What to Wear to a Wedding, and Why it Actually Matters

At 17, I was so excited to plan my own wedding. I had thought about all the things that I wanted it to be. Magical would be the best description. Even though some of the details of my special day didn't turn out to be all I had imagined (surprise! planning a wedding in 3 months does not usually match a Disney fairytale kind of wedding), it was magical. Most of what I remember from that day is the smile plastered on my face, not because I had to smile but because I was genuinely happy.
The thing I hadn't thought about in all my planning, though, was how people would show up.

Apparently it's a good thing we didn't spring for a big fancy ballroom because the minute the guests arrived, it would have snapped me back into the reality that a lot of people just don't care.

Those pictures last forever. For at least the first three years of our marriage, people would ask to look at them whenever they visited. So yes, Auntie in the ridiculously low-cut dress, all my friends and family have seen that more than once.

I have been to a fair share of weddings since throwing my own, and I must admit, I'm the guest inspecting everyone's attire. I know that's not what the day is about, but during the 45 minute photo session, what am I to do but look at the strange(rs) around me. Can you believe that, at my mother-in-law's wedding, the FEMALE officiant had the nerve to show up in a cream colored dress!

Take a look at this list from what not to wear. I have literally seen every one of these, except maybe bell bottoms, at a wedding.

This kind of hits spot-on what I find appropriate, except I think some women can pull off a nice outfit with dressy pants as long as that makes sense for the venue, season and the couple. I still prefer dresses.

There are so many useful tips out there, if you just take a moment to look into it. The fact is, what you wear says so much about you. If you show up looking flashy or overtly sexy, people see you as desperately seeking attention. You're taking away from the bride's day and that's just rude.

If you show up too casual, it comes off as though you don't really care to be there and you weren't expecting it to be a special occasion. Any wedding, regardless of the venue, is special. It's important to the couple. For you to be invited, it should be a special day for you as well. Don't bother showing up if you don't feel that way about it.

I hope that this can give you a little perspective before attending your next wedding. It's not about trying to impress, it's about being respectful to the time and effort put into the planning and showing your support to the bride and groom.

Lindsay

Apple Outfit Of The Day: Faking Curves

As some of you may know, my size has been an issue for most of my life. I've tried beating myself up about it. I've tried blame. I've tried tireless attempts to change my body, only to realize that it's not going to happen until I'm ready to make a life change.

I feel like I'm getting there, but in the meantime, I have to find a place where I'm ok being myself.

I'm an "apple shape" or, as I like to say, I have the profile of Winnie the Pooh. Not as endearing as it seems. The most frustrating part about BEING an apple shape, is that it feels like you're the only one. I mean, you can't wear what slender women are wearing even though you don't have hips and a large behind. Plus size seems to cater to: Hourglass/ pear shaped women, and the over-50s crowd.
Pencil skirts, forget it. A-line skirt.. try finding one in your size that looks flattering or one you can wear at your natural waist that's not too short. Sheath. Um no. And that's not even thinking about jeans.

It's a difficult place to be when you want to get healthy but feel so bad about yourself that you don't even want to try. I feel like my apple sisters could use some help! That's why I'm launching this new series, Apple Outfit Of the Day.

You will all have to forgive me if this is an odd picture, I've got to do what I can on my own here.

I want to make a point of saying that we're not trying to fool anyone into believing we're super skinny. I'm not, no matter what I wear.

Part one of dressing better is acceptance. I used to dress in clothes that didn't fit, thinking that squeezing into a tight Tee would make people believe I was smaller. It did the opposite. When I started to dress differently, close friends began asking if I had lost weight. This was POST baby! I reluctantly said "thanks, but I think I'm just dressing better."

Now that it's fall I want to talk about something we can all use as a tool in our wardrobe.
Layers!   

We hear a lot about layers and it is vital to understand that they can be done comfortably and casually. A lot of times, especially during the warmer parts of the year, I will wear a fitted tank top under whatever shirt I'm wearing that day. For one, it smoothes me out a little, but it also adds contrast. Today, I'm doing a comfy tank with a cardigan. I don't like blazers, but if it suits your work environment, go for it! there are a lot of soft cotton options out there, too, for more casual days.

Notice in the picture above, I'm not doing a magenta on magenta. It's ok to be bright! don't shy away from color in hopes that people will notice your body less. The contrasting colors add dimension and interest. Allow your clothes to show people your personality. With this cardigan I am able to fake some curves. Here are some ways you can, too-

1. make sure it fits. Going too big on a jacket or cardigan will age your look and give you a big balloon effect. It will likely be too long also, which will only make your shape seem more awkward.

2. Think about leaving it unbuttoned. If I close it up, it's going to hug all the parts of me that I'm trying to mask.

3. Find one that pulls in at your natural waist, or try belting it in place. If you have ever studied art or photography, you know that where the arrows point, the eye follows. Create triangular shapes to draw peoples eyes to your best features. In this example, the lines of the cardigan draw the eye to my chest area. AWAY from my dreaded tummy area.

4. By wearing jeans with some flare, I'm also creating balance. Because my waistline is wider than my hips and my legs are small, I have to anchor my outfit.

5. It's for the sake of balancing out that I also try and stay away from super high heels. You do not want to look like a marshmallow on a stick.

I sincerely hope this helps those of you out there that are dealing with the same issues. This really is about feeling comfortable in your own skin. If you are spending much of your time pulling and tugging and trying to hide, then you are living in a place of emotional torture. Remember:

your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth to God. I Peter 3:3-4

Let people see your capacity to love, that's beauty.
-lindsay

Avoiding the Drama of Nap Time

I hate nap time.
Said no mother, ever.

What I do hate is the putting the boys to sleep part. Ever since I worked as a preschool teacher, getting the kids to nap was my biggest struggle of the day. I blamed it on the fact that my shift started right as they were going down and thought perhaps I was just a fresh face that excited the kids when they should have been calming down. Then I blamed it on a choice few students who had located my "frustrated" button early on and made the task all the more challenging.

Then I had my own kids and figured out that.. the problem is me.

I always thought putting kids to sleep was about calming, sing-song voices, patience, dim light and creating a peaceful environment. I looked forward to it when my boys were babies because it was so sweet to nurse them and rock them. But that is all over now. Now they fight me. They move, the cry, they test me and make me think it's not even worth the battle. Just stay up, if you're cranky, not my fault! But it is my problem, so today I decided to try something new and it worked.

Instead of rocking Asher for over an hour while he fussed and rustled around, I decided to just put him in his bed and walk away. That's right. No patting his back, no hushed voice telling him "it's okay" Just a firm "go to sleep, don't get up." And when he did get up, I put him back, all three times. I told him again, "it's not play time, go to sleep." I sat where I could see him from down the hall with his door open so that he wouldn't think he could get up and play without me seeing him.

Then I told Ira: I'm going to set a timer for 20 min. You need to lay here quietly until it goes off.

Around minute 17 he turned over and fell asleep. The timer went off, but didn't wake him.

So now I'm sitting here, enjoying the fresh crisp air of the changing season coming in through the screen door, and blogging because, well, I can!

I keep hearing that kids need to nap for their growth, health, attention span and overall disposition and I believe it to be true. Making it happen on a daily basis is going to be an uphill battle, but I think it's one worth fighting.

Wish me luck, send some prayers. Here's to more peaceful afternoons!
-Lindsay

Lessons

Lessons we learn solely from man are always going to be flawed.

I recently read this article calling out Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen as being false teachers. The main point throughout it that they teach prosperity and the prosperity doctrine is bad. Ok.
I was hesitant to read this at first because, well, I watch Joyce Meyer at least a couple times a week. I've always felt that the messages I've heard from her were positive and also encouraged me to grow spiritually. Nonetheless, I decided I should read what others are seeing that maybe I was missing and try to be objective.

 I definitely see some points the writer makes as.. err.. valid concern. The point that perhaps some of her teachings being spread throughout the world to young churches might be unhealthy for them because they lack resources. Ok, sure, I see your point. The fact that people may be convinced to give financially as a means to sway God in His generosity.. yeah, that's the danger of the prosperity teaching. But there is something that this writer and pastor seems to be blatantly overlooking here.

Believers have a responsibility to seek God and to listen to the Holy Spirit.

I don't say that to tear anyone down or sound self righteous. The New testament warns against false teachers, and they are out there. I don't want to minimize that. They are sneaky and deceptive and the mix in God's word with their own motives. It's a really confusing mess to sort out.

What I do want to say is that I have been led astray before. I was being fed a lot of ideas of "if you give your time and money to this ministry, God will BLESS you." And by "bless" they really meant "pull you out of your financial issues." It was exploitation, and I feel really ashamed for being so naïve. Ugh. But I've had to realize something about the whole situation.

My attitude was part of the problem.

 Is God going to bless those that are faithful? I mean EXERCISING their faith through giving for the right reasons? Yes. Is God going to hear every prayer and know every need? Yes. Is He going to give us what we ask for, if it's pleasing to Him? Does He not want the best for His children? Yes!! Is every blessing a dollar amount? No. In fact money, or the love of money can destroy a persons relationship with God faster than just about anything.

When I was buying into this whole idea of giving to receive, that's all it was. Giving to get something. How selfish and ungrateful was that? Salvation's not enough to want to give so that others may be reached? The loving family, the home, and the food on the table are not enough to count myself blessed? Really?

Allen and I did some serious soul searching, and also some researching the word. We even took a break for about a year from giving any set amount regularly. I wanted to know why the church cares so much about "tithing" and 10% and I wanted to feel like it was ok to give and never see my account balance rise miraculously.

 I now feel like I'm happy to give for these reasons:
1. I LOVE my church. I don't feel like my money is being eaten up by greedy pastors and nonsense expenses. I see the generosity in their missions here and abroad. I want to be a part of that.
2. I want my church to be able to grow and plant more churches.
3. (And this really is the most important, and results from the above) I want more people to find God.

Is Joyce Meyer a false teacher? umm.. I'm really not sure. I'm proceeding with caution because I know how easy it is to be misguided by someone who seems super "spiritual." But here's my assessment- When I watch her teachings I feel encouraged to make better choices throughout my day. I've found God teaching me many of the same lessons in my life at the same time. I also feel the desire to spend more time with God on my own, instead of relying on church services and occasional teachings. Her messages, to me, really echo loving others, acting like a Christian, being confident in Christ, forgiving others and being obedient to what God is asking you. She comes off a little.. blunt. I think that's because she's been preaching for over 30 years and just doesn't need to be careful with peoples feelings. I've always been careful not to let her become an idol to me, but rather to listen for God's voice, as I would any other church service or reading the word on my own.

And I don't want to open a debate, but 1 Corinthians 2:14 You do need the Holy Spirit to help you understand the word of God. It was inspired by Him, after all.

If churches in other countries are relying on a Joyce Meyer teaching once a week and are not in prayer, then yeah, that might be their undoing. It's not possible to grow vicariously through another person, no matter how great a leader they are. If you can watch and apply some of the concepts she teaches to your life along with spending time alone with God, then I think You'll gain perspective and wisdom and feel like you're not alone on your journey.

Purchased

I love to shop. In fact, while most people think gift cards are the most thoughtless kind of gifts, I usually request them. My reasoning? It's like 2 gifts.
One, the purchase I make with it, which I know I'll like and Two, the chance to shop without any guilt.

As any woman who enjoys shopping knows, you want to get the best value out of the money you spend. For instance, I like shopping at Old Navy. Every few months, they do something called "Super Cash." Basically, if you spend $25 or more they give a little piece of Old Navy currency that is worth $20 off a $50 purchase.
The catch is, you have to know when Super Cash is redeemable, because it's usually only a week or so, and also during those times when sales dip a little. So when the weather got warm and my birthday money was burning a hole in my pocket, I waited. I waited for almost three weeks to redeem my super cash, because I'd rather get $50 worth of stuff than $30.

Marrying young, having kids before we really planned anything else out, and then deciding to send Allen back to school has certainly affected our finances. I thank God because we've had the chance to learn so much and to know what it is to rely on Him for literally everything. But when you don't have much to spend, every dollar is worth something to you. A three-dollar Starbucks is now a luxury, because, well, your growing children need new clothes.

I can't help but think about the fact that Jesus was God's One and only Son. (John 3:16)
So imagine how He, God the Father, must have felt sending His son into a world full of darkness, knowing He would be the only way to save humanity. It's a pretty heavy emotion.
So now think of it in terms of spending.

Jesus was the last thing God could give to claim His people.

We've all heard that we were "bought at a price." But have you ever stopped to think about the fact that we were all bought at the same price? Romans 6:23 tells us that the wages of sin is death. Each life was purchased through the same atoning blood of Christ.

This has been a game-changer for me. All my life, I have felt like I needed to look around and compare myself with others. I've always tried to make my self fit. Much to my dismay, some situations have been like fitting my square self into a round social hole. Most girls face insecurity, and I know in my case, it carried into adulthood. The weird thing about insecurity is it makes a person want to constantly elevate herself in the most meaningless ways.

I'll be first to admit I do this. Whether it's how I dress, speak or act, I am always hoping I fare better than someone, anyone, just to avoid feeling worse about myself.

But the truth is, every person around me was purchased at the same price I was. Our creator looked lovingly on each of us and said, "You are worth the ultimate price. I'll give whatever I have to know you." This is why the word tells us He is willing to give us every good thing. He did not hold back when it came to the most perfect thing He had to give.

So if you are anything like me and struggle with looking down on yourself OR on others, I hope this can serve as a reminder. Every person is worth the same price to God. Beggars and CEOs, 1st world or 3rd world, young or old, sick or healthy. Just as in the Garden, when He breathed life into Adam, He saw that it was very good, He felt the same way about you the moment you came to be.

Paid in Full
Lindsay

Painted Sky

Yesterday was my 25th birthday. It being a Thursday, nothing too eventful happened. I enjoyed lunch with my mom, I let myself off the hook on housework, my parents took the boys out for a while so I could have some time alone so I read a book. I got some wonderful gifts from my husband and my parents after dinner. I was relaxing and the kind of day that I really needed.

After dinner and before gifts I went outside with my little guys. They love the dirt. As I was standing outside I became suddenly captivated with the sunset. Colors of soft pink illuminated into orange in certain spots, surrounded by a grey clouds swirling together with the pinks. "How does he do that?" I wondered. He must just enjoy the ability to blow our minds everyday with His artwork. There is maybe nothing better about New Mexico than the sunsets. I can't imagine my life without them at this point, and yet, as common as they are, each one enchants me.

I resolved last night, as I was trying to take in every last bit before it drifted off into nighttime, that my Father had painted the sky for me. A reminder that He's there, He knows how to get my attention and He, the Creator of the Universe, wants to give me good things. He has the time. He delights in putting a smile on my face.

Anyway, I just wanted to drop in and say, you matter. Maybe people don't always know how to make us feel special (although my family did pretty good) but God does. Just look around, He will definitely amaze you.
-Lindsay

I Wish I was a Professional Baby-Namer

That's right. If I could just make up a job and have people pay me for it, that's what I would do. Celebrities could come to me and I could help them set the trends for the year. I've already chosen the name for little Miss Kimye. Krimson. Krimson West. And when the name her Easton, I'm going to throw a fit and wonder why they did not come to me FIRST! So I thought it would be cool to do a post all about names that I think are awesome. Cause your name stays with you no matter what else changes, and I think that's powerful.

I'm throwing in some All American names and we'll do boys first:

1. Lyndon. Like Landon, but less common and presidential.
2. Harrison. As in Ford. How cool would it be to walk around knowing your named after Han Solo AND Indiana Jones? That's what's up.
3. Carson. I just think it's cool, and fyi it is currently ranked #85 in the US. Carson Stats So you see I'm slightly ahead of the trend.
4. Parker. It's preppy, it's crisp on the lips. I love it.
5. Noah. Had I been a boy, my name would be Noah. I've always liked it, it makes me think of The Notebook, and who wouldn't want their son to be that kind of man?
6. Arion. I obviously love Hebrew names. This one means "with melody." It would definitely work in our musical home.
7. Hosea. I didn't want to give away a personal choice of mine, but this biblical name, and the man he was, are both seriously overlooked.
8. Rhodes. I'm a fan of names after places. Charlotte, Sydney, Houston, Raleigh. I love them all.
9. Ryder. Only an extremely cool kid could pull of Ryder, but.. well.. I make those, so...
10. River. Ok, I know it's kinda earthy. I just love actual rivers and I think it's a great name. The runner-up was Forrest, which I also love, but all I can think of is "run Forrest, RUN!" For the rest of his life.

GIRL NAMES, cause we know you can get a little more creative with girls, so this should be fun.

1. Ember. I thought this would be a super unique name, but everyone else seems to think it would be confused with Amber all the time, and just get annoying. I still think it's pretty.
2. Carter.  I love names for girls that almost sound like boy names.
3. Hunter. Same theory as Carter. I think Hunter is good unless she really is a backwoods hunter. That just seems too predictable.
4. Winter. Season names are great. Except Spring. Spring is not a good name for anything but maybe a bunny.
5. Gemma. Meaning Jewel or precious stone. Who doesn't want their daughter though of as a Gem? and doesn't that make a really cute nickname?
6. Rae. One syllable, three letters. It just leaves so much room for her to be more than a long drawn out name. Simple is good.
7. Dahlia. Pretty, different but not foreign and, of course, the name of a flower.
8. Savannah. I mentioned that I'm a fan of location-related names. I'd also like to add that I used to take care of a little girl named Savannah and she was the sweetest little thing ever! Some names stick with you when you relate them with someone you enjoyed being around.
9. Sadie. I know it's been done, and done again, but I just love the name Sadie. It means Princess, so that's part of it. It's just so fun and spunky while still being very girly. Not getting over it. Ever. Deal.
10. Hannah. You cannot go wrong with a strong name like Hannah. The mother of Samuel, the woman strong enough to believe for a son. I love her. I would gladly give my daughter that legacy.

So those are my picks. If you're trying to name your baby, please consider these. Most of them are at the tail end of the top 100 list, meaning your kid would be slightly ahead of the trend. Happy naming! Love-
Lindsay  

Honestly Sincere

Coming into the summer, almost everyone has atleast one wedding to attend. For me it's my best friend! It's been so much fun talking to her through the last few months and seeing her transform from a confused single young lady, to a trying-to-figure-it-out Bride-to-be. It reminds me of when Allen and I were just starting out. All the ridiculous fights and conversations, all the anticipation for whatever the future would hold. And it has reminded me of how much I truly love my husband! The things nobody sees in him that I do, the silliness, the little habits that sometimes drive me nuts. He is honestly the piece of me that was missing for 17 years.

If you're married, you may also know that there are those days you just want to rip your spouses head off! We think, "why don't you do what I say!" and all we want is to be in total control. When that plans fails and the frustration sets in, all we see are the things we dislike. We feel powerless to change it, so we start doubting if this was really what we wanted. It was. It still is. Because it may be worth someone pushing your buttons for me to grow as a person.

Paul's letters to the churches have been hitting me full force for the last week or so. Everytime I feel like I'm struggling with my attitude or don't know how to correct my thoughts in certain areas, I open up to Romans or Ephesians or II Corinthians and BAM! shooting straight to my heart, I get a fresh perspective. So I consulted him on: how to feel love for someone who just isn't getting what you want from them at the moment.

 Sometimes you wait patiently for the still, small voice. Other times you get an obnoxious wake-up call while you're still warm and cozy in your folly.

Romans 12:9-13
 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, love what is good. 

I'm not saying my husband is evil. But this makes the point that you cannot love  someone while focusing on their flaws. Love the things you love about that person, because perception is reality.
Recently our pastor did a series on relationships and he made this point: It is not fair to judge others by their actions and yourself by your intentions. What would happen if we turned that around? If we thought about the effect our actions have on others? If we gave everyone the benefit of the doubt that they weren't really trying to be offensive? I feel like we would all live our lives a little less wounded and a lot more loving.

This is a challenge to myself to look at the positives and to appreciated the beautifully flawed in every person. Even in myself. Because to long for perfection in humanity is to be left empty-handed.
-Lindsay

Pizza Pasta

Tonight I'm making Pizza Pasta for dinner, and I am so excited to eat! Since this has been a family favorite for a long time on my mom's side, and it also happens to be the first meal I ever made for Allen, I thought I'd share the recipe.

1 box pasta, I used whole wheat rotini but penne is also really good
1 jar of pasta sauce
2 lbs ground beef (we're feeding four adults and two kids, 1lb is probably enough for a family of four)
1 bell pepper
1 onion
1/4 cup of red wine (optional)
about a 1/2 cup of mozzarella, shredded
pepperoni


I began by cooking the ground beef and then adding the onion and bell pepper slices to the pan. I used 83% lean mean, so the little bit of fat in it was enough to saute' the veggies in. This is also where I would add the wine and let the alcohol evaporate. But I didn't use wine because, sadly, we don't have any.

So, while I have the meat cooking, I also have the noodles boiling. I really try to multi-task. More on that later.

I use this particular sauce a lot because A. It's tasty but mostly
so my mom can sing, "Life is a Cabernet!!!"
I'm not sure you need the backstory, just know that we sing a lot.

Strain the noodles, then combine the meat-veggie mixture. Now turn the heat on low and mix in the sauce.

Now, and do not skip this, taste test. Because all the cooking shows will teach you to never serve something you haven't tasted.... Or maybe it's that us moms know that the main perk of cooking dinner is getting to sample. 

Then I threw the pepperoni in the skillet I used for the meat and veggies to heat them up a bit.

After everything is incorporated, cover the pasta with a layer of mozzarella, then top with pepperoni. I then put a lid on it and let it sit over low heat until the cheese got all melty and perfect.

Serve with a salad and dinners DONE!

Enjoy and let me know how it turns out-

Lindarella

Wedding Excitement and a Pretty Dress!

I love weddings.

Just wanted to get that out there. I could sit and watch "say yes to the dress" everyday. I get so excited every time someone invites me to a wedding. Well.. One of my dearest friends on the planet is getting married in May and I am bursting at the seams. I've been pinning ideas for her on Pinterest and planning our way to Phoenix for the last two months.

Weddings make me so happy because they take me back to my wedding day. I would venture to say that not much was perfect or what, I, as a little girl imagined my wedding day to be. The building was ugly and the room adorned with flags from many different countries around the room sort of set off my soft pink and lilies thing. My dress was perfect. Our cake was great. All the things we had control over were nice. But the thing I remember most from that day is the smile plastered on my face! I literally could not stop smiling. Once the nerves were gone and I saw the grooms face from the end of the aisle, I could have been in a dingy back alley and wouldn't have cared.

We can spend a lot of time trying to master the "big day." We can spend even more money trying to make and mold it into our childhood fantasy. The thing is, I just wanted to be married. I was ready to start my life with my husband. I knew that one day wasn't worth waiting another 365. And I do not regret that choice. Weddings are about the marriage. And in some ways I think the way that day turns out resembles the relationship's ups and downs. Like how we are always happy together, but sometimes the things outside our control throw us off a little. Maybe it's not always glamorous, but we can see past that because our love is more than picture perfect moments. Our crazy families overcomplicate things a little, but when the two of us stand together, nothing else matters. And God is at the center of it. He was then, and I know he always will be.

On Thursday we stood and renewed our Vows. Our church gave every married couple the opportunity to do so this past week. I was so happy I cried as I got to look into his eyes and tell him all over again that I am so much happier with him than I would have been trying to live without him. He was and is my choice for the rest of my life. The stability he brings to my scattered and flip-floppy approach to life have made everyday a little more worth while. I am so in love.

And so, naturally, when my friend told me the color she had chosen for her bridal party, I immediately found THE dress! Because anyone's wedding is worth dressing up for. After all, I'm celebrating her having that moment and in some ways reliving mine. A girl's gotta look good. So check out this dress. I haven't ordered it yet, but I will soon, with her "okay."

Coral Dress

ugh. I wish the website would let me post the pic, but it's cute. I'm obsesssssssed!

hope you all have a lovely day,
lindarella

Mama Time: Guilt and Overcompensation

I really don't know if I'm the only one, but with both of my boys I didn't feel a strong infatuation with every little thing they did until after the first year. Call it exhaustion, maybe. Or perhaps breastfeeding just requires so much time that when I'm done, I want to spend time on other things for a while. Maybe I just click better with toddlers than babies. Probably a mix of all of the above. Recently I have come to a new level of complete adoration for my youngest. The curiosity and adventure, the new words and the adorable way he walks around with his diaper shuffling along. I'm obsessed! But I realized something about it today.

When the little one was on the way, I began to feel extremely guilty that I knew little Ira just wouldn't be getting as much of me as before. I made up in my mind that I was going to do my best not to forget him, not to treat him as less than important than the new baby. I would find a way to make time for him. After all, I want to have more kids and I wanted him, as the big brother, to love them all. Not resent them.

In the process, I think maybe I've expected too much from Asher. Wanting him to be independent because Ira needs me. Or hoping that he would learn certain things faster than Ira did because now he had an example to keep up with. I realize that's not fair to him. He deserves the same time and opportunity to become his own person on his own schedule. So instead of overcompensating with Ira by trying to treat Asher as his equal, I've decided to love and embrace them each at their own level. And the past few days, since making this discovery, I've noticed they both seem happier. Yes, Ira is dealing with some jealousy issues. That's pretty normal. But I sincerely hope that I can find a balance and continue to give him time and attention that he needs, and also the chance to grow in his independence.

Mamas never stop learning and adjusting. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you're thinking about your choices everyday and working toward improvement, then you're doing great. We are showing the example of accepting failures and continuing to work on things. That's a good foundation for anyone, if you ask me.

Lindarella