How To Have Healthy Friendships

Friendship is a tricky thing. As a young woman who has lived in three different cities since I was 17, I've built relationships and watched many of them crumble. The friendships that have stood the test of time are the ones built on a good, healthy foundation.

Jealousy is maybe the biggest indicator that the friendship is not healthy. Yes, there are the friends who are jealous of your time and want you all to themselves, but what I'm talking about are the friends who envy what you have.

With all the bashing on social media going on, sometimes people feel like they can't say anything good or anything bad, ever, because it might hurt someone's feelings. That's extreme and unfair.

Complaining and bragging are not the same thing as feeling and appreciating things. 

If you don't feel like you can honestly talk about what is going in your life, the friendship's foundation is not good. For example, after giving birth to my daughter 9 weeks ago, I began to lose weight really quickly. Between breastfeeding and chasing around two other children, I'm burning a lot of calories. I was really excited and shared this with one of my dearest friends. I knew that she was having a harder time losing her baby weight, but she celebrated with me. And I look for ways to support her in her goals, too.  It's give and take.

The wrong reaction would have been her turning it back to herself, like "Oh you're so lucky. I wish I could do that. I hope I can.. I want.. I.. I... I.." That would have made me feel guilty for that little success. You should never feel guilty for good things happening in your life. You should feel thankful and humble. 

It also would have been wrong of me to list all the things I was doing to lose the weight. That would have made her feel bad. I want my friends to know I accept them and love the regardless of their imperfections.

If you've got relationships that you don't feel work this way, should you cut them out of your life? Not necessarily. Friendships are built on patterns, and you have the power to change the pattern.

Here's how:
Be the first to empathize. Feel what the other person is feeling, good or bad.
.
It can't be that simple can it? Yes, actually it can. We can thank our mental wiring for that. We all want to feel related to, in fact there are neurons in our brains called Mirror Neurons that cause us to copy the actions of others. (Now you know why you pick up weird accents around certain people.)

If you give this an honest chance and it still seems like the other person is not reciprocating the effort, that tells you something. Probably that the other person does not really desire to relate to you. In that case, slowly cutting back the friendship is probably not going to hurt any feelings in the end.

The fact is, this is a skill we all need to work on, because this is the way Christ responds to us. He became flesh to be able to experience our humanity and to overcome it.

Take a look at this parable:

The Parable of the Lost Coin

8 “Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins[a] and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? 9 And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ 10 In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Luke 15:8-10

She confidently called her friends to rejoice with her, regardless of what they may have lost. For all we know, finances were a struggle for some of those friends. But they celebrated with her.

Let's be the friends that our friends can call. Let's be those that rejoice with others, even in the midst of our struggles. Let's be friends. 

Lindarella

Teaching Moments: Alphabet Hop-Scotch

My oldest is all about fun. All the time. This has posed some problems with trying to prepared him for Kindergarten. There have been tears, frustration, even yelling at one point. I thought that if I made teaching a priority, he would care to learn. And he does. He learns the names of all the Rescue Bots and Chima characters. He just doesn't want to sit and learn his letters! So we're done sitting. Yesterday I got a great idea for a little game we could play to help with letter recognition.

Alphabet Hop-Scotch 

Here's what you need:

Paper

markers or crayons

Masking Tape

Alphabet Flashcards (mine are from Dollar Tree!) 

Our roll of paper is from Ikea, but you could use sheets of paper, write the letters on them and place them close together. 

There are variations of this game, but since I'm really working on letter recognition, here's how to play: 

Shuffle the deck of alphabet cards, then have the first participant draw the top one. 

Tell the child the name of the letter, then let them find it on the "Letter Map." 

The object is to get to the letter without stepping on any others. 

For more of a challenge they can start from the other end of the Letter Map. Also, if they step on another letter, they have to say its name OR go back. You can gauge what will keep them most engaged in the activity.

  My 5 year old liked the challenge of starting from the opposite end from the letter, but my 3 year old just liked that he was getting them right. The point is to keep it fun. 

Variations: 

Name the letter. Encourage the child to remember the names of each letter. Really focus on recognizing its shape and talk about its sound. 

Play like real hop-scotch. Roll a lego onto the Letter Map, As they hop to it, ask them to name each letter the hop on. 

Build Words. Dollar Tree also has sight word flashcards. Use these (or make up your own list) And Have the child hop on the letters in that word. Think simple like "CAT" for instance. The first two letters are close together, but getting to that T would be a fun challenge. 

Can you think of other variations of this game? What sort of fun activities do you do to teach? 

(post in  comments)

Happy Teaching-

Lindarella

I Made It: Crib Skirt

I previously talked about my lack of inspiration for my daughter's nursery, but things are starting to come together. She's only 7 weeks old, after all. One of the biggest roadblocks for me in that room is the overwhelming amount of white.

We fell in love with this white crib from Ikea, and when my parents said they were making a trip, we could not pass it up. Not for $100. Naturally, we bought this matching white dresser from Walmart.com. (note: the color of the crib is slightly creamier, but they still coordinate surprisingly well for being bought separately.) I digress.

The point of this post is to show off my homemade crib skirt. I still consider myself a beginner as far as sewing goes, so it's not perfect. Still, I made it!

Here's the finished product! I wish I had made it a little shorter, but I'm the type the errs on the side of caution. I've been known to jump in too quick and totally ruin things, and, thankfully, I've learned to not do that.

I'm not doing a full on tutorial here, because there are plenty of those around pinterest. At the end of the day, sewing involves some creativity, so let your freak flag fly (and say that 5x fast!)

All that said, here's what I did.

1. Find a fabric you love. It doesn't have to be heavy, just go with your gut (and your budget.) Remember to get something for the base. I used some felt a friend gave me. I really liked working with it and I like the fact that it's sturdy.

2. Measure. I should have done this first. I bought 3 yards and that was plenty, but you should really go in with a number in mind.

3. Cut. My fabric was printed in such a way that I had to join two pieces for the front. It worked out well though. I just cut 4 strips across that were 15" long.
I also cut the felt the same size as the crib. You really don't need/ want excess here.

4. Prep pieces. This entails hemming the bottom of each piece as well as the sides (all but the two you are joining.) And then joining those two front pieces. Leave the corners open, this will make putting it on much easier.

I really love this picture. 

5.Pin and Gather. Using safety pins (with little ones around I figured this was the best route) I began by pinning the ends of the fabric to the edges of the felt. Then I pinned the center of the fabric to the center of the center of the felt. Note: if you joined two pieces that don't flow together, tuck the seam into the center fold. This will hide the spot where the pattern clashes.
After pinning the center, I just worked my way through trying to leave enough room for ruffles throughout without making it look too uniform. I added a fold about every 2-3".

After I pinned it all, it took a little bit of tweaking to get it just right.

I also folded half one way and half the other, because I have a deep need for symmetry in my life.

By the way, you only need 3 sides. I should have said that earlier, but it seemed obvious.

I draped this over the back of my couch and sat comfortably pinning.

6. Sew it together. I don't think I need to elaborate here, but here's a picture!

Don't run over you pins. Take them out, while there's still time!

7. Put it on the crib! The moment of satisfaction- when you've made something that works like it should!

So pretty! I'm excited for the day we convert this to a toddler bed and ruffles can be free!

Thanks for stopping by-
Lindarella

The Ever-Illusive Clean House

There are just some things I have to avoid on Pinterest. If you're addicted like the rest of us, you know what I mean. There are those places in our lives that we want to obtain so painfully that, when given an unlimited amount of pictures of the perfection we crave, it can get obsessive, and fast.
One of those, for me, is the home decor stuff. I love a pretty house. I could scroll for hours looking at furniture, paint schemes and textiles. But that's not my life.
My life is, in no particular order:
Socks on the floor
Sheets that need washed. Again.
Rugs that need vacuuming. Again.
Chile splatters on the stove
Legos I maneuver around, to my dismay, unsuccessfully
Water on the floor
Dishes in the sink
"is this clean or dirty?"
"I don't know, I haven't seen it today."
and the list goes on.

If you have children (or a husband) you know what I'm talking about.
The first few months of life with a baby were rough on me. I was, like all new moms, trying to figure out how to a) keep the baby alive, and b) somehow continue to function as an adult. I had imagined that since I was no longer working I would be able to stay on top of things and that parents with messy houses were just playing the victim.
What a wild imagination I once had!

So after trying to stay on top of things and then failing to do so and then being upset at myself for failing, I kinda broke down. I told my husband, "when the house is messy, I just feel so stressed and anxious and I don't even know where to start!" (Fact: my reaction to feeling overwhelmed is to shut down.)

And then I had one of those moments when I knew God gave me this great man for a reason. Lots of them, actually.

He said, "your peace should not come from a clean house." 

I immediately knew he was right. My peace should come from God and knowing that I've done all I could for His glory each day. Now, I still fail at that too. His mercy is so deep.

Realizing that there will be decades of my life that don't revolve around diapers and toys, and that I can enjoy a really clean house then has revolutionized my days. It doesn't mean that I'm okay letting things pile up around me, but at the end of a chaotic day, I can feel like I've done enough. And that is good enough for me.

Happy Chaos,
Lindarella

Nursery Prep: Part One

I think the concept of nurseries is a little bit silly. After all, the baby doesn't really notice the little details we add to their room. They are in there when they are asleep or getting their diaper changed. Plus they are so much more fascinated by studying our features and learning about life than they really are checking out the paint job in the nursery. None-the-less, we do it. We set up their little spaces as a way to welcome them into the world and feel, as parents, that we've given them something purely out of love.

Now that I'm officially into my third trimester, I've been mulling over what to do with this room that will soon have a new life in it. But with hormones and holidays about to hit the fan, I've got some dilemmas:
1. We're renting. I don't want to add anything to the room that is later going to take a lot of effort to remove.
2. I don't want to over-do it. Like I said, I want to give her a space that welcoming and calming, not excessive and chaotic.
3. I'm running short on time and funds. We've got to do Christmas, we just bought a new (to us) vehicle and are slowly building a pile of baby things. Nursery decor, while fun and exciting, is not a major priority. Whatever I come up with has to be simple and inexpensive.
4. Shades or canopy? The windows have blinds, but they still let in quite a bit of light. I'd like to have a the option to darken the room a bit so she can nap peacefully during the day. But, again, things have to be removable. I really am not looking to drill holes and install curtain rods. My thought is to use a command hook to suspend a canopy above the crib. If I can find one I trust, that is.
5. Contrast. The room is white. The crib is white. The dresser will probably also be white. I need to find way to infuse color into the room without it getting busy.

I love bright colors. I really do. As I mature, I've seen my taste mature a bit. I used to love the look of yellow and hot pink together. Now I might be more into a cranberry and mustard. But really, it's just an age-appropriate version of the same colors.
I don't want to force my taste on my daughter. As silly as it sounds, I want her to discover colors and combinations that she loves all on her own. This, along with wanting the room to be soothing, has directed me toward muted colors schemes and patterns. I'll say that I'm pretty fond of this fabric ---->
Allen said it might be a bit hipster. I don't totally disagree, but I still haven't found anything I like better. (I've spent the day pinning fabric, which you can see here.)

I'm wanting to keep it very simple and do a crib skirt and rail cover with this and then buy solid colored or neutral patterned sheets. This leaves a lot of options with the rest of the room. I'll probably go ahead and make a changing pad cover as well.
I'm tossing around the idea of a mobile. That may be too much with a canopy, but we'll see how I'm feeling once I get going.

I guess all of this is to say, "I haven't done anything but buy a crib. I'm open to suggestions."
If you've been there, you know that no mind is busier than that of a pregnant mama, so thanks for sticking with me through my mental process.

Lindarella

What sort of decor did you do for your babies? Do you know any amazing renter's secrets?

Five Things You Outgrow With Your Third Child

Let's face it, we live a world designed for a family of four. As we near the birth of our third child, I've been noticing things that will no longer work for our family and here are a few of them.

1. Dish Set- Those awesome 16 piece sets are great, but not for five people. Luckily all three of our kiddos can eat of their plastic dinnerware for a few more years. No need to replace quite yet.

2. The Table- Speaking of mealtime, our adorable little table is not going to live a purposeful life in our house for much longer. It will be a couple years before the baby will outgrow the highchair, but once she does- see ya!

3. Toothbrush Holder- Yep. That cute one we picked out for a wedding registry is now obsolete. I guess it gets my husband off the hook about putting his away.

4. Car- We recently had to upgrade to a vehicle with a third row. It's a nice upgrade though, since we get to put the noisy boys ALL THE WAY in the back,

5. Your hands- It may seem obvious, but I've been thinking a lot lately about how I'm actually going to corral three children with two hands. It should be interesting.

I'm so excited about this baby. I've always wanted three kiddos, so I'm hoping for that "complete" feeling for our family.
What's your ideal family size?

Lindarella

Pregnancy Faves! First Trimester

This being my third pregnancy to make it past the first trimester, I've learned a few things. Like what to avoid.
Some of my triggers are heavy scents, hunger and feeling overheated.
These are things I've enjoyed this time around, so I thought I would share.

Pictures were taken from online sources. Picture 3. is from
the website: livelaugheat.com. The others can be found
on the websites of the retailers. 

 1. Indigo Blue Skinny Jeans from Motherhood Maternity. I love that the band at the top is not too thick, making it more breathable. Also, they fall comfortably under my belly, so I can breathe easy.

2. Lush Eau Roma Water. It's a simple toner water I spritz on as often as I need a little refreshing. The scent is very natural and calming. I sometimes even spray it on for fragrance, since I can't handle perfumes.

3. Ginger Cat Cookies from Trader Joe's. Keeping these on hand really helped with morning sickness throughout the first trimester and beyond. I kept them in my room for the first 16 weeks or so.

4. Suave Professionals Rosemary and Mint. I know it's the cheap stuff, but this scent is so good! If you don't have hair with special needs, this is a great basic shampoo that cleanses well. The conditioner does what it should. Why spend more than you have to, right?

5. Folgers Lively Columbian Decaf. We're coffee snobs around here (full disclosure). But honestly, this is a great decaf! I'm able to enjoy more than one cup a day and drinking decaf helps me keep my blood pressure and heart burn under control.

I shop on a realistic budget. All of these things are reasonably priced, so I hope if you're expecting, you can enjoy them too!