Mama Time: Guilt and Overcompensation

I really don't know if I'm the only one, but with both of my boys I didn't feel a strong infatuation with every little thing they did until after the first year. Call it exhaustion, maybe. Or perhaps breastfeeding just requires so much time that when I'm done, I want to spend time on other things for a while. Maybe I just click better with toddlers than babies. Probably a mix of all of the above. Recently I have come to a new level of complete adoration for my youngest. The curiosity and adventure, the new words and the adorable way he walks around with his diaper shuffling along. I'm obsessed! But I realized something about it today.

When the little one was on the way, I began to feel extremely guilty that I knew little Ira just wouldn't be getting as much of me as before. I made up in my mind that I was going to do my best not to forget him, not to treat him as less than important than the new baby. I would find a way to make time for him. After all, I want to have more kids and I wanted him, as the big brother, to love them all. Not resent them.

In the process, I think maybe I've expected too much from Asher. Wanting him to be independent because Ira needs me. Or hoping that he would learn certain things faster than Ira did because now he had an example to keep up with. I realize that's not fair to him. He deserves the same time and opportunity to become his own person on his own schedule. So instead of overcompensating with Ira by trying to treat Asher as his equal, I've decided to love and embrace them each at their own level. And the past few days, since making this discovery, I've noticed they both seem happier. Yes, Ira is dealing with some jealousy issues. That's pretty normal. But I sincerely hope that I can find a balance and continue to give him time and attention that he needs, and also the chance to grow in his independence.

Mamas never stop learning and adjusting. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you're thinking about your choices everyday and working toward improvement, then you're doing great. We are showing the example of accepting failures and continuing to work on things. That's a good foundation for anyone, if you ask me.

Lindarella