Shared Space Harmony

Let me begin by saying that I do not claim to have the art of living peacefully with others 100% mastered. I might have about a 50% success rate. But if you are living in a home with others, 50% might sound pretty good right now.

There are six of us under one roof. My parents, my husband and I, and our two little boys who are both under the age of 3. Imagine moving you family of four in with happy "empty-nesters." Then try to imagine parenting (especially disciplining) with 1) your parents, or 2) your children's grandparents watching. Am I painting a picture here?

It's tough, mucky, steep terrain. And I also want to say, on a positive note, I am really grateful for this time. My hubby is getting the chance to go to school and do something he enjoys, I get to have the time with my parents that I missed when we moved away and THEY get to watch their two favorite people in the world change and grow everyday. It does, however, come with sacrifices in comfort both physically and emotionally. Thus I have something to write about.

Rule 1) If you are living in someone else's house, be appreciative. Don't take advantage of someone else's kindness. Try and be helpful and positive.

Rule 2) Don't play the victim, it's annoying. If you're residing in someone's house, it's probably because of financial reasons. Some may be out of your control, but take responsibility where it's needed. People are trying to help you, so stop with the sob story, take the hand up and prove you can move forward. This is just as important for YOU as it is for anyone. being in the "poor me" phase too long will depress you, it's just a matter of time.

Rule 3) Don't overstay your welcome. That means, let their house just be their house sometimes. Go for a drive, go to the store, camp out in your room with your kids (after you help cleanup the kitchen, perhaps). ~This is something that I don't get right very often. I selfishly want the human interaction and have a hard time breaking off.

Rule 4) Make it a win win! Since we arrived here, we've done our best to help with little projects, filtering out things that have piled up, painting, cleaning. I have taken over most of the meal planning and grocery shopping as well as much of the cooking and ALL the laundry. If I'm not having to pay rent, I'm going to work a little harder to make sure my parents don't feel like doormats.

Rule 5) Change thing up. A few weeks ago, things started getting a little tense. I could just feel the frustration and all the words unspoken. So I got creative and made, what I called, a "Do Unto Other Jar." I took some Popsicle sticks and wrote things like "be patient"  "give you time" and "focus on love" on them. I told everyone that as they see fit, pull on of the sticks and make it your focus for a while (a day, a week). When we began to lose focus of the positives, we all started getting really irritable. Once that dynamic is established, it's REALLY hard to get rid of. Do your best to keep it light and loving.

Something else I did to lighten the mood was this: We have a bar that became a catch all for all manner of evil. Toys I wanted out of reach for the boys, mail, dishes, whatever was in our hands when we walked in. It was a disaster. So I made a score board. Every time someone put something down there, they got a mark. At the end of the night, whoever had the most mark got put of pots and pans duty. that fixed that. Just find fun ways to keep everyone from getting too comfortable (aka lazy).

Rule 6) Communicate. So you meant to stay 6 months, and it's looking like a year. Talk about it. Give your hosts the chance to reestablish boundaries, talk about new expectation or just talk about how they've been feeling. You don't always know what you're agreeing to, and it's a little hard to change expectations AFTER you've said "ok."

Rule 7) Give a little. So we don't have a lot of expendable cash right now. It's not like it's a secret. But if we are out and about, I try to pick up Starbucks or when we can, throw in the tip for a meal out. It's not a lot, but it says "hey! we appreciate you and we're making an effort."

Rule 8) Compromise, and don't. Be willing to let the little things slide for the sake of peace. Don't feel like you have to lose yourself completely. Not having your morals or intentions grounded will become a big deal. Right now I'm dealing with this one in my parenting. There is a lot I would probably do for my own sanity that I am not for the sake of peace. It's honestly about to drive me nuts! I'm working on finding the balance, and I also wonder if it's worth it now if I could just wait until we move out. FYI, I'm talking little habits and behaviors. It's picking and choosing the battles.

Rule 9) Make yourself at home, kinda. Make your favorite dish for dinner. Don't leave a disgusting mess and wait three days to clean it. Put simply, be mindful that other people live here and are watching you. Don't be a slob!

Rule 10) Say Thank You! No really. People don't usually feel taken advantage of when you let them know you are grateful. Just saying it makes a difference. Really.

Alfredo Sauce at it's Best

I make Fettucini Alfredo pretty frequently. It's Ira's favorite :)
I usually follow Emeril's recipe Fettucine Alfredo and with good reason. It's yummy. But last night, I mixed it up a little and it was so yummy! My pasta came out very saucy and awesome.
So here's the recipe:

1 stick of butter (8 Tbsp, salted)
1 cup Heavy Cream
1/2 cup Milk
1 1/2 Cups Italian blend cheese (you could use just parmesan or romano, but the blend was good.)
Season to taste, I used salt, garlic and an italian blend.

Warm butter until melted, then add heavy cream and cheese. Stir until the sauce thickens, then add the milk gradually until you get the desired consistency. Then season and serve.

This is the perfect amount for 1 box of fettucini noodle. Top with grilled chicken cut into slices. Sit back enjoy and don't expect to put away any leftovers ;)

She Does it All

Last week I decided it was time to get out of my little funk. You know.. the one we SAHMs get in when we are home too much. I had stopped noticing the piles of laundry and all the toys on the floor. Being able to sweep and mop had become a fantasy. So I started getting up early and showering before my precious little boys woke up. I started my days early, worked all day long to clean clean clean and before I knew it, it was time to make dinner and my boys were begging for my attention (in whatever creative ways they could think of.)

I try so hard to do it all. Give my kids the attention they need. After all- THAT'S why I stay home with them. Keep our home clean and presentable. Plan and prepare most of our meals. It wasn't possible, at least not all at once. Something had to give.

Time with my boys was not going to be it. I am a young mom. Assuming that I have one more child within the next two years I would be 44 by the time my youngest turned 18. From that point on, I will probably have a lot more time to worry about having a spotless house. Right now I have a one-year-old who's learning to climb and play. He's got a growing vocabulary and a fascination with being outside. I have a little boy who will be three in December who's transitioning from being a baby- fully reliant on me- to being a little boy who can do A LOT by himself. Time is fleeting. I don't get to hit pause and watch them explore life "when I have time." It's now or never. They need me. And I need them.

If there is anything in this life I want to preserve, it my relationships. If I stop paying attention now, how could I expect my sons to be open with me when they go through challenges later on? I want to be there, so I'm choosing to be here. Now.

I will do what I can, and push myself everyday to squeeze the most out of every minute. But I will also play and laugh and let them eat ice cream. Because emotionally healthy kids turn into really happy adults. And that's a cause worth fighting for.

Mama's honor-
Lindarella

Write Your Own Love Story-

Us girls love watching romantic movies and listening to songs that make us melt. In fact, I look forward to time by myself so I can lose myself in some sappy movie. Hollywood gets it- women want to feel loved and embraced, and if we don't feel it at home, we'll pay a high price for it. Men like to think they're the only ones with imaginations big enough to put themselves inside a scenario that's not real, but we can travel there as fast as you can say "Ryan Gosling."

So you can be the girl that waits and waits and waits.... and waits for that kind of romantic guy to come along. You can fall for the guy that says all the right things and end up disappointed when the chivalry dies. Or you can get real. Real guys don't always remember to be romantic, usually because they're too busy fixing your car.

I'm not suggesting that single girls need to settle for less than love. What I'm trying to say is write your own love story. Life doesn't have to mirror the drama or the perfection of what we see all the time. It's totally ok the be happy with someone who's not perfect.

It's ok to be happy with someone who's not perfect.

It's OK to be happy with someone who's not perfect.

And it definitely ok to be more that a pretty girl being pursued. I think sometimes we assume that being beautiful should be enough to earn the type of love we want. Sometimes we even think that's why we don't have the type of relationship we wish we did. That we're not pretty enough to be adored. Wrong.

Everything in life is give and take. When a man looks for a wife, he usually is looking for someone to help him in his journey. Someone who cares for him. You cannot show someone you care for them by just thinking about them, it takes action. If you want your man to bend a little and think about doing really crazy romantic things for you, do something for him. Work along side him, make him breakfast.. Something!

Lately I've realized that being a woman doesn't make me weak or incapable. I'm pretty strong, I'm pretty tough, I'm pretty smart and.. well.. I'm pretty.
I am loved- and it's the kind I wouldn't want to ever live without.

And so we will live beautifully flawed and happily ever after-
Lindarella