat of their plastic dinnerware for a few more years. No need to replace quite yet.

2. The Table- Speaking of mealtime, our adorable little table is not going to live a purposeful life in our house for much longer. It will be a couple years before the baby will outgrow the highchair, but once she does- see ya!

3. Toothbrush Holder- Yep. That cute one we picked out for a wedding registry is now obsolete. I guess it gets my husband off the hook about putting his away.

4. Car- We recently had to upgrade to a vehicle with a third row. It's a nice upgrade though, since we get to put the noisy boys ALL THE WAY in the back,

5. Your hands- It may seem obvious, but I've been thinking a lot lately about how I'm actually going to corral three children with two hands. It should be interesting.

I'm so excited about this baby. I've always wanted three kiddos, so I'm hoping for that "complete" feeling for our family.
What's your ideal family size?

Lindarella

Why Do We All Want Genius Children, Anyway?

I am not convinced teaching is my gift. At least not the sit down and explain things kind of teaching. Relationships- I'm pretty good at that. I mean, I read most people like a child's board book, so I would hope that in my daily interactions and teaching moments with my boys, they're getting that. But I feel like a total failure when it comes to crafts, writing and even numbers. But I'm starting to wonder if all of the pressure to be better at these things is in my head?

I spoke with a Kindergarten teacher who said she really didn't think preschool made a difference as far a child's ability to keep up when they start school. And that's just it- we all want to push our kids and we already feel behind (aren't 4-year-old kids in China taking Algebra 1 or something?) Is it anything more than a game of comparisons with other families?

For me it's been more like a big attempt to make up for lost time. If I would have pushed myself, I could have been an A student. But I didn't. I would have loved an AP English or choir solos, but I was too timid. Some of those things, you just can't knock out of a person. How many times did my parents tell me to be brave and outgoing? It's not like they didn't. I was just shy.

My son is just shy. When he starts responding to me in a weird voice or hiding behind something, he's just being shy. I get it, too. We're all a little bit afraid to let people see what's going on inside our minds. Perhaps my best effort in teaching him new things is to just keep talking to him. Let him know he's safe. He can mess up. He can give me a wrong answer, and I will give him as many second chances as it takes. Why? because that's what God does for me. He lets me know I'm safe and He give out grace like nobody's business.

I want to teach them to go after what they want and to dream big and to love people with an unfailing type of love. That gets taught by example, and I think I can do that with the help of a very gracious God. If my kids are B students and don't raise their hand because they're shy, they will be okay. I am. Especially now that I see my child's education is not my big comeback.

Still learning here-
Lindarella

Our Snowy February Day

This is a story about a mama who did something for perhaps the very first time. 

She planned ahead. 

our library loot!

The two times a year that it snows in New Mexico, everybody talks about it. We cancel everything and hole up in our houses because we do not know how to drive in the snow. So, when I heard that a "storm" was on its way this week, I figured I should run (drive) to the library and stock up on some books to keep us happy at home.

I'll use any excuse to read children's books, actually. They're pretty much my favorite.

Clearly we didn't stray from the R-S shelves. I had a 2-year-old running around during after-school hours. We had to keep it short. 

Except I forgot my library card. Ahem- I don't know where it is. Luckily, Ira saved the day! His was tucked away in his car seat, where he left it the day we got it. Take that! librarian. 

So this afternoon, after a long winter's nap, we had a book fest. 

Ira wanted a picture with his favorite. 

I just want to say that I was against the whole idea of this book. It's a parody of Curious George by H.A. Rey and that is treading sacred ground in my mind. But he insisted on taking it, so I caved. Opinions aside, I will not deny my son the joy of finding a book he wants to read. 

You win some, you lose some. 

I'm still winning because he loves books!

Even Rey joined in the fun! He's the fuzziest cuddliest lion I know and sometimes he gives rides through the living room. This is the stuff I LOVE about being a mama. Building up a world of silliness and imagination. I do in hopes that, when the world tries to crush their spirit, they will remember that ordinary life can be magical.

Happy winter! 

Lindsay

Rey is our friend. He hangs out in the boys room and eats monsters. Nothing gets past him.