Confession: I've been trading busyness for community and it has to stop

I remember May in all its glory. Dragging on and on with its to-do list. The pile up of birthday parties and Memorial Day and longing for Summer. I had envisioned Summer to be the best time ever. We were going to be lounging pool-side all day only to come home to a clean house (because we hadn't been there all day) and a husband eager to grill op something delicious. Ahhh.. It was such a nice fantasy. 

 Meanwhile, June hit in full swing and I was so happy! But somewhere around the end of June I realized I was not enjoying it like I thought. It was a lot of lugging things around, dealing with bored, whiny kids and trying to not overspend on all the activities I felt I was supposed to be doing. 

What the heck?! When did it get this way? When did I begin to believe that the only way to spend time with people is by doing a bunch of stuff? 

Rewind to my early adult years (18-23), I was building some pretty deep relationships. Most of what we did was hang out at one of our houses, grabbed some cheap food and stayed up all night talking about whatever. For the most part, I've stayed in touch with those friends and we all cheer each other on from afar. Still, deep down, I think I'm afraid of that kind of closeness again. It's a raw feeling to allow others to know you that deeply. 

But why then, am I running around trying to be busy? Is it so people will think I'm interesting? Is it so I can be around people but not have to really get to know them? My guess: Some of both. 

So much of the conversations I hear are about what everyone did for the weekend, what awesome stuff their kids are into, what trips they're taking and all the amazing things I need to experience to be part of the club. It can feel heavy at times to think so much expectation is not only on you, but also your kids! I mean, whoa! My 5 year old doesn't need to be training for the Olympics for me to love him. 

Are you like me? Are you caught up in this cycle of thinking you're too much for others to handle, not enough for people to actually like, and totally fine on your own? Well, I've been wrong. And you might be too. We need those deep relationships, we are totally lovable and perhaps you need a good friend to help you manage all your crazy. I bet if you look, you'll find a few like-minded people you actually enjoy spending time with. 

So here's the challenge: invite someone over. Invite them for dinner. Invite them to hang out. Don't make it a big fuss. Don't over-complicate it with a fancy menu or try and tie in some other activity. Just hang out. 

Because we might not be the only ones. There might be a busy gal out there who thinks her rush is the only way to be social. Perhaps she believes she has to do all the things to be deemed worthy of joy. Maybe she's scared like I am that if people get too close, they will exploit her weaknesses. Let's show her that's not us. 

Fast-forward 20 years. When I do, I see my parents. I see them enjoying just hanging out with their friends. Yes! They get to travel and enjoy the freedom of empty-nesting, but what I see most is that the friendships they build are treasures. I'm hoping it doesn't take me another 20 years to learn that. 

I expect you've already got a friend in mind. Someone you want to know better but "life" seems to always be in the way. Tell "life" to move over, because fullness is about to move in. This stage of life poses enough challenges, so let's stop putting so much pressure on ourselves. Let's allow fellowship to flourish. 

How my favorite movie helped me see Proverbs 31 differently

I've got to say, as a girl who grew up in church, there might be no other passage of scripture I was taught more than Proverbs 31. During seasons of insecurity and wavering faith, it's something I've come back to, reminding me of the type of woman I want to be. It's something God has used in so many ways in my life. However, about a year ago, I had this realization:

The target audience here was a son!

I immediately began to question everything because as a mother of two boys, I am highly aware that there may never be a girl I deem "good enough" for my sons. Could it be that this is a biblical Monster-In-Law? How did I not see it sooner? But don't worry. I haven't ruled it out completely, since it is God's word. After all, it holds validity in my life.

Which brings me to my most favorite movie ever: Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

I'll give you the breakdown, in case your not a classic musical nerd like I am.

The oldest of seven brothers (backwoodsmen) decides to go into town to find a wife. He meets a lovely woman named Milly at a local diner. He likes her spunk and hard working attitude and quickly convinces her to marry him. It's not until they get home that she realizes that there are 7 single men living here, and they need a lot of help with the upkeep of the place. She gets upset, naturally. She thought this was going to be her happily ever after. Instead she feels cheated, like he chose her as a maid, not a wife.

There's this line, though, that is not overly romantic, but I find it sweet.
Adam (the eldest brother) tells Milly that he knew he needed someone to "work alongside him."
Boy! isn't that marriage for you? Not all romance and deep conversations. Sometimes we both just get to work knowing the other is right there with us, doing the same.

I think this is what the King Lemuel's mother understood.
The first 9 verses are focused on the behavior and duties of a king. Then she continues into describing a Wife of Noble Character.

This was a mother explaining to her son that he was going to need good support in the life he was given. That drinking and sleeping around were not going to get the job done. That he needed to see the beauty of a woman with self-discipline, strength and independence.

I am saddened that for a lot of my life, I looked at this as a checklist of all the things I should do to be a good christian, a good wife and a good woman in general. I have allowed it to be something that makes me feel indebted rather than empowered. I look at this woman and think "wow! she does a lot on her own and for others." It makes me realize that maybe what my husband needs is not to be needed. Perhaps he needs me to be more of a team player.

First, I am convicted that this portion of the word is not exclusively written for women. God's word is for all of us. My sons could gain a lot of wisdom and avoid a lot of hurt by knowing these truths.

Secondly, I am reminded that there are ways I can evolve as a wife. It's not enough to think "he already chose me." Our lives change so frequently, that I have to be willing to grow toward Christ, or this thing called marriage could one day elude me.

It is always important to return to the word of God. Always. That said, some of the things listed here might not be relevant to your life specifically (like All. The. Sashes). Or sewing in general. I don't know! But I think what we should look at here is her heart. She stays productive (not just busy). She is generous. She makes good choices. She blesses her husband and children.

So maybe I look at this a guideline for things I want to get better at, not a to-do list for love. Most of all, I hope to see it as a possibility for my life, not something that brings shame in the areas I presently lack. Let's also remember that for every high standard God has, there's an even higher measure of grace.

Proverbs 31 is a picture of high functioning marriage. One that sets an example for a whole Kingdom! Again. Not necessarily an exact fit, but let's just call it "community" because that makes a little more sense in my life.

 May we all see the truth: that what we do, we do alongside the ones we love.

Have a Wonderful, Wonderful day, y'all!