A few weeks ago, upon arriving at the rehearsal for our Christmas Eve service, my two boys began fighting. Back and forth, they punched and kicked each other down the center aisle of the auditorium of our church. I immediately felt the embarrassment rush to my face as I thought, "oh no, not at church!" But I didn't dare utter such words. Why not? Because I don't want my kids to think that way.
You see, every time I hear a testimony that begins with "I grew up in church.." I know the outline of the rest of the story. If you've lived it, you do, too. It usually is a prodigal-like story of thinking they thought they had their life all figured out and then eventually hit the realization that they too were sinners in need of saving.
This is cycle I hope to break with my children. We will take them to church and teach them about Jesus. We will have lots of discussions about the bible. We will find ways to relate God's word back to things they are dealing with in life. We will pray, worship and learn together. But I refuse to put Holy requirements on my unsaved children. It is my prayer that they make the decision to accept salvation sooner rather than later in life; and the moment they do, our relationship will become one of discipleship. But until then, everything is treated as outreach.
I am by no means the perfect parent. I have regrets from earlier today, for crying out loud! But this is one thing I have resolved to stick to. They will know Jesus loves them as sinners in their worst moment, not only at their best. They will know that His love is not contingent on folding their hands and closing their eyes during prayer, never saying bad words and always listening to their parents. I can't allow them to see God like that, because that's not who He is to me. He's loving and tenderhearted toward me, correcting me with peace and patience. I have to allow them to know God that way, and the best way I can do it is to model that, apologize when I blow it and let their own path take shape.
As a lifetime church girl, it feels a little like a social gamble, but it does not feel like a spiritual one at all. As hard as it is to face the world with church kids who don't act like "good christian kids," it would tear me apart to see them playing an unnecessary role only to find out years later that they missed the point. My goal is not perfection on the outside but repentance on the inside. Anything less is setting them up for a lifetime of undervaluing grace.
