13 FREE Wifey Gestures

It's February! Not only the month in which we celebrate Valentines Day, but also the month of my favorite man's birthday. So it should come as no surprise that I always want to do a little extra to make him feel loved this time of year. But, for those of us who share all our finances, it can be really tricky to surprise your spouse. So here's some little ideas. There's 13, so you could do one a day until Valentine's Day, if you so choose.

1. Write a steamy note. Literally. When the mirror fogs from the shower, write a little something with your finger. It's a nice little surprise when he gets out of the shower the next day.
2. Make him his favorite dinner. Just because. We all know the way to a man's heart, but only you know what meal gets to his!
3. Put the phone/ computer/ tablet down and just listen! Be present in the conversation.
4. Encourage. Remind him that you appreciate the things he does. Tell him how able you know he is.
5. Stop. Nagging. We all do it, but let's let them off the hook a bit, okay?
6.  Send a sweet note with his lunch. He may not find it for a week, but he'll still love it.
7. Give him a break. Think about planning your Valentine's Date this year.
8. Plan on breakfast. Get up and start off the day with some good family time, pancakes and coffee.
9. Do something he likes. Instead of shopping, think fishing/ hiking/ football. Whatever he likes. No complaints.
10. Tell him a secret. Let your wall down a little, it's part of intimately sharing everything.

11. Give a mini shoulder massage. 

12. Give him some quiet. Take the kiddos out for a bit, he could probably use it just as much as you. 

13. Pray for him. Don't pray that he changes, pray that he listens for God. Then sit back and trust them both. You may be surprised how good life is when you stop worrying. 

Happy February! 

Lindsay

Idols and Altars

Actual wall in Jerusalem- image from here

I've started off 2014 on a much better note than most previous years. Our church has encouraged everyone to fast and get into the word on a daily basis, and I've happily done so. Not from food btw. This mama needs that energy source right now. Anyhow, I've been so excited to open the word every day and fall in love with this amazing story and its brilliant Author.

{ you can check out the reading plan we're using here. I like that it doesn't follow a typical pattern and many times I've seen things line up through the different chapters. Don't feel the need to make up for lost time, either. Just start the date you want to start and if you miss a day, pick up the next day. No guilt!}

So- Exodus 20:22-26 the LORD is giving Moses clear instruction on building the Altar. Then He says this:

If you make an altar of stones for me,

do not build it with dressed stones, 

for you will defile it if you use a tool on it. 

Verse 25

What a profound statement of the character of God. It's like He's saying, "don't try to fix my creation." 

And how many times do we miss that? We get busy being Marthas in ministry or even in our lives at home; trying to make everything look perfect, when all along He thought it already was. Who are we trying to impress? the one who knows our thoughts surely isn't surprised by our attempt at perfection. His love for us doesn't change because of it. 

I think we do this, not only to our outward, tangible selves, but in our hearts and with our plans. I'm not saying don't plan, but let's not try so hard to make everything "the way it should be." And believe me, my OCD self cringes at the thought! Stop fussing over time tables- If you're single, BE SINGLE. And embrace that in your life. If you're married, stop trying to change things about your spouse! He's the one God intended for you, embrace him! The problem with trying to be picture perfect is that we can't see the perfect picture. 

Can we all focus on letting the Author write. I know how much I hate people reading over my shoulder, because.. my work's not done. Every time we try to paint a picture of our future or take control over a situation we have NO control over- we do that. We read over the shoulder of our sweet Creator. As if we don't trust Him or think it's good enough. Let's stop. 

Let's build our altars out of beautifully imperfect stones. Ones shaped through the hard times. Stones that chipped and scratched their way into our story. And on top of all those stones, let's lay down our will. Sacrifice our need to feel put together or prove something to people who have little to do with our journey. 

He's still working, ladies! He is shaping and molding. If He were done, we'd be sitting right beside Him. Trust the process and wait and see- your ashes will be made beautiful. And soon we will all start to see the vision He had all the while.

lindarella

New Year, New Focus

I'm not one for resolutions. If you want to change something in your life, there's no need to wait for a certain day or date to do it. I do, however, believe in seasons. And boy am I ready for a new season. Life is pretty good right now, not much to complain about. It's just.. that stirring feeling. Change.
It's sounds so good, doesn't it?
So since I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I have very little ability to change my circumstances, I'm going to change my focus in 2014. Instead of making it through each day, wondering when the glorious day will be that we have our own space again? Or when the boys will be more self sufficient so I can spend time on things like writing or baking? I'm going to focus this year around organization.
I work best under pressure. I have been kind of wingin' the whole mom thing. I'd like to change that. I'd like to feel more confident that I can have productive days and not have to skip out on the things I need for my own sanity's sake.
First things first. As a homemaker, even in someone else's home, I want to change the dynamic a bit. More positive attitudes, more lightheartedness. So I sat down and thought up some House Rules.

Print House Rules

BTW this looks really great on Kraft paper. It would also work well on yellow.  

My kids can't read yet. These are totally for the grown-ups around here! My hubby is so on board with these, and truthfully, in the week or so I've had them up, I see a change in the way we speak to one another. 

We're setting an example of people who can admit when they're wrong and not worry so much about the little things, and that has made for a great start to our year. 

This is my first ever time sharing a printable, so if it's glitchy- I'm still learning. Please comment below if you have trouble with it. I would much rather fix it than have my work copied. Please give credit where it is due here :) HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

lindsay

What to Wear to a Wedding, and Why it Actually Matters

At 17, I was so excited to plan my own wedding. I had thought about all the things that I wanted it to be. Magical would be the best description. Even though some of the details of my special day didn't turn out to be all I had imagined (surprise! planning a wedding in 3 months does not usually match a Disney fairytale kind of wedding), it was magical. Most of what I remember from that day is the smile plastered on my face, not because I had to smile but because I was genuinely happy.
The thing I hadn't thought about in all my planning, though, was how people would show up.

Apparently it's a good thing we didn't spring for a big fancy ballroom because the minute the guests arrived, it would have snapped me back into the reality that a lot of people just don't care.

Those pictures last forever. For at least the first three years of our marriage, people would ask to look at them whenever they visited. So yes, Auntie in the ridiculously low-cut dress, all my friends and family have seen that more than once.

I have been to a fair share of weddings since throwing my own, and I must admit, I'm the guest inspecting everyone's attire. I know that's not what the day is about, but during the 45 minute photo session, what am I to do but look at the strange(rs) around me. Can you believe that, at my mother-in-law's wedding, the FEMALE officiant had the nerve to show up in a cream colored dress!

Take a look at this list from what not to wear. I have literally seen every one of these, except maybe bell bottoms, at a wedding.

This kind of hits spot-on what I find appropriate, except I think some women can pull off a nice outfit with dressy pants as long as that makes sense for the venue, season and the couple. I still prefer dresses.

There are so many useful tips out there, if you just take a moment to look into it. The fact is, what you wear says so much about you. If you show up looking flashy or overtly sexy, people see you as desperately seeking attention. You're taking away from the bride's day and that's just rude.

If you show up too casual, it comes off as though you don't really care to be there and you weren't expecting it to be a special occasion. Any wedding, regardless of the venue, is special. It's important to the couple. For you to be invited, it should be a special day for you as well. Don't bother showing up if you don't feel that way about it.

I hope that this can give you a little perspective before attending your next wedding. It's not about trying to impress, it's about being respectful to the time and effort put into the planning and showing your support to the bride and groom.

Lindsay

Apple Outfit Of The Day: Faking Curves

As some of you may know, my size has been an issue for most of my life. I've tried beating myself up about it. I've tried blame. I've tried tireless attempts to change my body, only to realize that it's not going to happen until I'm ready to make a life change.

I feel like I'm getting there, but in the meantime, I have to find a place where I'm ok being myself.

I'm an "apple shape" or, as I like to say, I have the profile of Winnie the Pooh. Not as endearing as it seems. The most frustrating part about BEING an apple shape, is that it feels like you're the only one. I mean, you can't wear what slender women are wearing even though you don't have hips and a large behind. Plus size seems to cater to: Hourglass/ pear shaped women, and the over-50s crowd.
Pencil skirts, forget it. A-line skirt.. try finding one in your size that looks flattering or one you can wear at your natural waist that's not too short. Sheath. Um no. And that's not even thinking about jeans.

It's a difficult place to be when you want to get healthy but feel so bad about yourself that you don't even want to try. I feel like my apple sisters could use some help! That's why I'm launching this new series, Apple Outfit Of the Day.

You will all have to forgive me if this is an odd picture, I've got to do what I can on my own here.

I want to make a point of saying that we're not trying to fool anyone into believing we're super skinny. I'm not, no matter what I wear.

Part one of dressing better is acceptance. I used to dress in clothes that didn't fit, thinking that squeezing into a tight Tee would make people believe I was smaller. It did the opposite. When I started to dress differently, close friends began asking if I had lost weight. This was POST baby! I reluctantly said "thanks, but I think I'm just dressing better."

Now that it's fall I want to talk about something we can all use as a tool in our wardrobe.
Layers!   

We hear a lot about layers and it is vital to understand that they can be done comfortably and casually. A lot of times, especially during the warmer parts of the year, I will wear a fitted tank top under whatever shirt I'm wearing that day. For one, it smoothes me out a little, but it also adds contrast. Today, I'm doing a comfy tank with a cardigan. I don't like blazers, but if it suits your work environment, go for it! there are a lot of soft cotton options out there, too, for more casual days.

Notice in the picture above, I'm not doing a magenta on magenta. It's ok to be bright! don't shy away from color in hopes that people will notice your body less. The contrasting colors add dimension and interest. Allow your clothes to show people your personality. With this cardigan I am able to fake some curves. Here are some ways you can, too-

1. make sure it fits. Going too big on a jacket or cardigan will age your look and give you a big balloon effect. It will likely be too long also, which will only make your shape seem more awkward.

2. Think about leaving it unbuttoned. If I close it up, it's going to hug all the parts of me that I'm trying to mask.

3. Find one that pulls in at your natural waist, or try belting it in place. If you have ever studied art or photography, you know that where the arrows point, the eye follows. Create triangular shapes to draw peoples eyes to your best features. In this example, the lines of the cardigan draw the eye to my chest area. AWAY from my dreaded tummy area.

4. By wearing jeans with some flare, I'm also creating balance. Because my waistline is wider than my hips and my legs are small, I have to anchor my outfit.

5. It's for the sake of balancing out that I also try and stay away from super high heels. You do not want to look like a marshmallow on a stick.

I sincerely hope this helps those of you out there that are dealing with the same issues. This really is about feeling comfortable in your own skin. If you are spending much of your time pulling and tugging and trying to hide, then you are living in a place of emotional torture. Remember:

your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth to God. I Peter 3:3-4

Let people see your capacity to love, that's beauty.
-lindsay

Avoiding the Drama of Nap Time

I hate nap time.
Said no mother, ever.

What I do hate is the putting the boys to sleep part. Ever since I worked as a preschool teacher, getting the kids to nap was my biggest struggle of the day. I blamed it on the fact that my shift started right as they were going down and thought perhaps I was just a fresh face that excited the kids when they should have been calming down. Then I blamed it on a choice few students who had located my "frustrated" button early on and made the task all the more challenging.

Then I had my own kids and figured out that.. the problem is me.

I always thought putting kids to sleep was about calming, sing-song voices, patience, dim light and creating a peaceful environment. I looked forward to it when my boys were babies because it was so sweet to nurse them and rock them. But that is all over now. Now they fight me. They move, the cry, they test me and make me think it's not even worth the battle. Just stay up, if you're cranky, not my fault! But it is my problem, so today I decided to try something new and it worked.

Instead of rocking Asher for over an hour while he fussed and rustled around, I decided to just put him in his bed and walk away. That's right. No patting his back, no hushed voice telling him "it's okay" Just a firm "go to sleep, don't get up." And when he did get up, I put him back, all three times. I told him again, "it's not play time, go to sleep." I sat where I could see him from down the hall with his door open so that he wouldn't think he could get up and play without me seeing him.

Then I told Ira: I'm going to set a timer for 20 min. You need to lay here quietly until it goes off.

Around minute 17 he turned over and fell asleep. The timer went off, but didn't wake him.

So now I'm sitting here, enjoying the fresh crisp air of the changing season coming in through the screen door, and blogging because, well, I can!

I keep hearing that kids need to nap for their growth, health, attention span and overall disposition and I believe it to be true. Making it happen on a daily basis is going to be an uphill battle, but I think it's one worth fighting.

Wish me luck, send some prayers. Here's to more peaceful afternoons!
-Lindsay

Lessons

Lessons we learn solely from man are always going to be flawed.

I recently read this article calling out Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen as being false teachers. The main point throughout it that they teach prosperity and the prosperity doctrine is bad. Ok.
I was hesitant to read this at first because, well, I watch Joyce Meyer at least a couple times a week. I've always felt that the messages I've heard from her were positive and also encouraged me to grow spiritually. Nonetheless, I decided I should read what others are seeing that maybe I was missing and try to be objective.

 I definitely see some points the writer makes as.. err.. valid concern. The point that perhaps some of her teachings being spread throughout the world to young churches might be unhealthy for them because they lack resources. Ok, sure, I see your point. The fact that people may be convinced to give financially as a means to sway God in His generosity.. yeah, that's the danger of the prosperity teaching. But there is something that this writer and pastor seems to be blatantly overlooking here.

Believers have a responsibility to seek God and to listen to the Holy Spirit.

I don't say that to tear anyone down or sound self righteous. The New testament warns against false teachers, and they are out there. I don't want to minimize that. They are sneaky and deceptive and the mix in God's word with their own motives. It's a really confusing mess to sort out.

What I do want to say is that I have been led astray before. I was being fed a lot of ideas of "if you give your time and money to this ministry, God will BLESS you." And by "bless" they really meant "pull you out of your financial issues." It was exploitation, and I feel really ashamed for being so naïve. Ugh. But I've had to realize something about the whole situation.

My attitude was part of the problem.

 Is God going to bless those that are faithful? I mean EXERCISING their faith through giving for the right reasons? Yes. Is God going to hear every prayer and know every need? Yes. Is He going to give us what we ask for, if it's pleasing to Him? Does He not want the best for His children? Yes!! Is every blessing a dollar amount? No. In fact money, or the love of money can destroy a persons relationship with God faster than just about anything.

When I was buying into this whole idea of giving to receive, that's all it was. Giving to get something. How selfish and ungrateful was that? Salvation's not enough to want to give so that others may be reached? The loving family, the home, and the food on the table are not enough to count myself blessed? Really?

Allen and I did some serious soul searching, and also some researching the word. We even took a break for about a year from giving any set amount regularly. I wanted to know why the church cares so much about "tithing" and 10% and I wanted to feel like it was ok to give and never see my account balance rise miraculously.

 I now feel like I'm happy to give for these reasons:
1. I LOVE my church. I don't feel like my money is being eaten up by greedy pastors and nonsense expenses. I see the generosity in their missions here and abroad. I want to be a part of that.
2. I want my church to be able to grow and plant more churches.
3. (And this really is the most important, and results from the above) I want more people to find God.

Is Joyce Meyer a false teacher? umm.. I'm really not sure. I'm proceeding with caution because I know how easy it is to be misguided by someone who seems super "spiritual." But here's my assessment- When I watch her teachings I feel encouraged to make better choices throughout my day. I've found God teaching me many of the same lessons in my life at the same time. I also feel the desire to spend more time with God on my own, instead of relying on church services and occasional teachings. Her messages, to me, really echo loving others, acting like a Christian, being confident in Christ, forgiving others and being obedient to what God is asking you. She comes off a little.. blunt. I think that's because she's been preaching for over 30 years and just doesn't need to be careful with peoples feelings. I've always been careful not to let her become an idol to me, but rather to listen for God's voice, as I would any other church service or reading the word on my own.

And I don't want to open a debate, but 1 Corinthians 2:14 You do need the Holy Spirit to help you understand the word of God. It was inspired by Him, after all.

If churches in other countries are relying on a Joyce Meyer teaching once a week and are not in prayer, then yeah, that might be their undoing. It's not possible to grow vicariously through another person, no matter how great a leader they are. If you can watch and apply some of the concepts she teaches to your life along with spending time alone with God, then I think You'll gain perspective and wisdom and feel like you're not alone on your journey.