Why my kids can act like the little sinners they are

A few weeks ago, upon arriving at the rehearsal for our Christmas Eve service, my two boys began fighting. Back and forth, they punched and kicked each other down the center aisle of the auditorium of our church. I immediately felt the embarrassment rush to my face as I thought, "oh no, not at church!" But I didn't dare utter such words. Why not? Because I don't want my kids to think that way.

You see, every time I hear a testimony that begins with "I grew up in church.." I know the outline of the rest of the story. If you've lived it, you do, too. It usually is a prodigal-like story of thinking they thought they had their life all figured out and then eventually hit the realization that they too were sinners in need of saving.

This is cycle I hope to break with my children. We will take them to church and teach them about Jesus. We will have lots of discussions about the bible. We will find ways to relate God's word back to things they are dealing with in life. We will pray, worship and learn together. But I refuse to put Holy requirements on my unsaved children. It is my prayer that they make the decision to accept salvation sooner rather than later in life; and the moment they do, our relationship will become one of discipleship. But until then, everything is treated as outreach.

I am by no means the perfect parent. I have regrets from earlier today, for crying out loud! But this is one thing I have resolved to stick to. They will know Jesus loves them as sinners in their worst moment, not only at their best. They will know that His love is not contingent on folding their hands and closing their eyes during prayer, never saying bad words and always listening to their parents. I can't allow them to see God like that, because that's not who He is to me. He's loving and tenderhearted toward me, correcting me with peace and patience. I have to allow them to know God that way, and the best way I can do it is to model that, apologize when I blow it and let their own path take shape.

As a lifetime church girl, it feels a little like a social gamble, but it does not feel like a spiritual one at all. As hard as it is to face the world with church kids who don't act like "good christian kids," it would tear me apart to see them playing an unnecessary role only to find out years later that they missed the point. My goal is not perfection on the outside but repentance on the inside. Anything less is setting them up for a lifetime of undervaluing grace.

Confession: I've been trading busyness for community and it has to stop

I remember May in all its glory. Dragging on and on with its to-do list. The pile up of birthday parties and Memorial Day and longing for Summer. I had envisioned Summer to be the best time ever. We were going to be lounging pool-side all day only to come home to a clean house (because we hadn't been there all day) and a husband eager to grill op something delicious. Ahhh.. It was such a nice fantasy. 

 Meanwhile, June hit in full swing and I was so happy! But somewhere around the end of June I realized I was not enjoying it like I thought. It was a lot of lugging things around, dealing with bored, whiny kids and trying to not overspend on all the activities I felt I was supposed to be doing. 

What the heck?! When did it get this way? When did I begin to believe that the only way to spend time with people is by doing a bunch of stuff? 

Rewind to my early adult years (18-23), I was building some pretty deep relationships. Most of what we did was hang out at one of our houses, grabbed some cheap food and stayed up all night talking about whatever. For the most part, I've stayed in touch with those friends and we all cheer each other on from afar. Still, deep down, I think I'm afraid of that kind of closeness again. It's a raw feeling to allow others to know you that deeply. 

But why then, am I running around trying to be busy? Is it so people will think I'm interesting? Is it so I can be around people but not have to really get to know them? My guess: Some of both. 

So much of the conversations I hear are about what everyone did for the weekend, what awesome stuff their kids are into, what trips they're taking and all the amazing things I need to experience to be part of the club. It can feel heavy at times to think so much expectation is not only on you, but also your kids! I mean, whoa! My 5 year old doesn't need to be training for the Olympics for me to love him. 

Are you like me? Are you caught up in this cycle of thinking you're too much for others to handle, not enough for people to actually like, and totally fine on your own? Well, I've been wrong. And you might be too. We need those deep relationships, we are totally lovable and perhaps you need a good friend to help you manage all your crazy. I bet if you look, you'll find a few like-minded people you actually enjoy spending time with. 

So here's the challenge: invite someone over. Invite them for dinner. Invite them to hang out. Don't make it a big fuss. Don't over-complicate it with a fancy menu or try and tie in some other activity. Just hang out. 

Because we might not be the only ones. There might be a busy gal out there who thinks her rush is the only way to be social. Perhaps she believes she has to do all the things to be deemed worthy of joy. Maybe she's scared like I am that if people get too close, they will exploit her weaknesses. Let's show her that's not us. 

Fast-forward 20 years. When I do, I see my parents. I see them enjoying just hanging out with their friends. Yes! They get to travel and enjoy the freedom of empty-nesting, but what I see most is that the friendships they build are treasures. I'm hoping it doesn't take me another 20 years to learn that. 

I expect you've already got a friend in mind. Someone you want to know better but "life" seems to always be in the way. Tell "life" to move over, because fullness is about to move in. This stage of life poses enough challenges, so let's stop putting so much pressure on ourselves. Let's allow fellowship to flourish. 

How my favorite movie helped me see Proverbs 31 differently

I've got to say, as a girl who grew up in church, there might be no other passage of scripture I was taught more than Proverbs 31. During seasons of insecurity and wavering faith, it's something I've come back to, reminding me of the type of woman I want to be. It's something God has used in so many ways in my life. However, about a year ago, I had this realization:

The target audience here was a son!

I immediately began to question everything because as a mother of two boys, I am highly aware that there may never be a girl I deem "good enough" for my sons. Could it be that this is a biblical Monster-In-Law? How did I not see it sooner? But don't worry. I haven't ruled it out completely, since it is God's word. After all, it holds validity in my life.

Which brings me to my most favorite movie ever: Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

I'll give you the breakdown, in case your not a classic musical nerd like I am.

The oldest of seven brothers (backwoodsmen) decides to go into town to find a wife. He meets a lovely woman named Milly at a local diner. He likes her spunk and hard working attitude and quickly convinces her to marry him. It's not until they get home that she realizes that there are 7 single men living here, and they need a lot of help with the upkeep of the place. She gets upset, naturally. She thought this was going to be her happily ever after. Instead she feels cheated, like he chose her as a maid, not a wife.

There's this line, though, that is not overly romantic, but I find it sweet.
Adam (the eldest brother) tells Milly that he knew he needed someone to "work alongside him."
Boy! isn't that marriage for you? Not all romance and deep conversations. Sometimes we both just get to work knowing the other is right there with us, doing the same.

I think this is what the King Lemuel's mother understood.
The first 9 verses are focused on the behavior and duties of a king. Then she continues into describing a Wife of Noble Character.

This was a mother explaining to her son that he was going to need good support in the life he was given. That drinking and sleeping around were not going to get the job done. That he needed to see the beauty of a woman with self-discipline, strength and independence.

I am saddened that for a lot of my life, I looked at this as a checklist of all the things I should do to be a good christian, a good wife and a good woman in general. I have allowed it to be something that makes me feel indebted rather than empowered. I look at this woman and think "wow! she does a lot on her own and for others." It makes me realize that maybe what my husband needs is not to be needed. Perhaps he needs me to be more of a team player.

First, I am convicted that this portion of the word is not exclusively written for women. God's word is for all of us. My sons could gain a lot of wisdom and avoid a lot of hurt by knowing these truths.

Secondly, I am reminded that there are ways I can evolve as a wife. It's not enough to think "he already chose me." Our lives change so frequently, that I have to be willing to grow toward Christ, or this thing called marriage could one day elude me.

It is always important to return to the word of God. Always. That said, some of the things listed here might not be relevant to your life specifically (like All. The. Sashes). Or sewing in general. I don't know! But I think what we should look at here is her heart. She stays productive (not just busy). She is generous. She makes good choices. She blesses her husband and children.

So maybe I look at this a guideline for things I want to get better at, not a to-do list for love. Most of all, I hope to see it as a possibility for my life, not something that brings shame in the areas I presently lack. Let's also remember that for every high standard God has, there's an even higher measure of grace.

Proverbs 31 is a picture of high functioning marriage. One that sets an example for a whole Kingdom! Again. Not necessarily an exact fit, but let's just call it "community" because that makes a little more sense in my life.

 May we all see the truth: that what we do, we do alongside the ones we love.

Have a Wonderful, Wonderful day, y'all!

Fun & Purposeful Advent Activities (25 day plan)



Advent Activities with rest, family time and Jesus-focus built in

December is just around the corner, and while I have been listening to Christmas Music since November 1st (all bets are off after Halloween, if you as me) We haven't done much around the castle to really get in the spirit.
Since my sons were very young, I've really made a point to focus on the truth of Christmas. I'm not "anti-Santa" or anything. It's just not about that for us. Some of our traditions are more mainstream, like watching Rudolph. But as time draws nearer, I like to really fix our eyes on Jesus. I think there are plenty of ideas out there on the two extremes, but I wanted to make a well thought-out list for those of us who tend to embrace both spiritual and festive traditions throughout the season. Here goes!

1. Decorate. We won't get our tree until later on, but we will at least get started.
2. Read The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. If you don't have a copy, try your local library OR watch this reading on Youtube.
3. Christmas Parade. That's the date for our town, anyway. (Tip- Make something in the crockpot)
4. Put up tree. We are planning to make a day of it and go get one, but that might end up being a trip to Lowe's.
5. Send out Christmas Cards. Get on it, girls!
6. Make cookies together.
7. Cookie Exchange with neighbors.
8. Wrap a few presents. It's nice to have some under the tree.
9. Family Night! (game, dinner out, local activity)
10. Hang Candy Canes on tree and read the Candy Cane Gospel
11. Watch Elf.
12. Read The Night Before Christmas. I know.. it's not Christmas Eve.
13. Christmas Dinner with friends.
14. Make Tamales. This is a Christmas in New Mexico staple.
15. String popcorn.
16. Make Nativity Ornaments.These are Cute, but pinterest has infinite ideas if you're crafty.
17. Family Christmas Party.
18. Watch Rudolph.
19. Read The Christmas Story in Luke Chapter 2
20. Take a day to put finishing touches on your decorations, rest and prepare Him room.
21. Christmas Light Scavenger Hunt. My favorite tradition! I like This List, but there are lots out there. Don't forget hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.
22. Finish Wrapping gifts (if you have them all!)
23. Pray for those you've invited to your Christmas Eve service. Make Faralitos (Google it)
24. Attend Christmas Eve Service. Afterward we give the kids their Christmas Jammies as an early present.
25. Open presents!!!! Later on, we will watch A Christmas Story. That's our family's favorite.


How you can Let Love Live in a lost time

Has it ever bothered you that in 1 Peter 5:8 the devil is compared to a lion, but in Revelation 5:5 Jesus is called the Lion of Judah? I mean, I kinda wanted to Lion thing to be sacred. Exclusively Jesus. It wasn't until recently that I realized what 1 Peter really says:

 Be alert and of sober mind.

 Your enemy the devil prowls around 

like a roaring lion 

looking for someone to devour.

This is the truth. The enemy knows better than to be overtly evil. He knows that even newborn Christians will sniff that stuff out. So, instead he disguises himself to look and sound a lot like what we believe is good. This is the place where many of us slip through the cracks. The ones who get "devoured" are the ones who know enough of the Bible to see what's mostly true, but don't have enough of the truth in their hearts to reject what is counterfeit. 

Let me give you a quick example. We all here the yogis of the world say "Namaste." And whether or not you even do yoga, you've maybe given this greeting jokingly or otherwise. But do you really know what Namaste means? 

In Hinduism is literally means "I bow to the divine in you."
Now, do you feel like that's a big deal? Maybe. Maybe not. But just in saying that, I've confessed with my own mouth an open door to something I don't even know.

Without God's spirit giving me discernment, I would probably do lots of that kind of thing blindly. It's not to say that there's not grace, because GRACE IS EVERYTHING. But, sometimes His grace is a strong aversion to something, even if you don't know why. 

Now, can I tell you where I see many of us being devoured?

Love. 

The world has gone to great lengths to confuse love. Love has been muddied with similar things like sex, equality and attention. While those things are not inherently bad, they are not the definition of love. 

1 Corinthians 13 is a great place to start when defining love. Most of us are familiar with it, in fact, I memorized this passage as a teenager and much of is has stuck. I needed a reminder, though because there are some good bits in there that I sometimes overlook. 

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, 

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I want to focus our attention on versed 6 and 7. It does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. Whoa! What does that look like? I mean everything we see and hear right now is all about acceptance. "I respect your choices." But that is not love. God is love, and God's definition here says we don't get to laugh off situations that are putting our loved ones in danger. 

We rejoice in the truth! We don't have to be afraid of it. It doesn't mean our delivery of that truth is boastful (see vs 4). We can speak kindly, but we have to be honest and we have to be confident in that. Why? because in verse 7, we are told that love protects. It trusts. It hopes. How is agreeing with sin protective? How is it hopeful? It's not. In fact, it does the opposite. It says that our friends are a lost cause and it's not worth the effort to be honest with them. 

We, as the church, have an obligation to define love for this world. I know that sounds like a tall order, but we are the only ones who even know what love really looks like. If God is Love and God is in us, then really we just need to lose the fluff this world has taught us and walk in who we really are. 

Lastly, I want to look at perseverance. That is something you only need in times that are tough. We have to understand that love is not the airbrushed relationships we see on Netflix. It's sticky and emotional, and I don't only mean romantic relationships. Friendships and family dynamics are just as complicated. But God's love perseveres. We don't quit or back down just because someone pulls away from truth. We lovingly keep trying. We keep speaking life and truth over them. We rejoice in their every little victory and we trust their apologies. 

Believe me when I say that I am not a master of this at all. But I know I can be and you can be, too. 

We have got to do this, because the broken world out there needs to know love. 

They've tried to redefine it or create their own version of it, but now it's time for us to introduce them to it. 

Let love live-

Lindsay 

Momming like a Boss- Handle your first like a seasoned vet

My third child turned one this month and it's had me reflecting on how easy the last year was. A big contributor to that was her wonderfully content disposition. I mean, really, she's a very easy-going child. But I also like to think that a little experience on my part has made me a more easy-going parent. It's given me the ability to not sweat the small stuff and enjoy this first year a lot more than I did with the first two (sorry, guys!)

Here we are with our firstborn. Life was simple and we knew
literally nothing. 

With all that in mind, I thought it might be nice to write down a few things that I've learned. Maybe a first-timer can take my word for it and breeze through that first year! It's worth a shot, right? 

1. See the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Your baby will only be a baby for one year! Once they start walking and talking, all the cuddly stuff tapers off and it's full on exploration mode. Enjoy the baby stuff. Hold them just because they want you  to. And know that you will sleep a full night again. You will get to be alone with your spouse for longer than 2 hours again. If you focus on experiencing this first year to the fullest, you won't regret so much when it's over. 

2. Build a Routine- but don't be it's slave. 

Every parent will tell you that when you add a second child, the first thing you HAVE TO DO is get on a schedule. It's imperative to your sanity. But often times, I found myself enslaved by my own schedule. You have to have a little flex every now and then. And you cannot stress when things derail. It does not help, trust me. 

Start with a basic sleep schedule- this is my rule of thumb:

6 hours awake, 2 hour nap

6 hours awake 10 hours asleep. 

For my boys, that 6 hours was key in making sure they were actually tired enough to sleep. That might mean waking your child up earlier, it may mean not expecting them to be in bed at 7pm. It all depends on your day. 

Little guys snoozing. Perfection. 

3. Don't Skip the Nap

this falls in line with point 2, but I think it's the most important thing I learned with little guys. On days when my boys would not nap (age 1-4) they would wake up with night terrors. I thought it was bizarre at first, You'd think an exhausted child would sleep really well, but there's actually a lot of research that says the contrary. If you want your child to sleep well, make sure they are sleeping enough. 

If you struggle getting your kids down for a nap, I suggest setting the mood (low lighting, soft music and less smiley-giggly games). Your child will pick up on the sense that you're stressed or just want them asleep and they will fight you more. Which brings me to my next point-

4. Set the tone for calm

Kids are more intuitive than we give them credit for. If you're feeling scared, stressed, angry, sad, etc., they will draw from that. It can produce a myriad of emotions flying around your home. It's important to stay calm. We are human, we are going to feel thing! But you will create unnecessary stress in your home if, for instance, the wind is howling and you stop dead in your tracks to listen to it (with panicky eyes searching around the room, of course). Your kids are not going to feel safe. They don't have the same rationalizing skills that we do. So, rationalize situations and the express those feelings. Like "hmm.. that wind sure is picking up tonight. I'm glad we have a safe, cozy home." 

Also, just kill the bug. Don't scream. Don't panic. You have the power to teach kids to not be afraid!  

#3 Clearly our happiest child because her parents actually
 know what they're doing (kinda)

5. Don't buy expensive diapers

This might the most practical thing on my list, but let me tell you this:

Walmart diapers that say something like "compare to Huggies.." are going to be better diapers than Luvs. We used Luvs with out first two because they were cheaper, but still name-brand. I won't get too graphic, but we have seen some horrific blow-outs. Just don't. We have bought nothing but store brand diapers over the last year and our experience has been great! clothes stay cleaner, we don't have scary clean-ups in public bathrooms or entire crib sheets defaced. 

Seriously, guys. Don't buy Luvs. 

That's my list. I hope that it helps! I'll be sure to add on if I think of anything else. 

Seasoned mamas, what's the best advice you give new mamas? 

Not-too-sweet no bake cookies

my oldest will be starting kindergarten next week! So aside from fighting back sobs on the daily, I've got two things on my mind:

1) sending him plenty of nutritional food, and

2) not breaking the budget

With summer heat in full swing, I'll take any opportunity to avoid using the oven. No bakes are a major no-brainier. Also, we almost always have all the necessary ingredients on hand. So without further ado-

THE RECIPE

these will be gone by tomorrow, btw. 

Stir over medium heat-

1/4 cup (4 tbsp) butter 

1/2 cup sugar- could maybe even get away with less!

1/4 cup milk 

4 tbsp cocoa powder

1/2 cup peanut butter

3 cups oatmeal 

Optional-

 tsp vanilla

1/2 tsp cinnamon

This should make about 2 dozen generous tablespoon sized cookies.

Drop these onto sheets of wax paper and then gently press them down with the back of a spoon. Let stand at room temperature for about 30 min or, for faster results, chill in the fridge. 

My boys LOVE these, and they really don't have any idea that these are packed with protein and fiber. They do keep their shape best if kept somewhat cool, so if you are thinking about lunch boxes like I am, remember to throw in an ice pack or other cool foods to help.