Why my kids can act like the little sinners they are

A few weeks ago, upon arriving at the rehearsal for our Christmas Eve service, my two boys began fighting. Back and forth, they punched and kicked each other down the center aisle of the auditorium of our church. I immediately felt the embarrassment rush to my face as I thought, "oh no, not at church!" But I didn't dare utter such words. Why not? Because I don't want my kids to think that way.

You see, every time I hear a testimony that begins with "I grew up in church.." I know the outline of the rest of the story. If you've lived it, you do, too. It usually is a prodigal-like story of thinking they thought they had their life all figured out and then eventually hit the realization that they too were sinners in need of saving.

This is cycle I hope to break with my children. We will take them to church and teach them about Jesus. We will have lots of discussions about the bible. We will find ways to relate God's word back to things they are dealing with in life. We will pray, worship and learn together. But I refuse to put Holy requirements on my unsaved children. It is my prayer that they make the decision to accept salvation sooner rather than later in life; and the moment they do, our relationship will become one of discipleship. But until then, everything is treated as outreach.

I am by no means the perfect parent. I have regrets from earlier today, for crying out loud! But this is one thing I have resolved to stick to. They will know Jesus loves them as sinners in their worst moment, not only at their best. They will know that His love is not contingent on folding their hands and closing their eyes during prayer, never saying bad words and always listening to their parents. I can't allow them to see God like that, because that's not who He is to me. He's loving and tenderhearted toward me, correcting me with peace and patience. I have to allow them to know God that way, and the best way I can do it is to model that, apologize when I blow it and let their own path take shape.

As a lifetime church girl, it feels a little like a social gamble, but it does not feel like a spiritual one at all. As hard as it is to face the world with church kids who don't act like "good christian kids," it would tear me apart to see them playing an unnecessary role only to find out years later that they missed the point. My goal is not perfection on the outside but repentance on the inside. Anything less is setting them up for a lifetime of undervaluing grace.

Confession: I've been trading busyness for community and it has to stop

I remember May in all its glory. Dragging on and on with its to-do list. The pile up of birthday parties and Memorial Day and longing for Summer. I had envisioned Summer to be the best time ever. We were going to be lounging pool-side all day only to come home to a clean house (because we hadn't been there all day) and a husband eager to grill op something delicious. Ahhh.. It was such a nice fantasy. 

 Meanwhile, June hit in full swing and I was so happy! But somewhere around the end of June I realized I was not enjoying it like I thought. It was a lot of lugging things around, dealing with bored, whiny kids and trying to not overspend on all the activities I felt I was supposed to be doing. 

What the heck?! When did it get this way? When did I begin to believe that the only way to spend time with people is by doing a bunch of stuff? 

Rewind to my early adult years (18-23), I was building some pretty deep relationships. Most of what we did was hang out at one of our houses, grabbed some cheap food and stayed up all night talking about whatever. For the most part, I've stayed in touch with those friends and we all cheer each other on from afar. Still, deep down, I think I'm afraid of that kind of closeness again. It's a raw feeling to allow others to know you that deeply. 

But why then, am I running around trying to be busy? Is it so people will think I'm interesting? Is it so I can be around people but not have to really get to know them? My guess: Some of both. 

So much of the conversations I hear are about what everyone did for the weekend, what awesome stuff their kids are into, what trips they're taking and all the amazing things I need to experience to be part of the club. It can feel heavy at times to think so much expectation is not only on you, but also your kids! I mean, whoa! My 5 year old doesn't need to be training for the Olympics for me to love him. 

Are you like me? Are you caught up in this cycle of thinking you're too much for others to handle, not enough for people to actually like, and totally fine on your own? Well, I've been wrong. And you might be too. We need those deep relationships, we are totally lovable and perhaps you need a good friend to help you manage all your crazy. I bet if you look, you'll find a few like-minded people you actually enjoy spending time with. 

So here's the challenge: invite someone over. Invite them for dinner. Invite them to hang out. Don't make it a big fuss. Don't over-complicate it with a fancy menu or try and tie in some other activity. Just hang out. 

Because we might not be the only ones. There might be a busy gal out there who thinks her rush is the only way to be social. Perhaps she believes she has to do all the things to be deemed worthy of joy. Maybe she's scared like I am that if people get too close, they will exploit her weaknesses. Let's show her that's not us. 

Fast-forward 20 years. When I do, I see my parents. I see them enjoying just hanging out with their friends. Yes! They get to travel and enjoy the freedom of empty-nesting, but what I see most is that the friendships they build are treasures. I'm hoping it doesn't take me another 20 years to learn that. 

I expect you've already got a friend in mind. Someone you want to know better but "life" seems to always be in the way. Tell "life" to move over, because fullness is about to move in. This stage of life poses enough challenges, so let's stop putting so much pressure on ourselves. Let's allow fellowship to flourish. 

Fun & Purposeful Advent Activities (25 day plan)



Advent Activities with rest, family time and Jesus-focus built in

December is just around the corner, and while I have been listening to Christmas Music since November 1st (all bets are off after Halloween, if you as me) We haven't done much around the castle to really get in the spirit.
Since my sons were very young, I've really made a point to focus on the truth of Christmas. I'm not "anti-Santa" or anything. It's just not about that for us. Some of our traditions are more mainstream, like watching Rudolph. But as time draws nearer, I like to really fix our eyes on Jesus. I think there are plenty of ideas out there on the two extremes, but I wanted to make a well thought-out list for those of us who tend to embrace both spiritual and festive traditions throughout the season. Here goes!

1. Decorate. We won't get our tree until later on, but we will at least get started.
2. Read The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. If you don't have a copy, try your local library OR watch this reading on Youtube.
3. Christmas Parade. That's the date for our town, anyway. (Tip- Make something in the crockpot)
4. Put up tree. We are planning to make a day of it and go get one, but that might end up being a trip to Lowe's.
5. Send out Christmas Cards. Get on it, girls!
6. Make cookies together.
7. Cookie Exchange with neighbors.
8. Wrap a few presents. It's nice to have some under the tree.
9. Family Night! (game, dinner out, local activity)
10. Hang Candy Canes on tree and read the Candy Cane Gospel
11. Watch Elf.
12. Read The Night Before Christmas. I know.. it's not Christmas Eve.
13. Christmas Dinner with friends.
14. Make Tamales. This is a Christmas in New Mexico staple.
15. String popcorn.
16. Make Nativity Ornaments.These are Cute, but pinterest has infinite ideas if you're crafty.
17. Family Christmas Party.
18. Watch Rudolph.
19. Read The Christmas Story in Luke Chapter 2
20. Take a day to put finishing touches on your decorations, rest and prepare Him room.
21. Christmas Light Scavenger Hunt. My favorite tradition! I like This List, but there are lots out there. Don't forget hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.
22. Finish Wrapping gifts (if you have them all!)
23. Pray for those you've invited to your Christmas Eve service. Make Faralitos (Google it)
24. Attend Christmas Eve Service. Afterward we give the kids their Christmas Jammies as an early present.
25. Open presents!!!! Later on, we will watch A Christmas Story. That's our family's favorite.


Momming like a Boss- Handle your first like a seasoned vet

My third child turned one this month and it's had me reflecting on how easy the last year was. A big contributor to that was her wonderfully content disposition. I mean, really, she's a very easy-going child. But I also like to think that a little experience on my part has made me a more easy-going parent. It's given me the ability to not sweat the small stuff and enjoy this first year a lot more than I did with the first two (sorry, guys!)

Here we are with our firstborn. Life was simple and we knew
literally nothing. 

With all that in mind, I thought it might be nice to write down a few things that I've learned. Maybe a first-timer can take my word for it and breeze through that first year! It's worth a shot, right? 

1. See the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Your baby will only be a baby for one year! Once they start walking and talking, all the cuddly stuff tapers off and it's full on exploration mode. Enjoy the baby stuff. Hold them just because they want you  to. And know that you will sleep a full night again. You will get to be alone with your spouse for longer than 2 hours again. If you focus on experiencing this first year to the fullest, you won't regret so much when it's over. 

2. Build a Routine- but don't be it's slave. 

Every parent will tell you that when you add a second child, the first thing you HAVE TO DO is get on a schedule. It's imperative to your sanity. But often times, I found myself enslaved by my own schedule. You have to have a little flex every now and then. And you cannot stress when things derail. It does not help, trust me. 

Start with a basic sleep schedule- this is my rule of thumb:

6 hours awake, 2 hour nap

6 hours awake 10 hours asleep. 

For my boys, that 6 hours was key in making sure they were actually tired enough to sleep. That might mean waking your child up earlier, it may mean not expecting them to be in bed at 7pm. It all depends on your day. 

Little guys snoozing. Perfection. 

3. Don't Skip the Nap

this falls in line with point 2, but I think it's the most important thing I learned with little guys. On days when my boys would not nap (age 1-4) they would wake up with night terrors. I thought it was bizarre at first, You'd think an exhausted child would sleep really well, but there's actually a lot of research that says the contrary. If you want your child to sleep well, make sure they are sleeping enough. 

If you struggle getting your kids down for a nap, I suggest setting the mood (low lighting, soft music and less smiley-giggly games). Your child will pick up on the sense that you're stressed or just want them asleep and they will fight you more. Which brings me to my next point-

4. Set the tone for calm

Kids are more intuitive than we give them credit for. If you're feeling scared, stressed, angry, sad, etc., they will draw from that. It can produce a myriad of emotions flying around your home. It's important to stay calm. We are human, we are going to feel thing! But you will create unnecessary stress in your home if, for instance, the wind is howling and you stop dead in your tracks to listen to it (with panicky eyes searching around the room, of course). Your kids are not going to feel safe. They don't have the same rationalizing skills that we do. So, rationalize situations and the express those feelings. Like "hmm.. that wind sure is picking up tonight. I'm glad we have a safe, cozy home." 

Also, just kill the bug. Don't scream. Don't panic. You have the power to teach kids to not be afraid!  

#3 Clearly our happiest child because her parents actually
 know what they're doing (kinda)

5. Don't buy expensive diapers

This might the most practical thing on my list, but let me tell you this:

Walmart diapers that say something like "compare to Huggies.." are going to be better diapers than Luvs. We used Luvs with out first two because they were cheaper, but still name-brand. I won't get too graphic, but we have seen some horrific blow-outs. Just don't. We have bought nothing but store brand diapers over the last year and our experience has been great! clothes stay cleaner, we don't have scary clean-ups in public bathrooms or entire crib sheets defaced. 

Seriously, guys. Don't buy Luvs. 

That's my list. I hope that it helps! I'll be sure to add on if I think of anything else. 

Seasoned mamas, what's the best advice you give new mamas? 

The Ever-Illusive Clean House

There are just some things I have to avoid on Pinterest. If you're addicted like the rest of us, you know what I mean. There are those places in our lives that we want to obtain so painfully that, when given an unlimited amount of pictures of the perfection we crave, it can get obsessive, and fast.
One of those, for me, is the home decor stuff. I love a pretty house. I could scroll for hours looking at furniture, paint schemes and textiles. But that's not my life.
My life is, in no particular order:
Socks on the floor
Sheets that need washed. Again.
Rugs that need vacuuming. Again.
Chile splatters on the stove
Legos I maneuver around, to my dismay, unsuccessfully
Water on the floor
Dishes in the sink
"is this clean or dirty?"
"I don't know, I haven't seen it today."
and the list goes on.

If you have children (or a husband) you know what I'm talking about.
The first few months of life with a baby were rough on me. I was, like all new moms, trying to figure out how to a) keep the baby alive, and b) somehow continue to function as an adult. I had imagined that since I was no longer working I would be able to stay on top of things and that parents with messy houses were just playing the victim.
What a wild imagination I once had!

So after trying to stay on top of things and then failing to do so and then being upset at myself for failing, I kinda broke down. I told my husband, "when the house is messy, I just feel so stressed and anxious and I don't even know where to start!" (Fact: my reaction to feeling overwhelmed is to shut down.)

And then I had one of those moments when I knew God gave me this great man for a reason. Lots of them, actually.

He said, "your peace should not come from a clean house." 

I immediately knew he was right. My peace should come from God and knowing that I've done all I could for His glory each day. Now, I still fail at that too. His mercy is so deep.

Realizing that there will be decades of my life that don't revolve around diapers and toys, and that I can enjoy a really clean house then has revolutionized my days. It doesn't mean that I'm okay letting things pile up around me, but at the end of a chaotic day, I can feel like I've done enough. And that is good enough for me.

Happy Chaos,
Lindarella

Five Things You Outgrow With Your Third Child

Let's face it, we live a world designed for a family of four. As we near the birth of our third child, I've been noticing things that will no longer work for our family and here are a few of them.

1. Dish Set- Those awesome 16 piece sets are great, but not for five people. Luckily all three of our kiddos can eat of their plastic dinnerware for a few more years. No need to replace quite yet.

2. The Table- Speaking of mealtime, our adorable little table is not going to live a purposeful life in our house for much longer. It will be a couple years before the baby will outgrow the highchair, but once she does- see ya!

3. Toothbrush Holder- Yep. That cute one we picked out for a wedding registry is now obsolete. I guess it gets my husband off the hook about putting his away.

4. Car- We recently had to upgrade to a vehicle with a third row. It's a nice upgrade though, since we get to put the noisy boys ALL THE WAY in the back,

5. Your hands- It may seem obvious, but I've been thinking a lot lately about how I'm actually going to corral three children with two hands. It should be interesting.

I'm so excited about this baby. I've always wanted three kiddos, so I'm hoping for that "complete" feeling for our family.
What's your ideal family size?

Lindarella

Let's Talk About Sex. Or Not.

Reading the Bible as a teenager, I began to feel like it was a big list of don'ts; and for me, being raised in church I was pretty happy to comply with them. But something starts to happen when everyone sees God's word that way. We all start to feel a little bit afraid of everything. We ask questions like "is it a sin to _______?" (smoke weed, eat meat, drink alcohol, etc.) When really the questions we should be asking are "God, is my heart tuned into yours?" "Am I doing this for the right reasons?" "who's approval am I seeking?"

The big problem with Christians feeling fearful is that we react in one of two ways:
1) We treat everything like a sin and rob ourselves and others of our God-given freedom, or
2) We start treating our Christian walks like a game, always trying to find a loop-hole to get a step ahead.

Do you want to know where I think this trips us up the most?
Sexuality.

From Genesis- Revelation the word talks about sex, and mostly what we should abstain from.
That tends to send us spiraling into fear because there are so many things that aren't specifically addressed. We're afraid of it. Our teachers are afraid of it. We don't feel like we have answers, so we handle it in one of the two ways described above.

That leads us to rooms and conversations I can say I wish had never happened. As a teenager, serving at a Christian summer camp, I, along with about six other girls were sat down and told that the way we were dressing was causing the boys to have to masturbate. My initial thoughts were something like, "isn't that their problem?" But it never seems to be. I've sat through numerous teachings, big and small, that carefully explained why men are so sexually vulnerable. They're apparently visual (aren't we all?) And while some science kinda backs that, I don't see where the Bible does. Men and women are both sexually vulnerable. It's just for different reasons.

• men view sex as something they can conquer,
• women view sex as a form of love, attention or affection. 

 But according to the general christian population, the solution is for women to wear more clothing and for all of us to get married ASAP.

Okay, now if you all will bare (ha ha.. get it) with me for moment, let it be known: I care deeply about my brothers in Christ. So much so that when I get dressed in the morning, I ask myself if what I'm wearing is going to be a distraction to the men around me. If it's even borderline, I am willing to change. But who decided that
1) Men are not strong enough to fight temptation, and therefore must be handled with kids gloves,
2) Women should be held accountable for a man's sin and
3) women's struggles are less important and don't need to be addressed.
 Does a woman's provocative clothing express a deep desire for attention? Yes. But we're not dealing with heart issues here, are we? We're merely spraying perfume on caskets.

 Correction could be such a powerful tool in the body if it were not being used to soothe the fears of our leaders. The sad truth is that I'm not sure many of us even know what victory over sexual temptation looks like anymore. It's no wonder we're all afraid of it. But fear does not overcome. Faith overcomes. What if we were to radically change the way we see the Bible? What if every time we read a command or a strong suggestion against certain sexual acts, we didn't tremble with fear? What if every time we read about something God wants us to stay away from, we see that God is saying, "it is possible." ?  Read Romans 1:18-24. In verse 24 it says that God gave them over to their sinful desires and sexual impurity. But this is after refusal to glorify the God that they knew and instead choosing to think like the world and worship idols! It would take a lot for most of us to get to the point where God does not supply the strength we need through our temptations.

Let's look more specifically at what verse 20 says-

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

We are without excuse. We may not want to believe that, but that's the truth. We know God's power and His goodness. We can see evidence of it everywhere. We say that we know Him. So why are we putting Him in a box? Does His ability to deliver stop at sexual temptation? Does our free will not apply here? Are we just waiting for temptation to grab hold and drag us through the mud with neither ourselves nor God able to stop it? NO!

I'm not coming to you as a bitter woman proclaiming that life has been unfair to me. I am coming to you as a mother. I would be doing my sons a huge injustice to continue these lies that they have to be victims of physical urges for the rest of their lives. That the only solution is marriage, and at that, their wives are only there to help them sexually. I would be failing my daughter if I didn't tell her that the choices she makes with with her body need to be made between her and God, not out of guilt or fear. It would be a mistake to assume that my sons will be the only ones faced with sexual temptations or that my daughter will crave attention more than my sons will.

Is there anyone willing to stand with me on this? I want my children to know the truth. I want that for your family, too.

Lindarella

What Does it Cost to Stay Home?

In 2009 I was working a pretty nice job. Friendly church ladies taking care of little ones all day and getting paid to chit chat during nap time. I liked my job, but I knew it couldn't last forever. I was pregnant and being in a job that didn't pay that well meant that continuing to work would cost us, not only the expense of childcare, which would almost cancel out my paycheck, but also the loss of precious time with our first child. It just didn't make sense to keep working. Especially taking care of other people's children while I dropped mine off with a stranger. So I resigned and, with the exception of working a few holiday hours in 2010, have never gone back.

People have often said to me, "I wish I could afford to stay home." Which I could let go to my head and feel really good about myself. But the truth is most people could afford to be a one income family, they just don't want to live that way. We manage to get along debt free, and we really don't make that much in terms of salary. So if you think you would like to stay home and care for your home and family full time, here's a picture of what that looks like:

• We don't eat out. I won't say "ever" but when we do, it's usually pizza because we're exhausted or fast food because we're too far from home. 
• We shop sales. Our kids are growing, seasons are changing and we all need clothes. Sometimes we have to wait until next paycheck to buy a new package of socks or I will stalk my email until I find a great deal. 
• We don't vacation. We can usually pull off a camping trip or staying with family for a few days to get away, but.. yeah. The last time we paid for a hotel room for just us was our wedding night. Seriously. 
• We drive older vehicles. And guess what? they run just fine.
• We have old, miss-matched furniture. I don't like it, but currently new furniture is not on the list of priorities. 
• We don't see movies in the theater. Are you kidding me? By the time you pay the sitter and buy tickets, you're left with regret and a popcorn-free belly. Not worth it. 
• We strategically plan Christmas spending. We save for it and we hit the Black Friday sales. It's an adventure, and not always pleasant, but we make a priority of giving. 
• We budget clothing and medical expenses. This has been a game-changer. Instead getting hit with a practical expense, we are learning to expect it. Now we don't have to feel guilty or selfish if one of us needs new shoes or more jeans. It's okay. We have a place for that. I don't have to stress that the extra ultrasound my doctor wants is going to take a bite out of our paycheck, either. It's in the budget.
• We live in a small house. We are bursting at the seams now expecting a new baby, but we're sticking it out here because it's what we can afford. We want to save for a house, not spend more on a rental.
• Some days I feel discouraged. If I get caught up in comparisons and discontentment, I spiral into self-pity about how everyone's life looks more perfect than mine. The truth is we are all making choices that determine where our sacrifices will fall. 

Many choose a path of buy now, pay later. Some sacrifice the time with their little ones to afford the extras. That's their choice, and it's okay, but it's not the life I want. I want to feel like I can afford what I have and be happy with it. I want to influence my children in big way before this world tries to tell them they are not enough. This is what that looks like. Do I love it? not always. Sacrifice is painful! But when we get to throw money in savings instead of paying creditors, yeah, I love it.

Lindarella

Have a Healthier Facebook Life

A couple of months ago I decided to take a break from Facebook. Most people do this from time to time to either refocus their lives a bit or get a breather from all the drama. I think my choice was a little of both.

So as I was living my life disconnected, I noticed a few things: 

1. I felt a little happier with my life, overall. 

2. I missed the time-filler aspect, but I didn't really miss it. 

3. I found myself making more personal connections. 

My biggest struggle in life has always been comparison. From the time I made my first friend as a kid, I think I've always thought a lot about how I measure up. Facebook can be a pitfall in that way. We see everyone's relationships, vacations and fun stuff they do with friends and family and suddenly we realize we're spectators. There are those who are out there playing the game of life, and we're the ones reading about it. Not a great feeling. Especially when you think about the fact that most of our day-to-day contact with the outside world is with people that we haven't ever shared a meal with or even seen in years. Not healthy. 

We cannot swap Facebook for fellowship. I know it's hard to put yourself out there, and "liking" a post can be easier than even saying "hello" to someone.  But we have to do it. We were created for relationships. So here are a couple ideas I have to make Facebook a little better for all of us. 

1. Hide- Hide people who complain a lot and people who brag a lot. Keep a list of who you've hidden and maybe go by their page every so often just to say "hi." 

2. Make it more personal- I'm tired of all the shares and the memes. I want to know how your day was! If I'm more likely to take interest in a real status update, chances are most other people feel the same. 

3. Be a Friend- Send messages, write on boards, comment. "Likes" are passive and non-committal. If this is a filler for personal interaction, then INTERACT! 

4. Get around real people- Create an event and invite people you haven't seen in a while. And when you are out with friends and family, don't feel the need to upload 15 pictures of it. You're making others feel left out, and that's not nice. 

5. Take invites seriously- (This is the thing I'm worst at.) Don't assume that someone just invited every person on their friends list. I would never do that. I think about who I want around my kids or in certain settings. If you've been invited to something, be as courteous as you would be with a mailed invitation. 

6. Play nice- Keep your own comments and posts friendly and respectful. I don't play by the "no politics, no religion" rules. There are things I believe in and sometimes I do want to make a statement about that, but it should all be done with courtesy. Don't jump into comment battles, don't call people out and don't put people down (not even the President.) Negativity could just get you hidden. 

I'm working on these, and I hope you'll try it too. Let's take Facebook back and make it fun again! 

Lindsay 

Making a Fool-Proof Grocery List

We've all done it. You write out a list of stray items you need around the house, you go shopping and less than 48 hours later, you're doing it all over again. Why? because we're busy. And when we get busy, we often get disorganized or forgetful.
I am both most of the time.

So I've formulated a way of doing my list that solves the problem, mostly. Does it mean we never make a mid-week trip for and extra gallon of milk? no. But When we moved to a small town a few months ago and realized that driving to the nearest city was the only way to keep our cost down on food, I had to figure out a way to condense our trips. Here's what I do:

1. Throughout the week, if I see something running low (like laundry soap or paper towels) I write it on a magnetic notepad on my fridge. That way it doesn't become an oversight since it's not exactly part of the menu.

I make a list of sales I'm interested in so that I don't
have to fumble around with ads. 

2. Check the ads. Work off of what's on sale, but be aware of cost. For instance- I can get chicken breast for $1.99lb most of the time, but if I'm doing enchiladas or stew, I don't need breast meat. I can always find boneless skinless chicken thighs for about $1.79lb. With a little trimming, It works just as well, if not easier. Don't buy something just because it's on sale.

3. Make a menu.
This is complicated if your lost for ideas, but it doesn't have to be. Give yourself a break and don't over-think it. We might do enchiladas one night and tostadas the next. I make on pot of beans, serve them on the side with enchiladas and then re-fry them for the next night's dinner. Using items like this in different ways gives your family variety AND helps you keep your cost down.

Hint- Use a pencil! I change my mind all the time, and I also
check with my Husband to see if he had anything in mind for
the next couple of weeks. Leave room for flexibility. 

Start with a basic notebook. Write "Breakfast...Lunch...Dinner" across the top and then, skipping lines, write your days on the side. I usually do two weeks at a time since we take our shopping trips after each payday. I also keep a calender handy so I can plan around upcoming events or holidays, for instance, if I know we'll be out of town for the weekend, I can plan what to pack for our trip and skip over meals we may have with family or at a restaurant. If I know it's going to be rainy on Thursday, I may want to plan for soup. Be practical, not obsessive.

4. Make a master list. This is simple- go through your menu and write down everything you will need to accomplish each meal. I usually categorize my list in sections of the store:
Dairy, Meat, Dry Goods, Produce and Household. Even if you think you're done with a section, leave at least 3 spaces just in case. This is when I grab my "stray items" list from the fridge and add it in, most of it falls in the Household section.

5. Take inventory. Some of you can probably eliminate this step while you make your master. If you know you have it, don't write it down. For those of us who forget things.. a lot.. take inventory.

6. The last thing I do is grab my sales list and then mark items on the master that are on sale. If it's on sale at Sam's I'll write "SA" next to it, if it's at Smith's I'll write "SM." Then I make a key for reference to help me remember and it helps if I pass my list to my husband so he knows what's going on.

It seems like a lot of steps for "just a list" BUT I think it's been worth it for me to be more thorough. Our monthly budget is at $360 a month, which is pretty modest for a family of four. We don't always stay on target, but fulfilling my menu, not buying impulse items and seeing the kitchen empty out every two weeks tells me we're not being wasteful, and that feels awesome.

Happy Shopping-
Lindarella

Why Do We All Want Genius Children, Anyway?

I am not convinced teaching is my gift. At least not the sit down and explain things kind of teaching. Relationships- I'm pretty good at that. I mean, I read most people like a child's board book, so I would hope that in my daily interactions and teaching moments with my boys, they're getting that. But I feel like a total failure when it comes to crafts, writing and even numbers. But I'm starting to wonder if all of the pressure to be better at these things is in my head?

I spoke with a Kindergarten teacher who said she really didn't think preschool made a difference as far a child's ability to keep up when they start school. And that's just it- we all want to push our kids and we already feel behind (aren't 4-year-old kids in China taking Algebra 1 or something?) Is it anything more than a game of comparisons with other families?

For me it's been more like a big attempt to make up for lost time. If I would have pushed myself, I could have been an A student. But I didn't. I would have loved an AP English or choir solos, but I was too timid. Some of those things, you just can't knock out of a person. How many times did my parents tell me to be brave and outgoing? It's not like they didn't. I was just shy.

My son is just shy. When he starts responding to me in a weird voice or hiding behind something, he's just being shy. I get it, too. We're all a little bit afraid to let people see what's going on inside our minds. Perhaps my best effort in teaching him new things is to just keep talking to him. Let him know he's safe. He can mess up. He can give me a wrong answer, and I will give him as many second chances as it takes. Why? because that's what God does for me. He lets me know I'm safe and He give out grace like nobody's business.

I want to teach them to go after what they want and to dream big and to love people with an unfailing type of love. That gets taught by example, and I think I can do that with the help of a very gracious God. If my kids are B students and don't raise their hand because they're shy, they will be okay. I am. Especially now that I see my child's education is not my big comeback.

Still learning here-
Lindarella

Simplicity

It's been a while since I last logged on. We have been living in our new place for three weeks now, so we're finally feeling settled a bit. We have yet to sign up for internet service of our own, so that's mostly why I haven't been writing here. But before you think I've just logged off completely and am living some sort of primitive life, know that I spend LOTS of time on my iPhone. Too much maybe.
See the thing is, living in a small town makes my whole life seem a bit small. I find myself digging into just about anything I can to feel added purpose in my days; and I hate that. It seems it's hard for me to accept that a life that's not busy can still be very full.
I think about my children. The one thing that reminds me of God's mercy on my worst days is how He trusted me with these amazing lives. I get to show them through my life how centering everything around God and His word can bring peace to any sort of day. I get to influence the way they think about their lives. I get to be the voice in their head reminding them of how to act and react to situations in their lives, and hopefully I can build a relationship with them that will bless their lives and mine as they grow.
I don't believe standing on a stage somewhere with the full attention of thousands could be nearly as vital as my role as a mother. And while all I really want to do is reach the lost, I have to remember that my sons are part of that group. They are young, but they are not innocent. They need salvation as much as anyone right now, and that is my assignment. Quite honestly, giving food to the needy in a foreign country seems less intimidating than the task I have at hand, but I refuse to run.
I refuse to run to the church every waking hour of our week, hoping someone else might be able to do the job. I refuse to drag my kids around to a bunch of stuff they hate just to stay busy. I refuse to tune them out because making my name known means more, it doesn't. Social media doesn't really matter. I mean, not more than my children's eternity.
A quiet life still holds its weight in heaven, as long as I am obediently taking every opportunity God gives me to pour out His love in my tiny little world.
Let's not forget- He pursues us. He doesn't do it just to put us to work. He wants to know us and for us to know Him! Relish the relationship. Dive into His word. Enjoy the beauty of the day, and appreciate its maker. Sing to Him, rejoice in His mercy!
Drop the guilt of feeling like you're not Billy Graham. You were, after all, bought at the same price that he was. Your days are just as important to God.
From my little world to yours-
Lindsay

Capture-vated

I've wanted a new camera for a long while. My fellow bloggers know what I mean when I say you have to have great pics to grow your blog. Lucky me, my hubby got took advantage of the Sam's bundle (camera, tablet and photoshop lite) As my Valentine's Day present!
I just want to note that that is the most he has spent on me in LOOOOONG time. So I was pretty surprised. And excited. And that's why I've been MIA lately. I've been busy playing with my new toy.
That thing is smarter than I am. It's taking a lot of practice to figure out all the settings and when and where to use them, but I thought I'd drop in just to share a few of my photos. I've played around with editing too, so that's been fun.

Outside pictures on a windy winter afternoon are a little weird. The sun's not too bright and everything looks sort of blah. I still think I have great subjects to work with ;) 

salted caramel panna cotta from The Range Cafe

I didn't do much to this one, just a crop and an increase in black. I like the way it makes the colors pop a bit more. I'm a sucker for contrast.

I love a good black and white, especially for something not too serious. Ever notice most people only do serious photos in black and white? Well I wanted the attention on my silly boy who doesn't take off his bike helmet to play. And there's still plenty to keep your eyes moving here with all the different shapes and shades of grey.


{Not a professional* Don't take my comments as anything but opinion. I will inevitably steer you wrong.}

So that's basically all I've got for now!

and.. umm.. blogger doesn't seem to like my multiple photos in different places and sizes, so if this looks weird, just know I tried!

Do something fun today-
Lindsay

Remain

God's word has this really magical way of tying up every loose end of my little life into the truth that is and will always be His love for me. I saw that shine through today stronger than I have in a long time.

So sit back, I've got a story to tell:

Sometime about five years ago, I had a very vivid dream and I believe to this day that even though I didn't fully understand it then, God's voice was the narrator.
In the dream I was in a large van on my way to a picnic at the bottom of a mountain. I was heading there with some people I considered to be spiritual role-models at the time. I knew that my husband didn't really care to go, but I had the feeling that this was something I didn't want to miss, and so I went. I'm not sure if we actually hiked that mountain, but I think we did.
On our way back, we saw my husband on the side of the road. He was struggling to climb a significantly smaller hill than the mountain I had just been to. So I got out and tried to help him, but he fell. Now, under natural circumstances, this wouldn't have been a big deal because of the size of the hill, but in the dream he started to die! I, feeling helpless, looked at him hoping for some sort of instruction about what he needed me to do, but sadly I watched him wither away.

I have always felt that God was telling me not to go chasing after the hype of Christianity; But know that my battles were going to be fought alongside my spouse, even if they seemed insignificant at the time.

It's easy when you're young and passionate about serving, to feel like the "God thing" could be your claim to fame. Let it be known, He is the one we make famous through our gifts and our serving.

The truth is that I've got a lot of little hills in my life that I need to conquer. And fortunately, God gave me a very strong man to stand beside me, help me up and give me some cold, hard facts when needed. That's the guy I need by my side on those little hills, when I feel like it's not even worth the bother. When I think that somehow I can go around it instead of over it and just worry about the mountains.

So hear me in this- I'm an ENFP. Spirituality is more real to me than my next meal. I don't even have to think about some things that might seem a little bizarre, because it just feels natural to BE spiritual. In fact sometimes I have to really guard myself from false teachings because I'm quick to trust without question. I'd say that my hubby is pretty opposite of me in this way. He knows God, believes God, his hope is in God. He wants to hear God's voice and he wants to make God centered choices. But MAN he has a hard time showing it. I want to jump into ministry head first and he is like "don't spend too much time at church." And so, sometimes I go on the defensive, feeling like our priorities are not in line. I'm pretty sure I said something like "I want to smack you in the head with a Bible right now.." just a few days ago. Yeah.. I did. That was effective. Not.

But today, as I dove into the last week of bible study reading for the class I'm currently taking, God smacked me over the head with His word.

John 15 Talks about God's way of shaping our hearts to be more like His. Cutting off all that does not bear fruit and pruning all the things that do, so they can be MORE effective.

That's hard to hear. Even the good stuff is going to take a painful process before it can really start producing.

But over and over again as I read, I just kept hearing those 3 little words:

Remain in Me

I have to stop trying to make everyone around me fit into my mold of "being spiritual." I don't want to stop. I want to keep pushing it because I'm happy here. But that's not what God is speaking. He is saying love each other. If anything ever had the power to get through to people, it's love. And I do not say that as a means of manipulating people, (because it can do that too, but it will backfire because it's not genuine.) But remain in Him. Remain in Him. Remain in Him. Remain in Him.  

Lindsay

Our Snowy February Day

This is a story about a mama who did something for perhaps the very first time. 

She planned ahead. 

our library loot!

The two times a year that it snows in New Mexico, everybody talks about it. We cancel everything and hole up in our houses because we do not know how to drive in the snow. So, when I heard that a "storm" was on its way this week, I figured I should run (drive) to the library and stock up on some books to keep us happy at home.

I'll use any excuse to read children's books, actually. They're pretty much my favorite.

Clearly we didn't stray from the R-S shelves. I had a 2-year-old running around during after-school hours. We had to keep it short. 

Except I forgot my library card. Ahem- I don't know where it is. Luckily, Ira saved the day! His was tucked away in his car seat, where he left it the day we got it. Take that! librarian. 

So this afternoon, after a long winter's nap, we had a book fest. 

Ira wanted a picture with his favorite. 

I just want to say that I was against the whole idea of this book. It's a parody of Curious George by H.A. Rey and that is treading sacred ground in my mind. But he insisted on taking it, so I caved. Opinions aside, I will not deny my son the joy of finding a book he wants to read. 

You win some, you lose some. 

I'm still winning because he loves books!

Even Rey joined in the fun! He's the fuzziest cuddliest lion I know and sometimes he gives rides through the living room. This is the stuff I LOVE about being a mama. Building up a world of silliness and imagination. I do in hopes that, when the world tries to crush their spirit, they will remember that ordinary life can be magical.

Happy winter! 

Lindsay

Rey is our friend. He hangs out in the boys room and eats monsters. Nothing gets past him.

13 FREE Wifey Gestures

It's February! Not only the month in which we celebrate Valentines Day, but also the month of my favorite man's birthday. So it should come as no surprise that I always want to do a little extra to make him feel loved this time of year. But, for those of us who share all our finances, it can be really tricky to surprise your spouse. So here's some little ideas. There's 13, so you could do one a day until Valentine's Day, if you so choose.

1. Write a steamy note. Literally. When the mirror fogs from the shower, write a little something with your finger. It's a nice little surprise when he gets out of the shower the next day.
2. Make him his favorite dinner. Just because. We all know the way to a man's heart, but only you know what meal gets to his!
3. Put the phone/ computer/ tablet down and just listen! Be present in the conversation.
4. Encourage. Remind him that you appreciate the things he does. Tell him how able you know he is.
5. Stop. Nagging. We all do it, but let's let them off the hook a bit, okay?
6.  Send a sweet note with his lunch. He may not find it for a week, but he'll still love it.
7. Give him a break. Think about planning your Valentine's Date this year.
8. Plan on breakfast. Get up and start off the day with some good family time, pancakes and coffee.
9. Do something he likes. Instead of shopping, think fishing/ hiking/ football. Whatever he likes. No complaints.
10. Tell him a secret. Let your wall down a little, it's part of intimately sharing everything.

11. Give a mini shoulder massage. 

12. Give him some quiet. Take the kiddos out for a bit, he could probably use it just as much as you. 

13. Pray for him. Don't pray that he changes, pray that he listens for God. Then sit back and trust them both. You may be surprised how good life is when you stop worrying. 

Happy February! 

Lindsay

New Year, New Focus

I'm not one for resolutions. If you want to change something in your life, there's no need to wait for a certain day or date to do it. I do, however, believe in seasons. And boy am I ready for a new season. Life is pretty good right now, not much to complain about. It's just.. that stirring feeling. Change.
It's sounds so good, doesn't it?
So since I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I have very little ability to change my circumstances, I'm going to change my focus in 2014. Instead of making it through each day, wondering when the glorious day will be that we have our own space again? Or when the boys will be more self sufficient so I can spend time on things like writing or baking? I'm going to focus this year around organization.
I work best under pressure. I have been kind of wingin' the whole mom thing. I'd like to change that. I'd like to feel more confident that I can have productive days and not have to skip out on the things I need for my own sanity's sake.
First things first. As a homemaker, even in someone else's home, I want to change the dynamic a bit. More positive attitudes, more lightheartedness. So I sat down and thought up some House Rules.

Print House Rules

BTW this looks really great on Kraft paper. It would also work well on yellow.  

My kids can't read yet. These are totally for the grown-ups around here! My hubby is so on board with these, and truthfully, in the week or so I've had them up, I see a change in the way we speak to one another. 

We're setting an example of people who can admit when they're wrong and not worry so much about the little things, and that has made for a great start to our year. 

This is my first ever time sharing a printable, so if it's glitchy- I'm still learning. Please comment below if you have trouble with it. I would much rather fix it than have my work copied. Please give credit where it is due here :) HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

lindsay

I Wish I was a Professional Baby-Namer

That's right. If I could just make up a job and have people pay me for it, that's what I would do. Celebrities could come to me and I could help them set the trends for the year. I've already chosen the name for little Miss Kimye. Krimson. Krimson West. And when the name her Easton, I'm going to throw a fit and wonder why they did not come to me FIRST! So I thought it would be cool to do a post all about names that I think are awesome. Cause your name stays with you no matter what else changes, and I think that's powerful.

I'm throwing in some All American names and we'll do boys first:

1. Lyndon. Like Landon, but less common and presidential.
2. Harrison. As in Ford. How cool would it be to walk around knowing your named after Han Solo AND Indiana Jones? That's what's up.
3. Carson. I just think it's cool, and fyi it is currently ranked #85 in the US. Carson Stats So you see I'm slightly ahead of the trend.
4. Parker. It's preppy, it's crisp on the lips. I love it.
5. Noah. Had I been a boy, my name would be Noah. I've always liked it, it makes me think of The Notebook, and who wouldn't want their son to be that kind of man?
6. Arion. I obviously love Hebrew names. This one means "with melody." It would definitely work in our musical home.
7. Hosea. I didn't want to give away a personal choice of mine, but this biblical name, and the man he was, are both seriously overlooked.
8. Rhodes. I'm a fan of names after places. Charlotte, Sydney, Houston, Raleigh. I love them all.
9. Ryder. Only an extremely cool kid could pull of Ryder, but.. well.. I make those, so...
10. River. Ok, I know it's kinda earthy. I just love actual rivers and I think it's a great name. The runner-up was Forrest, which I also love, but all I can think of is "run Forrest, RUN!" For the rest of his life.

GIRL NAMES, cause we know you can get a little more creative with girls, so this should be fun.

1. Ember. I thought this would be a super unique name, but everyone else seems to think it would be confused with Amber all the time, and just get annoying. I still think it's pretty.
2. Carter.  I love names for girls that almost sound like boy names.
3. Hunter. Same theory as Carter. I think Hunter is good unless she really is a backwoods hunter. That just seems too predictable.
4. Winter. Season names are great. Except Spring. Spring is not a good name for anything but maybe a bunny.
5. Gemma. Meaning Jewel or precious stone. Who doesn't want their daughter though of as a Gem? and doesn't that make a really cute nickname?
6. Rae. One syllable, three letters. It just leaves so much room for her to be more than a long drawn out name. Simple is good.
7. Dahlia. Pretty, different but not foreign and, of course, the name of a flower.
8. Savannah. I mentioned that I'm a fan of location-related names. I'd also like to add that I used to take care of a little girl named Savannah and she was the sweetest little thing ever! Some names stick with you when you relate them with someone you enjoyed being around.
9. Sadie. I know it's been done, and done again, but I just love the name Sadie. It means Princess, so that's part of it. It's just so fun and spunky while still being very girly. Not getting over it. Ever. Deal.
10. Hannah. You cannot go wrong with a strong name like Hannah. The mother of Samuel, the woman strong enough to believe for a son. I love her. I would gladly give my daughter that legacy.

So those are my picks. If you're trying to name your baby, please consider these. Most of them are at the tail end of the top 100 list, meaning your kid would be slightly ahead of the trend. Happy naming! Love-
Lindsay  

Honestly Sincere

Coming into the summer, almost everyone has atleast one wedding to attend. For me it's my best friend! It's been so much fun talking to her through the last few months and seeing her transform from a confused single young lady, to a trying-to-figure-it-out Bride-to-be. It reminds me of when Allen and I were just starting out. All the ridiculous fights and conversations, all the anticipation for whatever the future would hold. And it has reminded me of how much I truly love my husband! The things nobody sees in him that I do, the silliness, the little habits that sometimes drive me nuts. He is honestly the piece of me that was missing for 17 years.

If you're married, you may also know that there are those days you just want to rip your spouses head off! We think, "why don't you do what I say!" and all we want is to be in total control. When that plans fails and the frustration sets in, all we see are the things we dislike. We feel powerless to change it, so we start doubting if this was really what we wanted. It was. It still is. Because it may be worth someone pushing your buttons for me to grow as a person.

Paul's letters to the churches have been hitting me full force for the last week or so. Everytime I feel like I'm struggling with my attitude or don't know how to correct my thoughts in certain areas, I open up to Romans or Ephesians or II Corinthians and BAM! shooting straight to my heart, I get a fresh perspective. So I consulted him on: how to feel love for someone who just isn't getting what you want from them at the moment.

 Sometimes you wait patiently for the still, small voice. Other times you get an obnoxious wake-up call while you're still warm and cozy in your folly.

Romans 12:9-13
 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, love what is good. 

I'm not saying my husband is evil. But this makes the point that you cannot love  someone while focusing on their flaws. Love the things you love about that person, because perception is reality.
Recently our pastor did a series on relationships and he made this point: It is not fair to judge others by their actions and yourself by your intentions. What would happen if we turned that around? If we thought about the effect our actions have on others? If we gave everyone the benefit of the doubt that they weren't really trying to be offensive? I feel like we would all live our lives a little less wounded and a lot more loving.

This is a challenge to myself to look at the positives and to appreciated the beautifully flawed in every person. Even in myself. Because to long for perfection in humanity is to be left empty-handed.
-Lindsay

Mama Time: Guilt and Overcompensation

I really don't know if I'm the only one, but with both of my boys I didn't feel a strong infatuation with every little thing they did until after the first year. Call it exhaustion, maybe. Or perhaps breastfeeding just requires so much time that when I'm done, I want to spend time on other things for a while. Maybe I just click better with toddlers than babies. Probably a mix of all of the above. Recently I have come to a new level of complete adoration for my youngest. The curiosity and adventure, the new words and the adorable way he walks around with his diaper shuffling along. I'm obsessed! But I realized something about it today.

When the little one was on the way, I began to feel extremely guilty that I knew little Ira just wouldn't be getting as much of me as before. I made up in my mind that I was going to do my best not to forget him, not to treat him as less than important than the new baby. I would find a way to make time for him. After all, I want to have more kids and I wanted him, as the big brother, to love them all. Not resent them.

In the process, I think maybe I've expected too much from Asher. Wanting him to be independent because Ira needs me. Or hoping that he would learn certain things faster than Ira did because now he had an example to keep up with. I realize that's not fair to him. He deserves the same time and opportunity to become his own person on his own schedule. So instead of overcompensating with Ira by trying to treat Asher as his equal, I've decided to love and embrace them each at their own level. And the past few days, since making this discovery, I've noticed they both seem happier. Yes, Ira is dealing with some jealousy issues. That's pretty normal. But I sincerely hope that I can find a balance and continue to give him time and attention that he needs, and also the chance to grow in his independence.

Mamas never stop learning and adjusting. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you're thinking about your choices everyday and working toward improvement, then you're doing great. We are showing the example of accepting failures and continuing to work on things. That's a good foundation for anyone, if you ask me.

Lindarella