What Does it Cost to Stay Home?

In 2009 I was working a pretty nice job. Friendly church ladies taking care of little ones all day and getting paid to chit chat during nap time. I liked my job, but I knew it couldn't last forever. I was pregnant and being in a job that didn't pay that well meant that continuing to work would cost us, not only the expense of childcare, which would almost cancel out my paycheck, but also the loss of precious time with our first child. It just didn't make sense to keep working. Especially taking care of other people's children while I dropped mine off with a stranger. So I resigned and, with the exception of working a few holiday hours in 2010, have never gone back.

People have often said to me, "I wish I could afford to stay home." Which I could let go to my head and feel really good about myself. But the truth is most people could afford to be a one income family, they just don't want to live that way. We manage to get along debt free, and we really don't make that much in terms of salary. So if you think you would like to stay home and care for your home and family full time, here's a picture of what that looks like:

• We don't eat out. I won't say "ever" but when we do, it's usually pizza because we're exhausted or fast food because we're too far from home. 
• We shop sales. Our kids are growing, seasons are changing and we all need clothes. Sometimes we have to wait until next paycheck to buy a new package of socks or I will stalk my email until I find a great deal. 
• We don't vacation. We can usually pull off a camping trip or staying with family for a few days to get away, but.. yeah. The last time we paid for a hotel room for just us was our wedding night. Seriously. 
• We drive older vehicles. And guess what? they run just fine.
• We have old, miss-matched furniture. I don't like it, but currently new furniture is not on the list of priorities. 
• We don't see movies in the theater. Are you kidding me? By the time you pay the sitter and buy tickets, you're left with regret and a popcorn-free belly. Not worth it. 
• We strategically plan Christmas spending. We save for it and we hit the Black Friday sales. It's an adventure, and not always pleasant, but we make a priority of giving. 
• We budget clothing and medical expenses. This has been a game-changer. Instead getting hit with a practical expense, we are learning to expect it. Now we don't have to feel guilty or selfish if one of us needs new shoes or more jeans. It's okay. We have a place for that. I don't have to stress that the extra ultrasound my doctor wants is going to take a bite out of our paycheck, either. It's in the budget.
• We live in a small house. We are bursting at the seams now expecting a new baby, but we're sticking it out here because it's what we can afford. We want to save for a house, not spend more on a rental.
• Some days I feel discouraged. If I get caught up in comparisons and discontentment, I spiral into self-pity about how everyone's life looks more perfect than mine. The truth is we are all making choices that determine where our sacrifices will fall. 

Many choose a path of buy now, pay later. Some sacrifice the time with their little ones to afford the extras. That's their choice, and it's okay, but it's not the life I want. I want to feel like I can afford what I have and be happy with it. I want to influence my children in big way before this world tries to tell them they are not enough. This is what that looks like. Do I love it? not always. Sacrifice is painful! But when we get to throw money in savings instead of paying creditors, yeah, I love it.

Lindarella

Have a Healthier Facebook Life

A couple of months ago I decided to take a break from Facebook. Most people do this from time to time to either refocus their lives a bit or get a breather from all the drama. I think my choice was a little of both.

So as I was living my life disconnected, I noticed a few things: 

1. I felt a little happier with my life, overall. 

2. I missed the time-filler aspect, but I didn't really miss it. 

3. I found myself making more personal connections. 

My biggest struggle in life has always been comparison. From the time I made my first friend as a kid, I think I've always thought a lot about how I measure up. Facebook can be a pitfall in that way. We see everyone's relationships, vacations and fun stuff they do with friends and family and suddenly we realize we're spectators. There are those who are out there playing the game of life, and we're the ones reading about it. Not a great feeling. Especially when you think about the fact that most of our day-to-day contact with the outside world is with people that we haven't ever shared a meal with or even seen in years. Not healthy. 

We cannot swap Facebook for fellowship. I know it's hard to put yourself out there, and "liking" a post can be easier than even saying "hello" to someone.  But we have to do it. We were created for relationships. So here are a couple ideas I have to make Facebook a little better for all of us. 

1. Hide- Hide people who complain a lot and people who brag a lot. Keep a list of who you've hidden and maybe go by their page every so often just to say "hi." 

2. Make it more personal- I'm tired of all the shares and the memes. I want to know how your day was! If I'm more likely to take interest in a real status update, chances are most other people feel the same. 

3. Be a Friend- Send messages, write on boards, comment. "Likes" are passive and non-committal. If this is a filler for personal interaction, then INTERACT! 

4. Get around real people- Create an event and invite people you haven't seen in a while. And when you are out with friends and family, don't feel the need to upload 15 pictures of it. You're making others feel left out, and that's not nice. 

5. Take invites seriously- (This is the thing I'm worst at.) Don't assume that someone just invited every person on their friends list. I would never do that. I think about who I want around my kids or in certain settings. If you've been invited to something, be as courteous as you would be with a mailed invitation. 

6. Play nice- Keep your own comments and posts friendly and respectful. I don't play by the "no politics, no religion" rules. There are things I believe in and sometimes I do want to make a statement about that, but it should all be done with courtesy. Don't jump into comment battles, don't call people out and don't put people down (not even the President.) Negativity could just get you hidden. 

I'm working on these, and I hope you'll try it too. Let's take Facebook back and make it fun again! 

Lindsay 

Making a Fool-Proof Grocery List

We've all done it. You write out a list of stray items you need around the house, you go shopping and less than 48 hours later, you're doing it all over again. Why? because we're busy. And when we get busy, we often get disorganized or forgetful.
I am both most of the time.

So I've formulated a way of doing my list that solves the problem, mostly. Does it mean we never make a mid-week trip for and extra gallon of milk? no. But When we moved to a small town a few months ago and realized that driving to the nearest city was the only way to keep our cost down on food, I had to figure out a way to condense our trips. Here's what I do:

1. Throughout the week, if I see something running low (like laundry soap or paper towels) I write it on a magnetic notepad on my fridge. That way it doesn't become an oversight since it's not exactly part of the menu.

I make a list of sales I'm interested in so that I don't
have to fumble around with ads. 

2. Check the ads. Work off of what's on sale, but be aware of cost. For instance- I can get chicken breast for $1.99lb most of the time, but if I'm doing enchiladas or stew, I don't need breast meat. I can always find boneless skinless chicken thighs for about $1.79lb. With a little trimming, It works just as well, if not easier. Don't buy something just because it's on sale.

3. Make a menu.
This is complicated if your lost for ideas, but it doesn't have to be. Give yourself a break and don't over-think it. We might do enchiladas one night and tostadas the next. I make on pot of beans, serve them on the side with enchiladas and then re-fry them for the next night's dinner. Using items like this in different ways gives your family variety AND helps you keep your cost down.

Hint- Use a pencil! I change my mind all the time, and I also
check with my Husband to see if he had anything in mind for
the next couple of weeks. Leave room for flexibility. 

Start with a basic notebook. Write "Breakfast...Lunch...Dinner" across the top and then, skipping lines, write your days on the side. I usually do two weeks at a time since we take our shopping trips after each payday. I also keep a calender handy so I can plan around upcoming events or holidays, for instance, if I know we'll be out of town for the weekend, I can plan what to pack for our trip and skip over meals we may have with family or at a restaurant. If I know it's going to be rainy on Thursday, I may want to plan for soup. Be practical, not obsessive.

4. Make a master list. This is simple- go through your menu and write down everything you will need to accomplish each meal. I usually categorize my list in sections of the store:
Dairy, Meat, Dry Goods, Produce and Household. Even if you think you're done with a section, leave at least 3 spaces just in case. This is when I grab my "stray items" list from the fridge and add it in, most of it falls in the Household section.

5. Take inventory. Some of you can probably eliminate this step while you make your master. If you know you have it, don't write it down. For those of us who forget things.. a lot.. take inventory.

6. The last thing I do is grab my sales list and then mark items on the master that are on sale. If it's on sale at Sam's I'll write "SA" next to it, if it's at Smith's I'll write "SM." Then I make a key for reference to help me remember and it helps if I pass my list to my husband so he knows what's going on.

It seems like a lot of steps for "just a list" BUT I think it's been worth it for me to be more thorough. Our monthly budget is at $360 a month, which is pretty modest for a family of four. We don't always stay on target, but fulfilling my menu, not buying impulse items and seeing the kitchen empty out every two weeks tells me we're not being wasteful, and that feels awesome.

Happy Shopping-
Lindarella

Why Do We All Want Genius Children, Anyway?

I am not convinced teaching is my gift. At least not the sit down and explain things kind of teaching. Relationships- I'm pretty good at that. I mean, I read most people like a child's board book, so I would hope that in my daily interactions and teaching moments with my boys, they're getting that. But I feel like a total failure when it comes to crafts, writing and even numbers. But I'm starting to wonder if all of the pressure to be better at these things is in my head?

I spoke with a Kindergarten teacher who said she really didn't think preschool made a difference as far a child's ability to keep up when they start school. And that's just it- we all want to push our kids and we already feel behind (aren't 4-year-old kids in China taking Algebra 1 or something?) Is it anything more than a game of comparisons with other families?

For me it's been more like a big attempt to make up for lost time. If I would have pushed myself, I could have been an A student. But I didn't. I would have loved an AP English or choir solos, but I was too timid. Some of those things, you just can't knock out of a person. How many times did my parents tell me to be brave and outgoing? It's not like they didn't. I was just shy.

My son is just shy. When he starts responding to me in a weird voice or hiding behind something, he's just being shy. I get it, too. We're all a little bit afraid to let people see what's going on inside our minds. Perhaps my best effort in teaching him new things is to just keep talking to him. Let him know he's safe. He can mess up. He can give me a wrong answer, and I will give him as many second chances as it takes. Why? because that's what God does for me. He lets me know I'm safe and He give out grace like nobody's business.

I want to teach them to go after what they want and to dream big and to love people with an unfailing type of love. That gets taught by example, and I think I can do that with the help of a very gracious God. If my kids are B students and don't raise their hand because they're shy, they will be okay. I am. Especially now that I see my child's education is not my big comeback.

Still learning here-
Lindarella

Gloves Off- The Marital Argument

This morning I was pretty angry. I think it was about 70% sleepiness and about 25% annoyed with the coffee maker. It wasn't working and all I really wanted to do was make some coffee for Allen and I to start our day. And then the mudslinging began- "are you sure you ground the coffee right?" "do you think I'm an idiot?! of course I did." and some how all of his "helpful" little suggestions just seemed to spiral me into a state of fury. FURY! really? it's coffee. Not a big deal, maybe not all my fault and certainly not worth ruining our day over. So as I sat, sulking at the table with the light off, drinking my coffee made with a french press, he started to laugh it off. And as he walked out the door and said, "love you" I replied, still with a little attitude in my voice and my arms crossed, "love you too."
But if we're going to have disagreements I'm glad it's this kind. I'm glad it's the stupid cup of coffee fight and not a question of loyalty fight. I'm happy. A day where maybe your biggest problem is coffee seems like a pretty privileged life to me. But you know- it's how we handle those little ones that determine what some of the other fights are about. I mean if he would've kept up or if I would have decided not to help him get out the door on time, we'd have a pretty ugly night ahead of us.
In the midst of an argument, ladies, take a step back, take a deep breath and trust God. Do good regardless of what you think will teach the lesson. But most of all, do not start being irrational. The whole "I can't even do this one thing! why would he still love me if I can't...blah blah blah" It's not becoming. You're getting into your own head and ruining your own day and it's just not worth that. Don't give the enemy the satisfaction of having a day off from you.
The ugly truth is that fights happen. But the beauty of it is that it works out our insecurities. In the midst of it, God shows His grace for us and gives us some helpful hints along the way to do less and less damage each time. THANK GOD! Because if it were up to me and my rebellion, I would have tried to prove my point right out the door.
I'm going to try and swallow my pride and focus on fighting the things that try to divide us, not the person I multiply with. (math humor.. eh? eh?) But really, I'm refocusing my energy- not on flesh and blood but on the darkness that constantly tries to creep in.

Fight the good fight 
Lindarella

Simplicity

It's been a while since I last logged on. We have been living in our new place for three weeks now, so we're finally feeling settled a bit. We have yet to sign up for internet service of our own, so that's mostly why I haven't been writing here. But before you think I've just logged off completely and am living some sort of primitive life, know that I spend LOTS of time on my iPhone. Too much maybe.
See the thing is, living in a small town makes my whole life seem a bit small. I find myself digging into just about anything I can to feel added purpose in my days; and I hate that. It seems it's hard for me to accept that a life that's not busy can still be very full.
I think about my children. The one thing that reminds me of God's mercy on my worst days is how He trusted me with these amazing lives. I get to show them through my life how centering everything around God and His word can bring peace to any sort of day. I get to influence the way they think about their lives. I get to be the voice in their head reminding them of how to act and react to situations in their lives, and hopefully I can build a relationship with them that will bless their lives and mine as they grow.
I don't believe standing on a stage somewhere with the full attention of thousands could be nearly as vital as my role as a mother. And while all I really want to do is reach the lost, I have to remember that my sons are part of that group. They are young, but they are not innocent. They need salvation as much as anyone right now, and that is my assignment. Quite honestly, giving food to the needy in a foreign country seems less intimidating than the task I have at hand, but I refuse to run.
I refuse to run to the church every waking hour of our week, hoping someone else might be able to do the job. I refuse to drag my kids around to a bunch of stuff they hate just to stay busy. I refuse to tune them out because making my name known means more, it doesn't. Social media doesn't really matter. I mean, not more than my children's eternity.
A quiet life still holds its weight in heaven, as long as I am obediently taking every opportunity God gives me to pour out His love in my tiny little world.
Let's not forget- He pursues us. He doesn't do it just to put us to work. He wants to know us and for us to know Him! Relish the relationship. Dive into His word. Enjoy the beauty of the day, and appreciate its maker. Sing to Him, rejoice in His mercy!
Drop the guilt of feeling like you're not Billy Graham. You were, after all, bought at the same price that he was. Your days are just as important to God.
From my little world to yours-
Lindsay

Capture-vated

I've wanted a new camera for a long while. My fellow bloggers know what I mean when I say you have to have great pics to grow your blog. Lucky me, my hubby got took advantage of the Sam's bundle (camera, tablet and photoshop lite) As my Valentine's Day present!
I just want to note that that is the most he has spent on me in LOOOOONG time. So I was pretty surprised. And excited. And that's why I've been MIA lately. I've been busy playing with my new toy.
That thing is smarter than I am. It's taking a lot of practice to figure out all the settings and when and where to use them, but I thought I'd drop in just to share a few of my photos. I've played around with editing too, so that's been fun.

Outside pictures on a windy winter afternoon are a little weird. The sun's not too bright and everything looks sort of blah. I still think I have great subjects to work with ;) 

salted caramel panna cotta from The Range Cafe

I didn't do much to this one, just a crop and an increase in black. I like the way it makes the colors pop a bit more. I'm a sucker for contrast.

I love a good black and white, especially for something not too serious. Ever notice most people only do serious photos in black and white? Well I wanted the attention on my silly boy who doesn't take off his bike helmet to play. And there's still plenty to keep your eyes moving here with all the different shapes and shades of grey.


{Not a professional* Don't take my comments as anything but opinion. I will inevitably steer you wrong.}

So that's basically all I've got for now!

and.. umm.. blogger doesn't seem to like my multiple photos in different places and sizes, so if this looks weird, just know I tried!

Do something fun today-
Lindsay