The Ever-Illusive Clean House

There are just some things I have to avoid on Pinterest. If you're addicted like the rest of us, you know what I mean. There are those places in our lives that we want to obtain so painfully that, when given an unlimited amount of pictures of the perfection we crave, it can get obsessive, and fast.
One of those, for me, is the home decor stuff. I love a pretty house. I could scroll for hours looking at furniture, paint schemes and textiles. But that's not my life.
My life is, in no particular order:
Socks on the floor
Sheets that need washed. Again.
Rugs that need vacuuming. Again.
Chile splatters on the stove
Legos I maneuver around, to my dismay, unsuccessfully
Water on the floor
Dishes in the sink
"is this clean or dirty?"
"I don't know, I haven't seen it today."
and the list goes on.

If you have children (or a husband) you know what I'm talking about.
The first few months of life with a baby were rough on me. I was, like all new moms, trying to figure out how to a) keep the baby alive, and b) somehow continue to function as an adult. I had imagined that since I was no longer working I would be able to stay on top of things and that parents with messy houses were just playing the victim.
What a wild imagination I once had!

So after trying to stay on top of things and then failing to do so and then being upset at myself for failing, I kinda broke down. I told my husband, "when the house is messy, I just feel so stressed and anxious and I don't even know where to start!" (Fact: my reaction to feeling overwhelmed is to shut down.)

And then I had one of those moments when I knew God gave me this great man for a reason. Lots of them, actually.

He said, "your peace should not come from a clean house." 

I immediately knew he was right. My peace should come from God and knowing that I've done all I could for His glory each day. Now, I still fail at that too. His mercy is so deep.

Realizing that there will be decades of my life that don't revolve around diapers and toys, and that I can enjoy a really clean house then has revolutionized my days. It doesn't mean that I'm okay letting things pile up around me, but at the end of a chaotic day, I can feel like I've done enough. And that is good enough for me.

Happy Chaos,
Lindarella

Nursery Prep: Part One

I think the concept of nurseries is a little bit silly. After all, the baby doesn't really notice the little details we add to their room. They are in there when they are asleep or getting their diaper changed. Plus they are so much more fascinated by studying our features and learning about life than they really are checking out the paint job in the nursery. None-the-less, we do it. We set up their little spaces as a way to welcome them into the world and feel, as parents, that we've given them something purely out of love.

Now that I'm officially into my third trimester, I've been mulling over what to do with this room that will soon have a new life in it. But with hormones and holidays about to hit the fan, I've got some dilemmas:
1. We're renting. I don't want to add anything to the room that is later going to take a lot of effort to remove.
2. I don't want to over-do it. Like I said, I want to give her a space that welcoming and calming, not excessive and chaotic.
3. I'm running short on time and funds. We've got to do Christmas, we just bought a new (to us) vehicle and are slowly building a pile of baby things. Nursery decor, while fun and exciting, is not a major priority. Whatever I come up with has to be simple and inexpensive.
4. Shades or canopy? The windows have blinds, but they still let in quite a bit of light. I'd like to have a the option to darken the room a bit so she can nap peacefully during the day. But, again, things have to be removable. I really am not looking to drill holes and install curtain rods. My thought is to use a command hook to suspend a canopy above the crib. If I can find one I trust, that is.
5. Contrast. The room is white. The crib is white. The dresser will probably also be white. I need to find way to infuse color into the room without it getting busy.

I love bright colors. I really do. As I mature, I've seen my taste mature a bit. I used to love the look of yellow and hot pink together. Now I might be more into a cranberry and mustard. But really, it's just an age-appropriate version of the same colors.
I don't want to force my taste on my daughter. As silly as it sounds, I want her to discover colors and combinations that she loves all on her own. This, along with wanting the room to be soothing, has directed me toward muted colors schemes and patterns. I'll say that I'm pretty fond of this fabric ---->
Allen said it might be a bit hipster. I don't totally disagree, but I still haven't found anything I like better. (I've spent the day pinning fabric, which you can see here.)

I'm wanting to keep it very simple and do a crib skirt and rail cover with this and then buy solid colored or neutral patterned sheets. This leaves a lot of options with the rest of the room. I'll probably go ahead and make a changing pad cover as well.
I'm tossing around the idea of a mobile. That may be too much with a canopy, but we'll see how I'm feeling once I get going.

I guess all of this is to say, "I haven't done anything but buy a crib. I'm open to suggestions."
If you've been there, you know that no mind is busier than that of a pregnant mama, so thanks for sticking with me through my mental process.

Lindarella

What sort of decor did you do for your babies? Do you know any amazing renter's secrets?

Five Things You Outgrow With Your Third Child

Let's face it, we live a world designed for a family of four. As we near the birth of our third child, I've been noticing things that will no longer work for our family and here are a few of them.

1. Dish Set- Those awesome 16 piece sets are great, but not for five people. Luckily all three of our kiddos can eat of their plastic dinnerware for a few more years. No need to replace quite yet.

2. The Table- Speaking of mealtime, our adorable little table is not going to live a purposeful life in our house for much longer. It will be a couple years before the baby will outgrow the highchair, but once she does- see ya!

3. Toothbrush Holder- Yep. That cute one we picked out for a wedding registry is now obsolete. I guess it gets my husband off the hook about putting his away.

4. Car- We recently had to upgrade to a vehicle with a third row. It's a nice upgrade though, since we get to put the noisy boys ALL THE WAY in the back,

5. Your hands- It may seem obvious, but I've been thinking a lot lately about how I'm actually going to corral three children with two hands. It should be interesting.

I'm so excited about this baby. I've always wanted three kiddos, so I'm hoping for that "complete" feeling for our family.
What's your ideal family size?

Lindarella

Pregnancy Faves! First Trimester

This being my third pregnancy to make it past the first trimester, I've learned a few things. Like what to avoid.
Some of my triggers are heavy scents, hunger and feeling overheated.
These are things I've enjoyed this time around, so I thought I would share.

Pictures were taken from online sources. Picture 3. is from
the website: livelaugheat.com. The others can be found
on the websites of the retailers. 

 1. Indigo Blue Skinny Jeans from Motherhood Maternity. I love that the band at the top is not too thick, making it more breathable. Also, they fall comfortably under my belly, so I can breathe easy.

2. Lush Eau Roma Water. It's a simple toner water I spritz on as often as I need a little refreshing. The scent is very natural and calming. I sometimes even spray it on for fragrance, since I can't handle perfumes.

3. Ginger Cat Cookies from Trader Joe's. Keeping these on hand really helped with morning sickness throughout the first trimester and beyond. I kept them in my room for the first 16 weeks or so.

4. Suave Professionals Rosemary and Mint. I know it's the cheap stuff, but this scent is so good! If you don't have hair with special needs, this is a great basic shampoo that cleanses well. The conditioner does what it should. Why spend more than you have to, right?

5. Folgers Lively Columbian Decaf. We're coffee snobs around here (full disclosure). But honestly, this is a great decaf! I'm able to enjoy more than one cup a day and drinking decaf helps me keep my blood pressure and heart burn under control.

I shop on a realistic budget. All of these things are reasonably priced, so I hope if you're expecting, you can enjoy them too!

Let's Talk About Sex. Or Not.

Reading the Bible as a teenager, I began to feel like it was a big list of don'ts; and for me, being raised in church I was pretty happy to comply with them. But something starts to happen when everyone sees God's word that way. We all start to feel a little bit afraid of everything. We ask questions like "is it a sin to _______?" (smoke weed, eat meat, drink alcohol, etc.) When really the questions we should be asking are "God, is my heart tuned into yours?" "Am I doing this for the right reasons?" "who's approval am I seeking?"

The big problem with Christians feeling fearful is that we react in one of two ways:
1) We treat everything like a sin and rob ourselves and others of our God-given freedom, or
2) We start treating our Christian walks like a game, always trying to find a loop-hole to get a step ahead.

Do you want to know where I think this trips us up the most?
Sexuality.

From Genesis- Revelation the word talks about sex, and mostly what we should abstain from.
That tends to send us spiraling into fear because there are so many things that aren't specifically addressed. We're afraid of it. Our teachers are afraid of it. We don't feel like we have answers, so we handle it in one of the two ways described above.

That leads us to rooms and conversations I can say I wish had never happened. As a teenager, serving at a Christian summer camp, I, along with about six other girls were sat down and told that the way we were dressing was causing the boys to have to masturbate. My initial thoughts were something like, "isn't that their problem?" But it never seems to be. I've sat through numerous teachings, big and small, that carefully explained why men are so sexually vulnerable. They're apparently visual (aren't we all?) And while some science kinda backs that, I don't see where the Bible does. Men and women are both sexually vulnerable. It's just for different reasons.

• men view sex as something they can conquer,
• women view sex as a form of love, attention or affection. 

 But according to the general christian population, the solution is for women to wear more clothing and for all of us to get married ASAP.

Okay, now if you all will bare (ha ha.. get it) with me for moment, let it be known: I care deeply about my brothers in Christ. So much so that when I get dressed in the morning, I ask myself if what I'm wearing is going to be a distraction to the men around me. If it's even borderline, I am willing to change. But who decided that
1) Men are not strong enough to fight temptation, and therefore must be handled with kids gloves,
2) Women should be held accountable for a man's sin and
3) women's struggles are less important and don't need to be addressed.
 Does a woman's provocative clothing express a deep desire for attention? Yes. But we're not dealing with heart issues here, are we? We're merely spraying perfume on caskets.

 Correction could be such a powerful tool in the body if it were not being used to soothe the fears of our leaders. The sad truth is that I'm not sure many of us even know what victory over sexual temptation looks like anymore. It's no wonder we're all afraid of it. But fear does not overcome. Faith overcomes. What if we were to radically change the way we see the Bible? What if every time we read a command or a strong suggestion against certain sexual acts, we didn't tremble with fear? What if every time we read about something God wants us to stay away from, we see that God is saying, "it is possible." ?  Read Romans 1:18-24. In verse 24 it says that God gave them over to their sinful desires and sexual impurity. But this is after refusal to glorify the God that they knew and instead choosing to think like the world and worship idols! It would take a lot for most of us to get to the point where God does not supply the strength we need through our temptations.

Let's look more specifically at what verse 20 says-

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

We are without excuse. We may not want to believe that, but that's the truth. We know God's power and His goodness. We can see evidence of it everywhere. We say that we know Him. So why are we putting Him in a box? Does His ability to deliver stop at sexual temptation? Does our free will not apply here? Are we just waiting for temptation to grab hold and drag us through the mud with neither ourselves nor God able to stop it? NO!

I'm not coming to you as a bitter woman proclaiming that life has been unfair to me. I am coming to you as a mother. I would be doing my sons a huge injustice to continue these lies that they have to be victims of physical urges for the rest of their lives. That the only solution is marriage, and at that, their wives are only there to help them sexually. I would be failing my daughter if I didn't tell her that the choices she makes with with her body need to be made between her and God, not out of guilt or fear. It would be a mistake to assume that my sons will be the only ones faced with sexual temptations or that my daughter will crave attention more than my sons will.

Is there anyone willing to stand with me on this? I want my children to know the truth. I want that for your family, too.

Lindarella

What Does it Cost to Stay Home?

In 2009 I was working a pretty nice job. Friendly church ladies taking care of little ones all day and getting paid to chit chat during nap time. I liked my job, but I knew it couldn't last forever. I was pregnant and being in a job that didn't pay that well meant that continuing to work would cost us, not only the expense of childcare, which would almost cancel out my paycheck, but also the loss of precious time with our first child. It just didn't make sense to keep working. Especially taking care of other people's children while I dropped mine off with a stranger. So I resigned and, with the exception of working a few holiday hours in 2010, have never gone back.

People have often said to me, "I wish I could afford to stay home." Which I could let go to my head and feel really good about myself. But the truth is most people could afford to be a one income family, they just don't want to live that way. We manage to get along debt free, and we really don't make that much in terms of salary. So if you think you would like to stay home and care for your home and family full time, here's a picture of what that looks like:

• We don't eat out. I won't say "ever" but when we do, it's usually pizza because we're exhausted or fast food because we're too far from home. 
• We shop sales. Our kids are growing, seasons are changing and we all need clothes. Sometimes we have to wait until next paycheck to buy a new package of socks or I will stalk my email until I find a great deal. 
• We don't vacation. We can usually pull off a camping trip or staying with family for a few days to get away, but.. yeah. The last time we paid for a hotel room for just us was our wedding night. Seriously. 
• We drive older vehicles. And guess what? they run just fine.
• We have old, miss-matched furniture. I don't like it, but currently new furniture is not on the list of priorities. 
• We don't see movies in the theater. Are you kidding me? By the time you pay the sitter and buy tickets, you're left with regret and a popcorn-free belly. Not worth it. 
• We strategically plan Christmas spending. We save for it and we hit the Black Friday sales. It's an adventure, and not always pleasant, but we make a priority of giving. 
• We budget clothing and medical expenses. This has been a game-changer. Instead getting hit with a practical expense, we are learning to expect it. Now we don't have to feel guilty or selfish if one of us needs new shoes or more jeans. It's okay. We have a place for that. I don't have to stress that the extra ultrasound my doctor wants is going to take a bite out of our paycheck, either. It's in the budget.
• We live in a small house. We are bursting at the seams now expecting a new baby, but we're sticking it out here because it's what we can afford. We want to save for a house, not spend more on a rental.
• Some days I feel discouraged. If I get caught up in comparisons and discontentment, I spiral into self-pity about how everyone's life looks more perfect than mine. The truth is we are all making choices that determine where our sacrifices will fall. 

Many choose a path of buy now, pay later. Some sacrifice the time with their little ones to afford the extras. That's their choice, and it's okay, but it's not the life I want. I want to feel like I can afford what I have and be happy with it. I want to influence my children in big way before this world tries to tell them they are not enough. This is what that looks like. Do I love it? not always. Sacrifice is painful! But when we get to throw money in savings instead of paying creditors, yeah, I love it.

Lindarella

Have a Healthier Facebook Life

A couple of months ago I decided to take a break from Facebook. Most people do this from time to time to either refocus their lives a bit or get a breather from all the drama. I think my choice was a little of both.

So as I was living my life disconnected, I noticed a few things: 

1. I felt a little happier with my life, overall. 

2. I missed the time-filler aspect, but I didn't really miss it. 

3. I found myself making more personal connections. 

My biggest struggle in life has always been comparison. From the time I made my first friend as a kid, I think I've always thought a lot about how I measure up. Facebook can be a pitfall in that way. We see everyone's relationships, vacations and fun stuff they do with friends and family and suddenly we realize we're spectators. There are those who are out there playing the game of life, and we're the ones reading about it. Not a great feeling. Especially when you think about the fact that most of our day-to-day contact with the outside world is with people that we haven't ever shared a meal with or even seen in years. Not healthy. 

We cannot swap Facebook for fellowship. I know it's hard to put yourself out there, and "liking" a post can be easier than even saying "hello" to someone.  But we have to do it. We were created for relationships. So here are a couple ideas I have to make Facebook a little better for all of us. 

1. Hide- Hide people who complain a lot and people who brag a lot. Keep a list of who you've hidden and maybe go by their page every so often just to say "hi." 

2. Make it more personal- I'm tired of all the shares and the memes. I want to know how your day was! If I'm more likely to take interest in a real status update, chances are most other people feel the same. 

3. Be a Friend- Send messages, write on boards, comment. "Likes" are passive and non-committal. If this is a filler for personal interaction, then INTERACT! 

4. Get around real people- Create an event and invite people you haven't seen in a while. And when you are out with friends and family, don't feel the need to upload 15 pictures of it. You're making others feel left out, and that's not nice. 

5. Take invites seriously- (This is the thing I'm worst at.) Don't assume that someone just invited every person on their friends list. I would never do that. I think about who I want around my kids or in certain settings. If you've been invited to something, be as courteous as you would be with a mailed invitation. 

6. Play nice- Keep your own comments and posts friendly and respectful. I don't play by the "no politics, no religion" rules. There are things I believe in and sometimes I do want to make a statement about that, but it should all be done with courtesy. Don't jump into comment battles, don't call people out and don't put people down (not even the President.) Negativity could just get you hidden. 

I'm working on these, and I hope you'll try it too. Let's take Facebook back and make it fun again! 

Lindsay